Posted on 08/15/2021 5:26:23 PM PDT by george76
WADSWORTH, Ohio — For years, an Ohio woman has wondered about the son she gave up for adoption more than three decades ago. What does he look like? What does he do for a living? Was he happy?
Well, thanks to the popular DNA genetic testing service 23andMe, she now has those answers and more.
Melanie Pressley was just 18 when she got pregnant with her first child — a boy. Her boyfriend at the time wasn’t supportive and wanted her to get an abortion. Pressley refused and continued on with the pregnancy.
But eventually, she knew she couldn’t keep him.
“I just knew, financially, I wouldn't be able to do it. And the other thing—I wanted him to have a mother and father, so I decided at that point it was best to put him up for adoption,” said Pressley.
With the support of her family, she went through the adoption process with an agency based in Akron.
On June 17, 1988, she gave birth to her son at the then-Timken Mercy Hospital in Canton. She didn’t name him because she wanted his adoptive parents to have that honor.
She said that day, she wasn’t allowed to hold him, but the next day, her sister asked a nurse if they could hold the baby.
“She said, ‘I will take you into a private room so that she can hold him,’ and she said, ‘Take all the time you need.’ And at that point, when I was holding him, my sister took a picture and that was the only picture that I had of him for 33 years. That was the only picture that I had of him,” said Pressley.
Pressley has had three more kids since then and is happily married, but she said every day, and especially every time June 17 rolled around, she thought about the son she gave up for adoption.
“There was still always a little bit of that sadness in me on that day. And that's basically the easiest way to describe it,” said Pressley.
In Winchester, Virginia, 307 miles away from her Wadsworth home, it turns out Pressley’s son was thinking of her too.
He was adopted by the Vossler family and named Greg. They lived in Stow for about seven years after he was adopted, and then moved to Winchester.
“Maybe nine or 10 or somewhere around that age range, they shared with me the story that I was adopted and that the woman who gave me up for adoption thought I could have a better life elsewhere,” said Vossler, who still lives in Winchester.
Vossler said his curiosity wasn’t immediate.
Some years later, he found descriptions of his birth parents that were provided from accounts from the hospital, but there weren’t any names, birth dates, or ages.
“Never was really curious. I'd always joke saying, you know, ‘I don't see a celebrity that looks like me,’ or, ‘No one who's a king or queen in some faraway land resembles me.’ And I always said that was just my joke. You know, whenever somebody asked, it was just my way of having that quick response in my back pocket, I'd never really given it some serious thought,” said Vossler.
But he said it was always in the back of his mind through college, getting married, and raising two sons.
“The reason I named my first son Gregory was because he was my first blood relative that I knew. So I wanted to have that bond,” said Vossler.
Then, in 2019, he decided he wanted to know more.
“My wife and I were sitting and talking one night, and I'm like, ‘I don't know any of my medical history, genetics, you know, where I'm from.’ And there was a 23andMe promotion or something going on. And so I took the test,” said Vossler.
That same year, Melanie’s mom died, which pushed her to do what she’s always wanted to.
“It was always my wish that I wanted him to meet my mother, but she passed away. And the night that she passed away, we were all around the table, my nieces, nephews, my sisters, and everybody. And we were going around just kind of saying things and it got to me and I had just started crying and I said, ‘I need to find my son,’” said Pressley.
But that moment didn’t come until May 2021, when one of Melanie's daughters bought her a 23andMe test as a birthday gift.
The results came back in just days and with them a match to a potential son named Greg Vossler.
“Instantly sent a message, and my first message was, I believe we're related,” said Pressley. “The next message was, I believe I am your birth mother. And from there, it just blew up.”
“One of the very first questions I asked him, which was big for me, was, ‘Are you happy?’ And he came back that he was—oh my gosh—that he's married, he has two boys. I mean, it was just like spilling everything,” said Pressley.
Messages on 23andMe turned into emails and finally texts.
Vossler said they vetted each other thoroughly to make sure the connection was real.
