Posted on 10/19/2025 11:04:48 AM PDT by E. Pluribus Unum
ATHENS — Activist Greta Thunberg told reporters today that Israel put a noose on her, dumped bleach on her hair, and shouted, "This is bagel country!"
Thunberg stated the assailants wore masks to hide their identity, but had on giant shtreimels and kept shouting "Oy vey" to intimidate her.
"I literally thought I was going to die," said Thunberg. "They threw bagels at me and shouted 'Take that, gentile!' The bagels even had schmear. And then they smacked me in the face with a pastrami sandwich and said 'This is kosher country!'"
Israel has denied the accusations, stating that no bagels were thrown at Thunberg while she was processed for deportation. "That does sound really fun, but no, we did not pelt her with bagels," said IDF spokesman Benjamin Aaronson. "Every time we gave her food, she just shouted 'How dare you!' and went back to combing her hair. We also graciously offered her barber services free of charge, but she declined. No pastrami sandwiches were used for violence either."
At publishing time, Thunberg had also accused Israel of putting her on a chair and lifting her up and down while dancing in circles around her.
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
Or even just a bagel.
Greta Thunberg young Harris in the making.
I saw the headline and had to check. The Bee gave me a big smile!
First off, no self-respecting Jew would even think about wasting a perfectly good pastrami sandwich on the likes of Greta Thunberg.
As for the bagels, I could kind of see it. I had a great uncle who was part of the ground crews serving bombers in the Army Air Corps during World War II out in the Pacific. My great grandmother, being a good Jewish mother, baked her son some bagels and sent them to him via the post office. Needless to say, by the time they arrived (which was a small miracle by itself), they were so hard that you couldn’t have cut them with a diamonds band saw. After everyone was done laughing about that, someone said “Well, what are we gonna do with these f’ing things?“ Someone else responded, “Drop them on the Japs!“ so they taped these bagels to a bunch of bombs and did, indeed, drop them on the Japs. Family lore has it that the story worked its way up the chain of command until FDR signed some kind of commendation for my great grandmother’s contribution to the war effort. I have yet to see it, so I can’t verify whether that part is a tall tale or the truth, but either way it’s funny as hell. And, yes, I heard my great uncle tell this story himself. 40 years after the war, he was still laughing so hard that he cried.
What a punny guy!
Sweden has so many beautiful women, but not her.
Personally, I prefer a Montreal Smoked Meat sandwich to pastrami. Schwartz, if you please, on rye, with a kosher pickle, chips and a cherry coke.
Best eats in Montreal! (Truth be told, I haven’t been in Montreal in 30+ years, perhaps Game 6 in 1989, when the Flames took the cup!)
May the SCHWARTZ be with you!
Great story!
I wonder if they added cream cheese and lox to the bagel?
I wonder if they added cream cheese and lox to the bagel?
FTA: "The bagels even had schmear."
This is not funny. She was very seriously killed and lived to tell about it.
B S
Absolutely!
Your comments about friends not keeping kosher, reminds me of a young man who spoke one evening, a few years ago, at my church. He was from Lethbridge, giving his testimony at my church in Calgary.
He was a university student in Lethbridge, Alberta, and was the son of a divorced, secular, muslim woman. He came to Canada as a teenager, from Middle East, perhaps Syria(?).
Without getting into the long story of his coming to Christ, he was befriended by many Christian youth at university. In the course of events, he would often smell bacon xooking. He loved the aroma, but kept halal.
The night he gave his heart to Jesus, he bought two pounds of bacon and feasted on most of it!
Imagine, bacon as a tool to evangelize!
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