Posted on 02/01/2023 10:43:23 AM PST by sodpoodle
I have seen this many times before, but it never fails to bring a smile to my face. Maybe THAT'S my problen.
What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress - $5,000. Tux rental - $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes - one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache... You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!
NICKNAMES: If Laura, Kate, and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Wild Man.
EATING OUT: When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY: A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS: A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel. The average number of items in the typical womans' bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS: A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE: A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE: A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL: Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING: Ah, children! A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.: A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing! Send this to the women who have a sense of humor and to the men who will enjoy reading it.
I learned a lot from marriage. Encourage him to go golfing, fishing and hunting...and enjoy your vacation was Lesson 1.
This thread is not safe for home discussion. ;-)
As a woman, when I read things like this, I always say I need a wife.
Ah, now I understand... This explains everything.
I explained to my son and daughter that women and men inhabit the same planet, but live in very different worlds.
—> As a woman, when I read things like this, I always say I need a wife.
None of that lesbo crap around FR! 😂
This appears to be a SOX thread. Sweat dreams
Never heard this before. Just sent to a bunch of friends. Clever! Thanks.
Golden (-:
Correct. It is ever locked into the universe for all to see.
Be that good, bad or indifferent.
My wife and I have the perfect marriage because we came to an agreement before we got married. We agreed I would never try to run her life and that I would never try to run my life.
I had a friend of mine, whose wife was all excited about him going to play golf and he played alot.
Turns out, as he’s leaving the driveway, her lover is coming in the back door.
Go figure.
cripes...exited s\b excited.
22 Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: 23 Because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the saviour of his body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject to Christ, so also let the wives be to their husbands in all things. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ also loved the church, and delivered himself up for it: 26 That he might sanctify it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: 27 That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy, and without blemish. 28 So also ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, as also Christ doth the church: 30 Because we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they shall be two in one flesh. 32 This is a great sacrament; but I speak in Christ and in the church. 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself: and let the wife fear her husband.
“ You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.”
Stop right there! I am left handed…and not only do I have to stop and think about that…often I stop and think about it AND STILL I get it wrong.
As a rule yes
Stats bear this out
A man is always looking for ways to live a life of increasingly fewer cares and troubles.
His wife sees that and attributes it to his not caring about their relationship.
Guys, don’t try to convince her that she’s wrong about that. It will only prove to her mind and heart that you really, truly and honestly don’t care about your relationship with her.
Marriage is not for happiness. It’s for holiness. Stay married, good and faithful servant.
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