“We were very investigative with each other, you know, the hospital where I was born changed the name. So I said, ‘Well, do you remember the hospital where I was born?’ And she said the name that it was back in 1988. And I was like, ‘OK, alright we got there,’ and there were a few additional things that I had asked and she answered, she passed the test,” said Vossler.
“You're just sitting there and it's not something that you can ever prepare for mentally, and the way I would constantly describe it was just a surreal moment,” said Vossler.
But when Vossley asked if he could call Pressley, she told him she didn’t want to hear his voice until she could see him in person.
So in June, Vossler, his wife Chelsea, and their sons drove to Wadsworth for a weekend.
Both Vossler and Pressley were worried that the connection wouldn’t happen and that it was somehow all a farce, but they were happily mistaken.
Vossler’s wife took a photo of when the two saw each other for the first time.
“I am so thankful for her for doing that because it was the very first time and it was awesome,” said Pressley.
Vossler said he and Pressley talked for four hours straight that first day. He also met 17 members of his new extended family, including two of his siblings, his aunts, and his grandfather.
“Everyone's emotional, everyone's shaking hands or hugging. And, you know, ‘Hey, I'm your half-brother, your half-sister.’ And her oldest sister, who was instrumental in allowing Melanie to have that first picture, came up and grabbed my face. The first time in 33 years that she's seen me,” said Vossler.
“It's an amazing feeling. And it just goes to show that there's always room for families to grow and always room for more love within each other,” said Vossler.
Pressley and Vossler are continuing to nurture their newfound bond. Pressley and her husband, Tim, plan to travel to Virginia this weekend to meet the Vossler family.
Vossler and his family have also been invited to his half-sister’s wedding this fall and plan to attend.
“I am just excited with the ball moving and I am just going to soak up every moment and just enjoy it. Enjoy the little ones also with every opportunity that we get to see them,” said Pressley.
Now, the picture that Pressley’s sister took of them 33 years ago in the hospital isn’t the only one this mother and son have together.
“Life has a funny way of giving you what you need, not what you want. And I guess life just realized that we needed this connection and our families needed each other,” said Vossler.
I wouldn’t know. The only hate expressed has been from you.
I don’t just “blame” the mother.
The adoptive son is much more culpable, as he is betraying his real parents who raised him.
His “real parents”(the adopters) are betrayed only if they find themselves betrayed by their adopted son. If they are not betrayed and he continues to uphold them with honor and respect, seeing to their needs and putting them first then what is that to you? Let the Lord most High judge the situation and let it go.
I generally respect your clear eyed down the middle no holds barred views but you are showing an sharp unreasoning edge with this subject. Can’t help to think that this subject strikes to your quick very deeply.
I think your story is true of most adoptions, i. e., the child is given up to have a better life, not because he is unwanted or unloved. Usually by a young girl with little or no support system.
Often these connections are made primarily for medical history reasons, too.
“The only hate expressed has been from you.”
Go back and re-read your vile, out-of-control posts. There’s obviously something personal and deeper going on behind the scene. The subject isn’t one-size-fits-all, although your opinion is appropriate for you in your situation.
Hard truths are hard to hear.
The adoptive boy betrayed his parents.
The birth mother used the adoptive parents to raise her kids, and now swoops in.
The adoptive parents will be gratuitous and lovely, but are undoubtedly deeply hurt by the betrayal from one they loved.
And no, I have no direct experience with adoption. I am a father of 8 to my one wife. All successful young ladies, doctors and engineers and soldiers and mothers. Perhaps that it is. I know the sacrifices and love I gave (and give) to my children.
As such, I am (apparently) the one of the few here capable of empathy towards the parents, such that I can put aside the pablum put out by the MSM that is designed to destroy the real family.
On the one hand you want women to not have abortions, and on the other you want call women who don’t have abortions whores with something running down their legs because they don’t conform to your expectations.
Quite the cognitive dissonance you have going on there.
And your use of the word “gregarious” in your sentence is completely incomprehensible.
