Posted on 05/21/2025 6:35:26 PM PDT by DoodleBob
‘Tis the season for weddings, and chances are the next several weeks will find many of us sitting in a lovely venue, decked in our best, watching a man and a woman pledge themselves to one another for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health.
The good news is that more of these sweet couples may remain true to their vows. Statistics from the Census Bureau show that U.S. divorce rates have dropped from 10.0 in 2008 to 7.0 in 2022. Although that drop could be caused by other factors (such as increased cohabitation rates), it is an encouraging statistic.
What’s not encouraging, however, is the statistic showing which partner tends to initiate divorce. Data shows that roughly 70% of divorces are now initiated by women. Each of us can likely affirm this number just from our own circle of friends – indeed, most of the divorces I’ve known about in the last decade were more prone to be instigated by the wife than the husband.
That’s tragic, particularly since many of these divorces seem to stem from boredom or dissatisfaction with the partner rather than truly dangerous situations where the wife must leave the marriage for safety’s sake. What’s even more tragic is that these same women, in instigating divorce, often seem to ignore the effects their choice will have on their offspring.
Just how negative the effects of divorce are on children is shown in a new study from the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER). The data presented only serves to underscore that divorce is a major blow to the stability of a child’s life … and the ripples of that instability will only spread as that child grows. Here are just a few of those negative effects:
These are points of fact, scientifically presented by a leading research organization. Yet sadly, many seem to turn a blind eye to them, convincing themselves and others that their children will be far better off with divorced parents. Evidence of this tendency is seen in an X post highlighting the study where many commenters were left seemingly justifying divorce and trying to cast shade on the study’s results.
This reaction fits perfectly with what G. K. Chesterton said. “The definition of divorce, which concerns us here, is that it is the attempt to give respectability, and not liberty,” Chesterton wrote in “The Superstition of Divorce.”
Many women (and men, too) convince themselves that they will be free — free to live, laugh, and love as they want — if they only divorce their spouse and start fresh. But as the statistics above show, bondage, not liberty, is pretty much the assured outcome of divorce for both parents and especially children. And I would argue that this bondage extends beyond children to the nation as a whole.
Why is this?
“Marriage makes a small state within the state, which resists all such regimentation,” Chesterton writes.
That bond breaks all other bonds; that law is found stronger than all later and lesser laws. They desire the democracy to be sexually fluid, because the making of small nuclei is like the making of small nations. Like small nations, they are a nuisance to the mind of imperial scope. In short, what they fear, in the most literal sense, is home rule.
In essence, Chesterton is saying the family is a small nation, and the more we have of these tiny nations functioning properly and refusing to break apart, the more we as a large nation are able to resist tyranny, government overreach, and other breaches of our freedom.
It’s highly unpopular to question divorce these days simply because it’s an issue that affects many. None of us want to admit that our personal actions may have led to deleterious bondage being placed on many others. But if we want to push back on the tyranny and government overreach that has persisted in recent years, do we need to recognize that seemingly small, individual decisions – such as the decision to pursue divorce freely and fully – may be playing a larger part in the gradual loss of freedom the nation as a whole is experiencing?
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The republication of this article is made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal.
Women don’t marry for money, they divorce for it. Sex is the bait, marriage is the trap, and divorce is the payoff.
Yep, white middle class women are the main culprits, which is one of the reasons you are starting to see so many mixed race marriages, with white man and woman of other race. Latinas, Asian women, etc., are okay with traditional roles, children, etc., don’t need to go off and “find themselves” as often as the middle class white woman does.
You don’t learn who a woman is when you get married. You learn who she is when you get divorced.
Nonsense.
I think the problem starts with women being too eager to be married in the first place. They want the wedding, they want the security, it’s a milestone or a ritual, or an accomplishment. Only afterward do they start to see what it’s really like. Only then do they really start examining the character of the person they’ve married. Only then do they realize what a dreary undertaking this is if you don’t have a partner who is present and adult, and if your goals aren’t aligned and realistic. All this knowledge comes too late.
