How 9 Politicians Are Celebrating This 4th Of July

The Bee ^ | Jul 2, 2025 | The Bee

[dayglored]

It's birthday time once again for the greatest nation on earth: America. Everybody likes to celebrate 'Murica a little differently - here are how nine famous politicians are planning to mark the 4th of July this year:

• Chuck Schumer: Murdering 26 people with undercooked beef. Tradition is tradition.

• AOC: Weeping outside of Alligator Alcatraz: Heroic.

• Ron DeSantis: Turning loose highly trained alligators armed with lasers to hunt down anyone who comes near Alligator Alcatraz: Uh-oh.

• JD Vance: Killing off a rival world leader: U-S-A! U-S-A!

• Joe Biden: Hanging Christmas decorations: Aw, Joe.

• Thomas Massie: Going to some super-secret meeting Trump invited him to in a CIA detention cell: Have fun, Tom.

• JB Pritzker: Hot dog eating contest: Followed by a burger eating contest, lamb shank eating contest, entire baby pig eating contest, pie eating contest, and tub of Crisco eating contest.

• Zohran Mamdani: Dumping Jews into the harbor: A true patriot.

• President Trump: Carving his own face into Mount Rushmore while riding a bald eagle: Glorious!

[dayglored]

Everybody's doin' it, doin' it....

[Verginius Rufus]

A little over the top for Pritzker. He wouldn’t eat a baby pig because it isn’t kosher. But maybe a guinea pig would be.

[faithhopecharity]

guinea pigs are not kosher

kosher requires
1. chew cud, ruminant.. and
2. split, cloven hooves

plus
as a rodent, guinea pigs would not be kosher even if they met the 1+2 test above.

Lev. 11 and Deut 14

[spel_grammer_an_punct_polise]

The Bee never fails! ROFLMAOASTD

[faithhopecharity]

and as far as Schumer’s grilling practices go,
he would put cheese on those burgers and that isn’t considered kosher, either

[Verginius Rufus]

Thanks for the clarification.

So Pritzker couldn't eat a capybara either as a substitute for the baby pig.

[Billthedrill]

Nancy Pelosi: getting sozzled by 9 AM on wine sent to her as a bribe. Every day’s a holiday!

[dayglored]

> ROFLMAOASTD

The "ROFLMAO" I know, what's "ASTD"? I've heard of "APMP" (and peeing my pants), so I'm a little concerned about the "STD" part....

[spel_grammer_an_punct_polise]

“STD = Scaring The Dog. ;-)

[faithhopecharity]

correct.
capybaras do ruminate but don’t have the required split hooves.
so, they’re not kosher food.

you got it.

(whether Pritzker follows the Bibical food laws or not is something I don’t know. But given his apparent abandonment or disregard of the moral/ethical law principles, I would doubt that he keeps kosher, either. Just my guess. I am not an expert on kosher laws and I am not knowledgeable about Pritzker any further than reading or hearing about some of his political krap

[Psalm 73]

Will be reading Patrick Henry's speech to the Virginia House Of Burgesses (out loud).

Had an instructor who recited the whole speech from memory - when he was done the whole class stood and cheered, ready to fight the British.

[9YearLurker]

Maybe a barrel of WhistlePig whiskey.

[dayglored]

> Will be reading Patrick Henry's speech to the Virginia House Of Burgesses (out loud).

Excellent!

> Had an instructor who recited the whole speech from memory - when he was done the whole class stood and cheered, ready to fight the British.

Wow, that would have been something to witness!

[Vaduz]

How Democrat Politicians Are Celebrating This 4th Of July

Bonfire flag burning
Lit with Constitution
Removing all the T’s on computers in government offices
Hoisting Chinese flags all over D.C.

[faithhopecharity]

Ha!
Maybe with his picture on the label