Have him lead a night flotilla, his teeth do double duty as a powerful spotlight.
Posted on 08/29/2017 9:37:20 AM PDT by fungoking
Edited on 08/29/2017 10:22:52 AM PDT by Admin Moderator. [history]
HOUSTON, TX—Although Joel Osteen took flak over the weekend for closing up his church to flood victims and all but disappearing during the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey, the megachurch pastor reportedly returned to the city on his luxury yacht “S.S. Blessed” to make amends Tuesday by tossing copies of Your Best Life Now to stranded flood survivors.
Osteen had his on-call yacht captain steer the large vessel through the flooded streets of the city, pulling up to survivors stranded on their roofs and on the roof of their cars as the prosperity gospel preacher smiled, waved, and threw out signed editions of the bestselling positive thinking book.
“Believe and declare you are coming into a shift!” Osteen yelled through a bullhorn, according to reports. “God wants His best for you! Enlarge your vision, develop a healthy self image, and choose to be happy!”
“When you think positive, excellent thoughts, you will be propelled toward greatness!” he called out to one family floating on a raft on a freeway-turned-river, whose earthly possessions had been entirely destroyed the previous day.
Osteen also paused for brief photo ops with several families, the smiling pastor briefly allowing them to board his yacht as his professional photography team got shots of the pastor together with the sobbing, distraught flood victims, though the pastor was careful to not stand too close to the mud-caked refugees.
Sources confirmed that the pastor then had his assistants help the families back into their makeshift lifeboats or tree logs on which they were floating through the city.
The Babylon Bee is Your Trusted Source For Christian News Satire.
Whew! It IS satire.
I had visions of people neck deep in filthy water throwing those freshly printed books right back to the author.
Those books would have been flying like birds!
This should not even be posted——it’s not satire,it’s a lie——just read the last sentence.
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Have him lead a night flotilla, his teeth do double duty as a powerful spotlight.
LOL the site is hilarious. I love Duffle Blog too.
Most of it is envy. It’s what successful people experience all the time and God-blessed Christians and Christian ministers especially mostly from the modern-day Pharisees. Same as it ever was.
He’s a creepy televangelist.
Oh, yes:
"Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour."
The "satirist's" only possible defense is that nobody will believe him. That defense falls apart on perusal of this thread ...
Pillory.
Rocks.
Garbage.
This is funny but a while back I worked for a company owned by scientologists and one recounted going down to Haiti with their seaorg boat and handing out copies of dianetics. They probably burned the books for heat.
I agree. That doesn't excuse lying about him.
It's absolutely pure jealousy that people have a problem with a pastor who owns a $10.5 million mansion in the most exclusive area of Houston and a private jet that he takes to resorts you could only dream of.
Keep blowing kisses at the bhagwan's Rolls Royces...I mean pastors...
After the Haiti earthquake
Like the rule for any MoDo article MUST contain at least one picture of CZJ, I guess we need a new rule cautioning certain FReepers that certain posts are an attempt at comedy or parody. Either that or a rule that says “Thou shalt not make fun of snake-oil salesmen” or you run the risk of insulting snakes or speaking ill of oil.
> In general I find most humor pointed at Christian religion and churches to be in the same taste as leftist “humor” pointed at conservatives/Trump <
That’s a fair comment. I guess it all depends on how you answer this question: Is it ethical for a pastor to amass a huge fortune?
And no, that’s not a loaded question. Good people can answer “yes” to that question. And good people can answer “no” to that question. I’m on the “no” side, and so think that millionaire pastors should be open to some teasing.
Others might disagree. And I respect that.
I thought it was a satire piece.
It’s satire by Christians (I presume), aimed at other Christians. Fair game, if you ask me.
Not a fan of Joel or BB, but this is actually pretty funny.
For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that you through his poverty might be rich. 2 Cor 8:9.
Not likely. Dude's a creepy douchenozzle. Can you show me, in Scripture, the "creepy douchenozzle" exception to Exodus 20:16?
Didn't think so.
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