In my circles, there are remarkably few divorces I only know of two among our friends. Maybe because we’re Christian’s and take our vows seriously.
One brother in law is divorced. She was truly psycho. He tried for years and finally had to initiate.
Ergo, denying such things, to UNWED MOTHERS, would hardly lead to "healthy,happy families",now would it?
After I turned 40 people stopped asking me when I was going to marry. At age 64, now I am ready. I'm looking for a Catholic man. Available to marry in the Church. He must be intelligent and not too hairy.
I was the scapegoat of my family. Constant criticism and gas-lighting. I was trapped. Broken. Mocked.
They died or scattered, so now I am looking up and around and see beauty and that I deserve to be loved.
My mother divorced my father in 1974, when I was seven. In her later years, she expressed to me her profound regret for divorcing a perfectly good man. She also admitted that she initiated it, mostly because another women (neighbor) convinced her that she deserved better. She spent the next 30 years with a man who was most definitely not better, and insisted before her death that my father’s surname be on her tombstone.
Um…
https://goodmenproject.com/divorce/9-reasons-why-women-initiate-divorce-more-than-men/
An investigation completed by Dr. Kira Birditt from the Institute of Social Research at the University of Michigan followed 355 different couples over 16 years, monitoring marital tensions between each pair. Her results, which were published in the Journal of Developmental Psychology, showed that while a husband’s anxiety can multiply, what eventually tends to result in divorce is tension experienced by the wife. With this, she came to the conclusion that women initiate divorce almost twice as much as men.
So, what exactly are the reasons for these high divorce statistics among women?
Why do women initiate divorce more than men?
Here are nine of the most common reasons why women initiate divorce more than men:
1. Indifference or cluelessness of the husband to their feelings
Women seek closeness and vulnerability in a marriage where, under the veil of intimacy, it is safe to be real and raw with their chosen one, or soul mate. When they get close to that feeling of connection, and the husband gives the “wrong” answer, a brick wall springs up. Then, one day, the wall gets too high for the husband to penetrate it. In its purest form, women want connection but do not know what they want, so men need to read their minds. This is where communication breaches occur often. Women do not say what they want, and men do not “understand” it. So the wall rises.
2. Small gestures and reassurances are missing
The little things that show love and appreciation make a big difference and are the glue that binds a marriage. Unfortunately, the truth is that if you do not give these things to your wife, she will eventually surrender and look elsewhere. She may feel frustrated and abandon the marriage, rely on her friends rather than her spouse, or be vulnerable to some other man who has mastered the art of being a “good listener”, friendly, safe and reassuring. Everyone knows a guy who is not particularly attractive or wealthy, but many women are attracted to him. Why? Because he has mastered the art of showing women respect, appreciation and a sympathetic shoulder for support. When women are getting this from someone else more than from the man with whom they swore the oath of “to death do us part”, the woman gets choked up and seeks a way out.
3. Money problems
It is an unfortunate testament to the modern world that money is usually the number one reason for divorce across the globe. Women want security in their marriages. That includes financial security. It’s not always a question of men not earning enough money, but how specifically connected they are to how spouses spend and/or save money.
4. Needs not being met at home
When women resort to cheating on their husbands or make a move to seek a divorce, one of the reasons they cite is that their needs are not being met at home. This is a bit unfair to the husband because women often do not tell you what they need and present a clear path for you to help. Women, in general, tend to be more intuitive than men, so it is different for them. She believes that one way or another, you just have to know what her needs are, and she gets upset if and when you do not satisfy them. If you don’t see what her needs are, ask her! When the man does not ask, pretend to care or find out, the woman is not encouraged to continue with this somewhat “dead” marriage.
