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World’s Top Scientists Convene In Secret Lab To Develop The Perfect Drug Cocktail For Biden To Make It Through 90-Minute Debate
Babylon Bee ^ | 20 June 2024 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 06/21/2024 2:49:31 PM PDT by COBOL2Java

ALBUQUERQUE, NM — Planning for the President's much-anticipated faceoff with Donald Trump began in earnest this week, as a group of the world's top scientists convened in a secret lab to develop the perfect drug cocktail for Joe Biden to make it through a one-hour debate.

The lab, reportedly located deep underground beneath an unsuspecting industrial laundromat, was tasked with concocting a substance that would be strong enough to help the president maintain some semblance of alertness and cognitive focus for his debate with Trump.

"We've got our brightest minds working on this," said one inside source who asked to remain anonymous. "Keeping Biden coherent and intelligible for an entire hour seems like an impossible task, but we have no choice but to come up with some pharmaceutical combination that will give him a fighting chance."

Thus far, the team of leading scientists and chemists have tested a number of drug cocktails on President Biden, with varying results. "There have been a few promising ones, but nothing completely effective," the source disclosed. "They usually start off well but wear off too quickly. Our last attempt kept him alert for 20 minutes before he started trying to eat the podium microphone. We'll keep trying."

Administration insiders admitted that it may be difficult to keep Biden in good condition for the debate without making it obvious that he was pumped full of highly illegal chemical compounds.

At publishing time, the Trump team had reportedly begun work on a list of great nicknames for Joe Biden.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; bee
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The Bee, but spot on
1 posted on 06/21/2024 2:49:31 PM PDT by COBOL2Java
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To: COBOL2Java

The Bee but Not the Bee, if you know what I mean. Sometimes the Bee is not the Bee, even thought it is the Bee.


2 posted on 06/21/2024 2:51:48 PM PDT by xoxox
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To: COBOL2Java

I thought they were going to have a fake Biden in the debate.


3 posted on 06/21/2024 2:52:38 PM PDT by gitmo
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To: COBOL2Java

“ group of the world’s top scientists convened in a secret lab to develop the perfect drug cocktail for Joe Biden to make it through a one-hour debate.”
****************************************************

It’s a secret lab located underground in a large well guarded building in the suburbs of Wuhan, China,


4 posted on 06/21/2024 2:53:56 PM PDT by House Atreides (I’m now ULTRA-MAGA-PRO-M)
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To: COBOL2Java
beneath an unsuspecting industrial laundromat

Clearly, someone at the Bee is a Breaking Bad fan.


5 posted on 06/21/2024 2:54:20 PM PDT by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s² )
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To: COBOL2Java

All stimulants have serious risks, especially for a man with health like Biden.


6 posted on 06/21/2024 2:55:10 PM PDT by Bobbyvotes (I will be voting for Trump/whoever he picks VP in November. If he loses in 2024, country is toast.)
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To: COBOL2Java

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Max_Jacobson


7 posted on 06/21/2024 2:56:06 PM PDT by BenLurkin (The above is not a statement of fact. It is either opinion, or satire, or both.)
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To: COBOL2Java

They need Dr. Morell, Hitler’s doctor to come alive and administer his concoctions to Biden.


8 posted on 06/21/2024 2:58:10 PM PDT by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: COBOL2Java
They are giving him George Soros "Golden Elixir", fresh from the "faucet".

9 posted on 06/21/2024 2:58:46 PM PDT by Governor Dinwiddie (LORD, grant thy people grace to withstand the temptations of the world, the flesh, and the devil.)
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To: COBOL2Java

Seems like a remote controlled suppository with a small electric charge could be used to keep him animated.


10 posted on 06/21/2024 3:00:49 PM PDT by ansel12 ((NATO warrior under Reagan, and RA under Nixon, bemoaning the pro-Russians from Vietnam to Ukraine.))
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To: COBOL2Java

Give him the cocktail plus 3 Covid boosters!


11 posted on 06/21/2024 3:06:44 PM PDT by Mark (DONATE ONCE every 3 months-is that a big deal?)
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To: gitmo

who says they are not?


12 posted on 06/21/2024 3:12:14 PM PDT by cableguymn
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To: Bobbyvotes

They don’t care. Just have to keep him alive until NOV.


13 posted on 06/21/2024 3:13:00 PM PDT by cableguymn
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To: COBOL2Java

Provide a square of micro-dot just before Lunchbox Joe is moved onto the stage. Watch the fun begin at half past.


14 posted on 06/21/2024 3:16:13 PM PDT by gathersnomoss (Just Give Me Truth.)
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To: COBOL2Java
The lab, reportedly located deep underground beneath an unsuspecting industrial laundromat, was tasked with concocting a substance that would be strong enough to help the president maintain some semblance of alertness and cognitive focus for his debate with Trump.

They have the best man working on this...

Walter White (Breaking Bad) - Wikipedia

15 posted on 06/21/2024 3:18:09 PM PDT by Responsibility2nd (A truth that’s told with bad intent, Beats all the lies you can invent ~ Wm. Blake)
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To: COBOL2Java

They’re crossing the line into real news reporting again.


16 posted on 06/21/2024 3:19:07 PM PDT by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus…)
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To: COBOL2Java

Now watch. He’ll collapse unexpectedly in the middle of the debate.


17 posted on 06/21/2024 3:20:06 PM PDT by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus…)
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To: COBOL2Java
They usually start off well but wear off too quickly. Our last attempt kept him alert for 20 minutes before he started trying to eat the podium microphone.

Can someone in the Trump camp spritz Biden's microphone with Eau de Lolita to get him to sniff it for the entire ninety minutes?

18 posted on 06/21/2024 3:23:10 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Democrats' version of MAGA: Making America the Gulag Archipelago. Now with "Formal Deprogramming")
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To: COBOL2Java

Biden will look In top form.
Bizarre I know but..


19 posted on 06/21/2024 3:25:53 PM PDT by mowowie
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To: COBOL2Java
They made a movie about this in 1966 to save the President. Literally had Raquel Welch on his brain...
20 posted on 06/21/2024 3:26:46 PM PDT by shotgun
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