Posted on 06/27/2023 12:36:57 PM PDT by george76
NEW YORK CITY, NY — In order to save the environment from the intoxicating smell of delicious New York pizza cooked in a woodfire oven, Mayor Eric Adams has announced that all pizza must now be cooked under the hand dryer of a public restroom.
"Our planet is dying, and will die sooner if we don't clean up our air immediately," said Adams to a crowd of outraged Italian immigrants. "My chain-smoking Grandma raised me down the street from a pizzeria, and now my second cousin has asthma. The pizza is to blame."
Sources say Adams was forced to retreat after getting pelted by overripe tomatoes.
Environmental activists who don't live in New York praised the move. "New York has the finest and most environmentally friendly bathroom hand dryers in the country," said Greenpeace President Binx Duggley from his private pizza kitchen in the east wing of his mansion. "Just think of the authentic New York flavor you'll get from all that subway fecal bacteria being warmly sprayed all over your cheese pizza! Yum! Tastes just like New York!"
The city also announced it will pull hundreds of NYPD cops from fighting crime and protecting subway riders to instead inspect restaurants for any sign of not properly cooking pizza under a New York hand dryer.
At publishing time, local mafia bosses had put out a contract to have Mayor Adams whacked.
United States is toast with that mentality
As long as it’s not a charcoal-fired hand dryer.
We’re no longer a republic.
We were toast a while ago.
We’re heading for the ash heap if we don’t stop Deep State.
They're not gonna get their hands on my charcoal-fired hand dryer. It was lost when my rowboat sank in the deep waters of the Raritan River.
if they’re worried about the smoke from the arson fires in Canada, all they need to do is have everyone open an east-facing window, put a fan in it, set the fan to high, and blow all the smoke out to sea.
Next we’ll be cooking on hot car hoods.
Manifold Destiny: The One! The Only! Guide to Cooking on Your Car Engine!
👍
Try doing those in a Tesla! Ha!
He also mandated that to be healthier, pizza toppings would now be required to have pineapple, banana, and an equal amount of cheese and honey.
>> As long as it’s not a charcoal-fired hand dryer.
sucks when a briquet flies out of the nozzle — could hit a kid right between the eyeballs
Yep.
Just put the pizzas out on the sidewalk. Global warming will cook ‘em.
In a Tesla, you just have to cook on your overheating battery instead of on the engine :P
LOL! A lithium car-b-que! Yummy!
…with all your guns. Tragic accident. ;)
Salt is bad, urine is recycling. Yum.
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