5. Husbands who cheat on their wives
Oddly enough, a man who is cheating on his wife does not always want to end his marriage. However, if a husband discovers that his wife is cheating, this is a different story. However, some men do not view cheating as the same level of betrayal as the average woman views it. According to Divorce Filler, not all marriages where the husband cheats end in divorce. On the other hand, it is challenging for women to overcome adultery, even if they initially try to resolve things after they learn about it. Thoughts about him being with another woman could continue to plague their mind and color every action around the house. It is only a matter of time before she takes the escape route.
6. Marriage not living up to expectations
When you met your wife, you probably worked hard to win her love. But for many men, once she is your wife, you often stop trying to please her all the time. She has come to expect those things from you and, now that she is married, the husband stops doing all the things he once did. It really is the same amount of disappointment that the husband feels when the wife stops telling him that he is a great guy all the time. Reality often diverges from our idealized expectations of what married life will be like. Therefore, when these expectations are not met, and she begins to see her marriage as a farce, the woman realizes that there is no point in remaining married.
7. Substance abuse
Believe it or not, the consumption of alcohol and drugs is a key cause of divorce in many marriages. Research has suggested that up to 45% of couples decide to separate due to problems of substance dependence. Abuse of alcohol and drugs in marriages can lead to a series of different issues, along with economic and emotional difficulties. Substance abuse can also lead to heated discussions and, in some cases, physical violence.
8. Lack of romance
Romance is a construction that some men may find difficult to understand. At its center, we are talking about a certain level of passion within the relationship that goes beyond simple physical closeness. Research shows that women want their husbands to make them feel unique in some way. Men, in turn, have inconsistent strategies for the admiration of their wives. There may have been a lot of romance during the courtship phase: flowers and impassioned sunset dates. However, after marriage and children, some men do not see this as necessary anymore. They go into a steady routine of treating their wife as just another person. At times, a loss of romance can be attributed to a concern for intimacy that does not emerge during the initial levels of a relationship, but bubbles up later when the dust has settled.
9. Physical and emotional abuse
Many women initiate divorce in marriages because they can’t stand the continuous torture of being physically and emotionally abused. These signs may not have been evident while they were still dating, but when the man changes for the worse after marriage, it is only a matter of time before the woman flees. Some women report that after the wedding, their husbands restrict them from having friends, going out to dinner together or casually watching a movie to unwind. Instead, they go out of the way to stay away from their wife and not spend any quality time with them except when it is time to initiate sex. Most times, when a woman complains about feeling neglected, all the husband does is complain that she is being childish or expecting unrealistic things from him. From physically violating the woman during fits of anger to emotional abuse by telling her that she is lucky to be his wife, women file for divorce when they can’t take it anymore.
Same here. I can only think of one maybe two in my immediate circle and that’s in nearly half a century. 45 years for my spouse and me.
NO, there are NOT ways to slow a divorce.
Get with the program. The premise of the thread is that it’s mostly the woman who initiates divorce; and the bitter males here don’t want to hear otherwise.
Agree KC
They are lying. The number is more likely 85 to 95% of all divorces are initiated by women.
And why not.
1. They expect to get custody of the children.
2. They expect to get spousal support.
3. They expect to get child support.
4. They expect to move in with their lover and live on his income, her income, and 50% of the ex-husbands income.
5. They expect to come out of the divorce in a far, far better financial state.
Yes, there are.
https://www.lawcl.com/the-most-common-divorce-stalling-strategies-and-what-you-can-do-about-it/
https://www.galehmoore.com/three-common-divorce-delay-tactics-and-how-to-overcome-them/
https://xmartinelaw.com/intentionally-delaying-divorce/
Do what you think is right for YOU and enjoy your life to the fullest. 😊
Thank you for not reducing the issue to a mere statistic, and instead trying to explain it.
**If you don’t see what her needs are, ask her! When the man does not ask, pretend to care or find out, the woman is not encouraged to continue with this somewhat “dead” marriage.**
I’d go to the shelter and get her a cat.
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