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Funniest Amazon customer review [Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon Drum, by Passion Lube]
Amazon ^ | 10/12/2011 | Jerome Anderson

Posted on 04/07/2024 7:01:31 PM PDT by simpson96

Slide Back Into the Game!

Reviewed in the United States on October 12, 2011

I knew getting back in the "dating game" would be a challenge after being out of it for over 5 years. When I was released from Joliet, I had to learn all the new things "the dating crowd" was trying. I knew about scented candles and Luther Vandross CDs, and sure was glad to hear people still use them. But I had no idea that "lube" was so popular with the "romantics" out there. All it took was one stroll through the Walgreens personal hygiene aisle to prove I had to learn a new thing.

"Where to start?", I wondered. I wanted something simple. However, all I saw in the stores were lubricants that were flavored with cinnamon and paprika, or designed to somehow "heat" your private parts. No way, Jose! (I experienced the "heat" thing personally once after an adventurous incident with a toaster. I'll stick with "room temperature" from now on, thank you very much.)

Luckily, I found a plain, old-fashioned lubricant that would not make me smell like a dessert topping. And it came in this HUGE tub! No more awkward late-night Walgreens runs for me, once I could get my hands on this lubricant bin. Now, I admit the price tag was kinda hefty. But after selling the ol' Pontiac Sunfire and borrowing some cash from Aunt Gladys, I was "ready to place my order."

The product only took a week to arrive, and got to my apartment just in time for my first real "date" since the gas station incident. You can bet I was nervous for this one. When I got off the bus to meet Carla in front of the Chili's, I just about had a heart attack! The only thing keeping me calm was knowing that I could not possibly run out of lube that night. I gave Carla a reassuring nod and smile, as if to say "Don't worry, Carla, I have plenty of lubricant for later."

The dinner was great, and after knocking back a couple Mojo Mango Margaritas, we were ready to head back to my apartment. I winked and told Carla, "Let's SLIP on out of here," to see if she understood the lubricant lingo. I think she did. Throughout the bus ride back, I grinned and hummed Luther Vandross tunes to set the mood.

When we got to my place, I already had a candle burning. It was by "Glade", which I think you pronounce like the singer Sade, because it is an exotic candle that smells just like real pine. After we got comfortable, I asked Carla if she could help me with the lube. She looked at me weird, and I couldn't tell if it was because she thought it was "too soon" or because I was pushing a mechanical lift to get the drum barrel out of the storage closet.

So I "took the initiative", as women like men to do, and rolled the barrel out into the living room. "Ready to tap the keg?" I joked, and by "keg" I meant "55-gallon barrel of personal lubricant." She looked at me all shocked, and said "That's it, I'm out of here!" I asked why, since she didn't need to run to Walgreens for more lubricant - there was plenty right here. But she didn't answer, and got up to leave anyway. Then, as Carla was about to pass me and the barrel, she tripped on my dog Poochie and fell right into the lube barrel! The force of the impact downed the barrel and knocked its lid off, sending 55 gallons of water-based lubricant across my faux-hardwood floors.

Carla was completely drenched, and her momentum slid her to the front door - which she somehow managed to pry open with a pair of oven mitts. The last thing I knew, "No-Fun Carla" was screaming profanities and sliding down three flights of steps. I didn't pay much attention because I was too busy trying to salvage the lube. I managed to get about half of it back into the barrel - the other half probably seeped into Mrs. Pulaski's unit below me. I never bothered to ask if she appreciated the free gift of lubricant.

Anyway, despite my "user error", I was quite pleased with the product. These days it's hard to find 55 gallons of scent-free water-based lubricant, and you can find it right here at a discount rate! I had to give it only "4 Stars" because it didn't come with a lifting apparatus. I had to buy my own mechanical lift separately to haul the bin to my future "dates". So if you're ready for fun, "slide" on down to a high quality product at a bargain price!

5,556 people found this helpful


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor
KEYWORDS: amazon; humor
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1 posted on 04/07/2024 7:01:31 PM PDT by simpson96
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To: simpson96

Lol! That’s as good as the Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears revies.


2 posted on 04/07/2024 7:06:23 PM PDT by EvilCapitalist (Pets are no substitute for children)
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To: simpson96

LOL...My God, that is hilarious!


