Posted on 08/03/2024 8:16:29 PM PDT by DoodleBob
My wife and I have been married 44 years. Whenever we have a fight, it’s nothing new.
It’s usually a repeat of an argument we may have had 20-30 years ago. We are too insync now to have current fights.
I remember when I was a kid I would listen to my grandfather and grandmother argue like crazy.
I was always the analytical sort so I tried to figure out what was happening that caused the arguments and kept them going.
After a while I figured out they both had two problems:
—Their hearing was not great and they were misunderstanding what the other person said
—They were forgetting things and then wrongly blaming the other person.
So, now that I am older I have a couple of tricks to keep everybody calm.
If my wife said “you said X” and I don’t recall saying X I just tell her the truth in a nice way.
“My memory is not that good these days so I am sure you are not surprised that I do not remember that.”
Then if my wife does not understand me or misunderstands me I slow down my speech, move closer to her to make sure she can hear me and simplify it to make sure she can understand it.
That works well.
We get to make jokes about memory and hearing loss—and everything is good.
10. You just farted so loud you woke yourself up and looked abound and went, ‘huh?’ and then went back to sleep.
11. One of your boobs is bigger or lower than the other one.
The best fights are those where one of you realizes how patently stupid is the argument, then says just the right thing.
“That is just so stupid.”
“Well, you know Bob, it’s not as stupid as you trying to cook dinner.”
…and both of you crack up and make up.
Do not bring other people into your fights and do not bring other people's problems into your marriage.
One thing I observed as a single is that when men or women get together and start bad mouthing their spouses it quickly turns into a game of "Topper". And that is not a game you want to play or even be around. You can have the most wonderful husband or wife in the world but that amount of negativity will sour the way you see them.
I think cops, lawyers or faggots when I here anyone use that term.
How about things you should say: “Here, have some wine.”
Yeah, you’re probably right. But she was a beauty. Here she is, taunting me online by holding one of my stolen records.
(Am I just kidding here? Maybe.)
When I see the word “partner,” I think fayg.
2. “Calm down, you’re overreacting.”
Anyone who’s been on the receiving end of this one knows how frustrating it can be — it’s dismissive to the point of being downright gaslighting. “Defensiveness is a maladaptive communication strategy,” says Catherine Nobile, Psy.D., psychologist and owner/director of Nobile Psychology
So, it is impossible to overreact, and calmness is bad? Or, if either of those things are valid (i.e. “true”), then it should not be said. In other words, humor the person who acting crazy? Basically, reward their insanity? No.
Off topic, but the Reverend Jim drivers test/“what does a yellow light mean?” scene from the TV show “Taxi” is one of the funniest things ever.
Yes, it is irritating, isn't it?
since it wasn’t included in the list, i assume that “SHUT UP!” is OK ...
“Defensiveness is a maladaptive communication strategy,”
I guess that the response to “you’re being defensive” should not be “yes, it’s so strange how people who are being attacked get defensive.”
When are you ever going to …?
Here’s something you should never say in bed to a woman: “that oughta’ hold you for a while, Gertrude....”
-George Miller (comedian)
I’ll have to remember that one.
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