Trump Assures Jury Stormy Daniels Was Way Hotter Back Then

Babylon Bee ^ | May 10, 2024 | Babylon Bee

[dayglored]

NEW YORK CITY, NY — Former President Donald Trump made sure members of the jury in the Stormy Daniels hush money trial knew the adult film actress was much much hotter when he first met her.

"She was an eight or a nine back then, let me tell you," Trump explained to members of the jury. "Now she's a bit of a dog; Dogface Daniels, that's what they call her. But not when I met her, I would never touch a dog, not a dog guy. Not that I did touch her…but if I had…she was smokin'. Don't know what happened."

Trump assured members of the jury Daniels was much more attractive ten years ago after the two met at Mar-A-Lago. Daniels took to the stand Thursday in an ongoing hush money case many in the legal field call "totally legit and not at all cooked up by Trump's political enemies."

"She was a babe. Trust me, do I look like a guy who would go after a nasty woman that looks like that," Trump said, pointing to where Daniels was seated. "Not that I ‘went after her', but if I had, she's changed since then. Probably because she got old. I don't go after old women…gross."

As of publishing time, Judge Juan M. Merchan warned Trump that if the former president continued to bark every time Daniels took the stand he would hold him in contempt.

[dayglored]

It's the BEE !!

[Sacajaweau]

I read these and wince...then look...then go heh heh heh

[Pete Dovgan]

ROFLOL

[BipolarBob]

"Judge Juan M. Merchan warned Trump that if the former president continued to bark every time Daniels took the stand he would hold him in contempt."

I love the Bee.

[FatherofFive]

That was hilarious!

[Jim W N]

Got stung...AGAIN!!

[Reno89519]

I like it. And Google is serving up dog-related ads on my browser page. Priceless.

[lee martell]

They got the Trump speech pattern down cold.
“She was an 8 or 9 back then, let me tell you!
Dogface. That’s what they call her!”

[stevio]

I suspected. But in this case wasn’t quite sure.

[dayglored]

[glorgau]

The Bee is brutal. ;-)

[bigbob]

I’d believe this is he’d said she was absolutely 100% not guilty!

[Laslo Fripp]

What’s next? Calling Laz as a character witness?

[rhinohunter]

OK…I admit they totally stung me on this one.

[aquila48]

But I could see him saying it! 😁

[AnotherUnixGeek]

Judge Juan M. Merchan warned Trump that if the former president continued to bark every time Daniels took the stand he would hold him in contempt.

Good one - the Bee is everything the Onion used to be back when it was good.

[dayglored]

> But I could see him saying it! 😁

Yep! That's the amazing thing about the Bee -- they accurately nail their subject/target to the wall.

I can totally imagine him saying that LOL

[George J. Jetso]

Stormy Daniels was gagged.

[Doctor Congo]

Someone needs to put that dialogue into an AI video thing.

[SPDSHDW]

the phrasing is spot on.

sounds exactly like how he speaks.