3 posted on 04/07/2024 7:06:49 PM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom (“When exposing a crime is treated like a crime, you are being ruled by criminals” – Edward SnowdenA)
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To: simpson96
55 gallons?

Also known as the Puff Daddy Special?

4 posted on 04/07/2024 7:11:29 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear ( Roses are red, Violets are blue, I love being on the government watch list, along with all of you.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Somewhere in here, there’s a joke about Lizzo.


5 posted on 04/07/2024 7:14:01 PM PDT by simpson96
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To: simpson96

6 posted on 04/07/2024 7:16:22 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear ( Roses are red, Violets are blue, I love being on the government watch list, along with all of you.)
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To: simpson96

I just posted the “Get More Bank for your Buck” feedback review.


7 posted on 04/07/2024 7:23:53 PM PDT by The Duke (Not without incident.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear
He did write that he spent just over five years in Joliet prison.

He knew the need for lube.

8 posted on 04/07/2024 7:27:15 PM PDT by Deaf Smith (When a Texan takes his chances, chances will be taken that's for sure.)
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To: simpson96

MANY of the reviews are hilarious, here:

https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Lubes-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant/dp/B005MR3IVO/ref=cm_cr_srp_mb_bdcrb_top?ie=UTF8#aw-udpv3-customer-reviews_feature_div


9 posted on 04/07/2024 7:30:57 PM PDT by Uncle Miltie (DEI = Didn't Earn It!)
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To: Deaf Smith
He did write that he spent just over five years in Joliet prison.

He knew the need for lube.

I'll let that one slide...

10 posted on 04/07/2024 7:33:31 PM PDT by null and void (There’s only one thing that’s for sure. Everyone on all sides a conflict will be happy to lie to you)
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To: simpson96

Funniest lubricant story since one of Gary Burbank’s characters called the manufacturer of “Kentucky” Jelly. He liked the “neutral” flavor on his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.


11 posted on 04/07/2024 7:35:00 PM PDT by KarlInOhio (Democrats' version of MAGA: Making America the Gulag Archipelago. Now with "Formal Deprogramming")
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To: null and void
And he probably picked up a tranny.
12 posted on 04/07/2024 7:38:15 PM PDT by Deaf Smith (When a Texan takes his chances, chances will be taken that's for sure.)
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To: simpson96

Not bad.


13 posted on 04/07/2024 7:51:24 PM PDT by sauropod (Ne supra crepidam.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Yeah, this one isn’t that great; but there are some really good ones - like the reviews of ‘How to Avoid Huge Ships’, by John W. Trimmer, essential for anyone going anywhere near...huge ships:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0870334336/?tag=gcaptaincom-20


14 posted on 04/07/2024 7:55:40 PM PDT by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: simpson96

The funniest product review I’ve ever seen was for the Haribo sugar free gummi bears.


15 posted on 04/07/2024 8:11:15 PM PDT by 2CAVTrooper (Freedom is the sure possession of those alone who have the courage to defend it.)
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To: EvilCapitalist; 2CAVTrooper; simpson96
Nothing can top Haribo Sugar Free Gummies reviews.


16 posted on 04/07/2024 8:16:43 PM PDT by DoodleBob (Gravity's waiting period is about 9.8 m/s²)
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To: Jamestown1630
Those reviews are fun.

And since we do quite a bit of boating in the Great Lakes, where there are very large ships, it is actually a decent book for a novice.

17 posted on 04/07/2024 8:26:57 PM PDT by Harmless Teddy Bear ( Roses are red, Violets are blue, I love being on the government watch list, along with all of you.)
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To: DoodleBob

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


18 posted on 04/07/2024 8:26:57 PM PDT by Carriage Hill (A society grows great when old men plant trees, in whose shade they know they will never sit.)
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To: Harmless Teddy Bear

Well, don’t buy it - you can read the first edition on archive.org for free:

https://archive.org/details/john-w-trimmer-how-to-avoid-huge-ships/mode/2up


19 posted on 04/07/2024 8:32:00 PM PDT by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: simpson96

Bump!


20 posted on 04/07/2024 8:32:41 PM PDT by Enterprise
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