Posted on 05/15/2024 11:26:48 AM PDT by dayglored
WASHINGTON, D.C. — To avoid further embarrassment from bewildering and offensive speeches, White House officials have installed a breathalyzer on Kamala Harris's microphone.
The decision was reportedly made in a closed-door meeting in which top administration advisers elected to equip her with a microphone that won't turn on unless she tests free of mind-altering drugs, and below the blood alcohol concentration threshold of 0.08%,
"Hopefully this will help us avoid more disaster," said one White House insider. "We've just been going into these speeches blind. Everything will seem to be going smoothly, then all of a sudden she's up there slurring her speech, dropping F-bombs, and laughing like a serial killer. Installing the breathalyzer will mitigate some of the risk involved with giving her a live mic."
"We've been through enough," the insider said. "We've got to do something. Handing her a microphone is just rolling the dice and hoping she doesn't start a war. She either spouts gibberish or she starts insulting the audience and cursing. There's no in-between. We're desperate here."
At publishing time, the White House had also confirmed they had started giving President Biden a microphone that doesn't work at all.
Lordy how I love The Bee
Microphone would pass out from the hallitosis from hell.
She has to have been told a thousand times to lose that cackle, but it just turns up like a bad penny. It takes more time than a nervous tick, so I can’t imagine why she can’t at least temper it.
I would imagine that the men she's serviced over the years have, so to speak, left a bad taste in her mouth, and that can only have contributed to the stench.
A brain scanner would be better but there’s the risk that it would show Kammy flatlined all the time.
You can’t give her a mic like that. She’ll swallow the thing. Reminds her of Willie Brown...
Awesome. I’m totally stealing that picture.
THE BEE MAKES EVERY DAY BETTER
POST OF THE MONTH
Does it sense pot as well, hopefully.
Like asking Joe to stop sniffing, not possible.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.