If the son was looking, then fine. But WHAT is the point of taking in a baby, when records are supposed to be SEALED and the baby is given his own life with loving parents? How would you feel if you raised a son, who now is an adult with his own family and kids, and you FINALLY had those Grandbabies you waited and longed for - and now some stranger shows up and gets to play ‘Grandma Bountiful’ when YOU were the parents that put in the WORK?
My main objection is disregard for the LAW, and I hate, hate, HATE all this prying DNA testing cr@p. I know of someone that ‘dabbles’ in this Me-23 cr@p and she seems to get great pleasure from blowing families up when secrets are revealed. ‘He’s NOT your Uncle, he’s your Daddy! Surprise! Happy Birthday!’ It’s sick.
Some of us don’t like to see others forcing the rest of us to lose our privacy. And I have two parents, I was not adopted and I never put a child up for adoption. I raised a step-son and two nephews to adulthood. I was every bit their ‘mom’ as the loser, unstable, drug-addled flesh & blood ‘mothers’ they were unfortunate enough to be born to.
I had the same argument for smoker’s rights, and look where we are today on that issue. And I never have smoked. Look at today’s smearing of those that don’t feel they want or need a Covid shot! And the Socialists are JUST getting started using Covid to restrict travel, make us get shots, have passports for just being outside of our homes! WHERE does it end? It doesn’t. Same for abortion and 60 million plus dead babies (a lot of whom COULD have been adopted) being foisted on us like it’s as simple as blowing your nose. And the arrogance of some of these ‘women’ FLAUNTING their multiple abortions! Ghouls!
All of this stuff leads us down the same slippery slope.
And that’s my reasoning and life experience behind my initial statement. Take it or leave it. :)
I don’t know how I would feel. I do think my feelings might be different if my kid was 17 vs if my kid was 33(!!) years old, well established, and in a good relationship with me while he reached out to his bio-mom. The fact both were looking at about the approximate same time suggests the intervention of a higher order so one might keep that perspective. Scripture offers no firm ground on a subject that otherwise says “Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother that thine days shall be long upon the Earth!” Thus sentiment often rushes into supply guidance around scripture’s lack of clarity on adoptions and and how to handle them as sentiment is certainly so doing on this thread.
One can find some guidance by how gentiles are accepted into the the lineage of Abraham by the Spirit of adoption, that is if one believes as a Christian. I suppose one can find guidance in that various olive branches that were once severed from the main vine could, by that same Spirit that governs all charity, be re-ingrafted again. The Bible says that kids leave their parents and marry and are one flesh with that person that they married and so become separated from their parents in terms of the severing of direct responsibilities over their now adult children. That would also go for adopter parents and their adoptee children as well.
So parents do feel loss when their children grow up and go away but such children will develop other friendships and supports that they will need that their parents, adopter or biological cannot supply for them. I think it wise for adopter parents, just like biological parents have to do, is to accept that parent child relationships will change but not to feel threatened personally by these changes even if their adoptee seeks out their natural parent. It would be abnormal not for such children to be curious and certainly a family medical history would be useful to know.
Now should such an adoptee spurn and reject his adopter parents and come to hold them in absolute disgust in favor of a biological parent, then that does say something about the character of the adoptee and that would be a bitter pill for his adoptive parents to swallow. Shame on him!
If an adoptee gets to know his biological parent/s and develops a workable and friendly /loving relationship with them but treats his adoptive parents first and foremost as his true own, then such a person has truly become a full human being,(much to the credit of his adopter parents, the way) by being able to expand his heart to ingraft the severed olive branches back into his own heart while keeping what he already has even closer!
I do note the slippery slopes you mention and agree on the dangers. Yet this notion of finding one’s true parents and vice versa the bio parents for their kids is not a new phenomena fostered by the socialists. There are stories good and bad that go back as far as the founding of the nation. Technology and the rapid cross-indexed nature of communications nowadays has made such searches easier for good or ill. I do caution about criticizing a situation where both people involved were on the same path to finding each other at the same time. A higher agency than you and I might be involved in this “bringing together”.
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