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Florida Man Friday: the Groin Injury He'll Never Forget
PJMEDIA ^ | 4/1/2022 | STEPHEN GREEN

Posted on 04/02/2022 8:33:20 PM PDT by bitt

No time for any fancy intro because this is the biggest Florida Man Friday ever.

Let us begin as we always do with …

The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)

Drunk Florida Man accidentally shoots himself in groin with stolen gun while trying to break into cars Oh no, Florida Man. Not that:

Named as 21-year-old Xavier Matthews, the man was attempting a car burglary in the parking lot of a takeaway outlet in the city of Jacksonville in Florida when the accident happened.

The Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office told local station Action News Jax Matthews was found lying in a ditch after the incident last Sunday. You’d be lying in a ditch, too, if you’d just shot yourself in the groin.

With a stolen gun, natch, because Florida Man.

Police said Matthews was arrested and charged with breaching probation, carrying a concealed weapon and armed robbery. He was remanded in custody and is not eligible for bail. How long before Florida Man realizes that California and New York have pretty much eliminated bail, and makes his big move north or west?

When it happens, Florida Man Friday will be here for him.

Although I might need a new name for it.

Introduced last month, here’s the (slightly) updated Florida Man Friday scoring system:

A police chase

Drugs/alcohol

Vehicular madness

A water hazard of some kind

Wild animals

Corrupt officials

Public nudity

Resisting arrest/fleeing police

Golf

Weapon, preferably unusual

Petty crime

Getting caught stupidly

Recidivism

Today’s lead story had: Alcohol, a weapon, petty crime, getting caught stupidly, and recidivism.

SCORE: 5 FMF Points — a new record for a single incident!

(Excerpt) Read more at pjmedia.com ...


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: floridaman
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1 posted on 04/02/2022 8:33:20 PM PDT by bitt
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To: Whenifhow; null and void; aragorn; EnigmaticAnomaly; kalee; Kale; AZ .44 MAG; Baynative; bgill; ...

2 posted on 04/02/2022 8:33:54 PM PDT by bitt ( <img src=' 'width=50%> )
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To: bitt

BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE!

More stories below that one..!!


3 posted on 04/02/2022 8:35:00 PM PDT by bitt ( <img src=' 'width=50%> )
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To: Travis McGee

Ping!


4 posted on 04/02/2022 8:36:34 PM PDT by FreedomPoster (Islam delenda est)
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To: bitt

He made himself a snub nose with a snub nose.


5 posted on 04/02/2022 8:37:35 PM PDT by mcshot (Awe shucks and a whole lot more!)
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To: bitt

That qualifies as poetic justice since he shot his Balzac.


6 posted on 04/02/2022 8:42:46 PM PDT by Ken H (Trump won.)
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To: bitt

He looks like a guy who shot himself in the groin.


7 posted on 04/02/2022 8:44:48 PM PDT by Southside_Chicago_Republican (The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog. )
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To: bitt

Did he miss the bone? Either way, I bet the boys got moves. Dang baby!


8 posted on 04/02/2022 8:48:02 PM PDT by Equine1952
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To: martin_fierro

That’s pretty much all of ‘em. ;^)


9 posted on 04/02/2022 8:48:09 PM PDT by SunkenCiv (Imagine an imaginary menagerie manager imagining managing an imaginary menagerie.)
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To: bitt

Golf is a crime ???

must have a bad handicap ...


10 posted on 04/02/2022 8:48:27 PM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: bitt

Didn’t Dr Hook and the medicine show band do a song called “Shootin My Rocks Off”?


11 posted on 04/02/2022 8:55:49 PM PDT by Equine1952
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To: bitt

Darwin’s Law is real.


12 posted on 04/02/2022 9:00:37 PM PDT by Chad C. Mulligan (qd4)
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To: bitt

Ready, Shoot, Aim, Nuts.


13 posted on 04/02/2022 9:08:11 PM PDT by Zathras
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To: bitt

That’s gonna leave a mark!

14 posted on 04/02/2022 9:15:05 PM PDT by Magnum44 (...against all enemies, foreign and domestic...)
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To: bitt

That must be a file photo. Not sure a person would look that good after shooting themselves in the groin.


15 posted on 04/02/2022 9:15:13 PM PDT by plain talk
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To: bitt

He may be pretty close to being able to be a women’s collegiate swimmer.


16 posted on 04/02/2022 9:21:32 PM PDT by crusty old prospector
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To: crusty old prospector

HAHAHA!


17 posted on 04/02/2022 9:37:49 PM PDT by bitt ( <img src=' 'width=50%> )
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To: bitt
I was going to ask if I needed to look but the first reply posted a picture.

At least he's out of the gene pool.

18 posted on 04/02/2022 10:14:14 PM PDT by GaryCrow
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To: bitt

Talk about running off half cocked........😎


19 posted on 04/02/2022 10:55:11 PM PDT by Viking2002 (Whatever.)
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To: bitt
A police chase

Drugs/alcohol

Vehicular madness

A water hazard of some kind

Wild animals - preferably alligators

Corrupt officials

Public nudity

Resisting arrest/fleeing police

Golf

Weapon, preferably unusual

Petty crime

Getting caught stupidly

Recidivism

Mug shot of perp with shaved eyebrows or other voluntary disfigurement

Regards,

20 posted on 04/03/2022 12:17:51 AM PDT by alexander_busek (Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.)
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