Posted on 01/04/2024 7:33:04 AM PST by bitt
Dread it. Run from it. 2024 has arrived all the same. But fear not as the team at The Babylon Bee has been hard at work for you coming up with the most probable, and completely accurate 2024 predictions to help you make it through the New Year.
And remember, it's just an election year. How crazy could it be?
January 3 - Kamala becomes President after Biden passes away peacefully in his sleep underneath her pillow
January 4 - Biden revealed to only be mostly dead, regains Presidency
January 6 - Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez dies again
January 9 - David French publishes revolutionary op-ed "The Conservative Case For Only Supporting Progressive Causes"
January 23 - Streaming services all band together to provide content bundled for $180/month, finally letting you get rid of cable
February 12 - Los Angeles Dodgers sign all baseball players in existence, including the reanimated corpses of Babe Ruth, Shoeless Joe Jackson, and Ty Cobb
February 23 - Ozempic revealed to give patients a taste for human flesh, thus ushering in the zombie apocalypse
February 28 - The population of Mexico reaches 0 as everyone crosses the border into the U.S.
March 1 - Americans begin migrating to now-empty Mexico in search of a better life
March 2 - Trump asks Ron DeSantis to be his running mate
March 3 - Trump tells DeSantis "SIKE!"
March 31 - Elon Musk fathers 73rd child
April 1 - Biden announces plans to cut government spending, stop funding foreign wars, and secure our own border
April 15 - Nothing of note happens
April 19 - AOC posts something really dumb on X
(Excerpt) Read more at babylonbee.com ...
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February 28 - The population of Mexico reaches 0 as everyone crosses the border into the U.S.
March 1 - Americans begin migrating to now-empty Mexico in search of a better life
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Reminds me of the scene in “The Day After Tomorrow” where all the Americans are fleeing to Mexico, and the Mexican Border Patrol is in shock....................
February 28 - The population of Mexico reaches 0 as everyone crosses the border into the U.S.
March 1 - Americans begin migrating to now-empty Mexico in search of a better life
LOL!
All of these sound quite believable!
2024 - The year the Republicans in Congress once again accomplish nothing that benefits their conservative voters.
The Bee has a better track record than the Simpsons and Nostradamus combined.
Some of those are brutal.
Good job, Bee.
The Babylon Bee - Tomorrow’s News, Today.
November 5 - Trump wins election in a historic landslide victory of 128 million votes
November 6 - Trump preemptively impeached on 52 different counts
November 7 - Biden declared the winner of the election after 127 million mail-in votes arrived overnight
Oh come on!
Talk about having your thumb on the scale.
Might as well post that the sun will come up.
Jan 9 is damn funny.
2024 will be more of 2023—where Putin dies and then is resurrected every three days.
;-)
January 4 - Biden revealed to only be mostly dead, regains Presidency
Nice reference to the "Princess Bride"
With all due respect to the Bee shouldn’t Lizzo play Jabba the Hutt?
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