Posted on 04/02/2022 8:33:20 PM PDT by bitt
No time for any fancy intro because this is the biggest Florida Man Friday ever.
Let us begin as we always do with …
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
Drunk Florida Man accidentally shoots himself in groin with stolen gun while trying to break into cars Oh no, Florida Man. Not that:
Named as 21-year-old Xavier Matthews, the man was attempting a car burglary in the parking lot of a takeaway outlet in the city of Jacksonville in Florida when the accident happened.
The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office told local station Action News Jax Matthews was found lying in a ditch after the incident last Sunday. You’d be lying in a ditch, too, if you’d just shot yourself in the groin.
With a stolen gun, natch, because Florida Man.
Police said Matthews was arrested and charged with breaching probation, carrying a concealed weapon and armed robbery. He was remanded in custody and is not eligible for bail. How long before Florida Man realizes that California and New York have pretty much eliminated bail, and makes his big move north or west?
When it happens, Florida Man Friday will be here for him.
Although I might need a new name for it.
Introduced last month, here’s the (slightly) updated Florida Man Friday scoring system:
A police chase
Drugs/alcohol
Vehicular madness
A water hazard of some kind
Wild animals
Corrupt officials
Public nudity
Resisting arrest/fleeing police
Golf
Weapon, preferably unusual
Petty crime
Getting caught stupidly
Recidivism
Today’s lead story had: Alcohol, a weapon, petty crime, getting caught stupidly, and recidivism.
SCORE: 5 FMF Points — a new record for a single incident!
(Excerpt) Read more at pjmedia.com ...
BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!
More stories below that one..!!
Ping!
He made himself a snub nose with a snub nose.
That qualifies as poetic justice since he shot his Balzac.
He looks like a guy who shot himself in the groin.
Did he miss the bone? Either way, I bet the boys got moves. Dang baby!
That’s pretty much all of ‘em. ;^)
Golf is a crime ???
must have a bad handicap ...
Didn’t Dr Hook and the medicine show band do a song called “Shootin My Rocks Off”?
Darwin’s Law is real.
Ready, Shoot, Aim, Nuts.
That’s gonna leave a mark!
That must be a file photo. Not sure a person would look that good after shooting themselves in the groin.
He may be pretty close to being able to be a women’s collegiate swimmer.
HAHAHA!
At least he's out of the gene pool.
Talk about running off half cocked........😎
Drugs/alcohol
Vehicular madness
A water hazard of some kind
Wild animals - preferably alligators
Corrupt officials
Public nudity
Resisting arrest/fleeing police
Golf
Weapon, preferably unusual
Petty crime
Getting caught stupidly
Recidivism
Mug shot of perp with shaved eyebrows or other voluntary disfigurement
Regards,
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