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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Tax-chick

Floofy marmalade!

In other news, the bandage is off this morning, the cut is healed, but still very tender, and I still favor the finger. It is swollen so I can’t get my CTR ring back on just yet, but it will happen.

So. Off to Wally’s.


9,581 posted on 06/17/2016 6:11:37 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Tax-chick

Heil Hissler?


9,582 posted on 06/17/2016 7:01:53 AM PDT by null and void (Hillary Milhouse Clinton: I'm not a c-c-c-crook! Crook! Yeah, that's the c-word I was looking for!)
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To: Covenantor

“Tread carefully, many puddles in path. “

After yesterday’s Storms that is very accurate.
Amazing,these Chinese Predictions.....

Morning.


9,583 posted on 06/17/2016 7:07:51 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick

9,584 posted on 06/17/2016 7:10:24 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

I have one of those! It’s gold color and his left arm is solar powered so he “waves in the luck.” :o]


9,585 posted on 06/17/2016 8:00:54 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

Morning Face.

All Catz are Solar Powered, aren’t they? :)


9,586 posted on 06/17/2016 8:08:25 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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Whinge ,whinge ,whinge: http://www.standard.co.uk/news/transport/paddington-delays-moment-city-worker-handcuffed-amid-rush-hour-chaos-after-train-derailment-a3274041.html


9,587 posted on 06/17/2016 8:22:48 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; All

Good morning (still morning?). I am alive. I was off Monday and Tuesday but have been slammed since mid last week.

Face, did you get your administrator taken off? If not, I can google but I’ll need to be reminded. Are you using Win-tin-tin?


9,588 posted on 06/17/2016 8:35:18 AM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face; Tax-chick; Gefn
All Catz are Solar Powered, aren’t they? :)

Cat in full heliotropic recharge mode.

Note: Solar Charge Controller use inactivates all motor functions.

AC/DC modes are OEM supplied.

AC mode = Active Cat

DC mode = Dead to the world Cat

9,589 posted on 06/17/2016 9:08:40 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Monkey Face; Tax-chick; ArGee

“Note: Solar Charge Controller use inactivates all motor functions.”

That feature is so annoying when you are laid on the beach dying for an Ice Cream....


9,590 posted on 06/17/2016 9:13:13 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: ArGee

No and yes. I’, going outside in a few, so it will be about an hour before I come back.

If I try to do anything, I get a message asking if I want to do it and what’s the administrator password. Grrrr! But it’s on my computer log-page and I want it gone.

If you could help, it would be wonderful.

And you have been missed, but I’ll take better aim next time!


9,591 posted on 06/17/2016 9:21:36 AM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face; moose07
Nathan's dogs are good but since they are Kosher, they are all beef (which is a viable ingredient for a hot dog - much more s than mechanically separated chicken ;-)

Scrapple is found in Amish country. I was going to say it is a 'sausage' but it's not. It's a mush. (Hey - that's what Wikiplace calls it..) I would think that if it was made in England they would call it a pudding - need to run that past our overseas correspondent. (Matter of fact, that vast collection of the total knowledge of the universe previously mentioned says this: "In composition, preparation, and taste, scrapple is similar to the white pudding popular in Ireland, Scotland, and parts of England and the spicier Hog's pudding of the West Country of England.") If you find yourself in Bridgeville, Delaware the second weekend of October you can take in the flavors at the Apple Scrapple Festival. And get to participate in the scrapple toss...

If you stop for breakfast at many of the truckstops in Pennsylvania you will find scrapple as an offering with your eggs along with the usual bacon and ham. If you see someone eating scrapple you know they aren't a jihadi. Of course I have a recipe.

I've had it. With breakfast. In Pennsylvania. At a truck stop. It's not bad.


9,592 posted on 06/17/2016 10:58:53 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
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To: NoCmpromiz; Monkey Face
Looks and sounds tasty.
As for the designation:
Alternative names
Pon haus, Krepples

Type
Pudding

Place of origin
United States

Main ingredients
mush of pork, cornmeal, flour, buckwheat flour, spices

Under the UK food laws ,being of external origin it would retain all of its source attributes.
(Until assimilated....then everybody forgets where it came from and it gets claimed and redesigned as something else.) :)
I can see bits of olive in the mixture in the near future....just by way of an example. *ahem*

9,593 posted on 06/17/2016 11:33:59 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07; Monkey Face
Well, it made EweToob so it's now famous..

Why do you love scrapple?

Maybe the Brits should import some. I think the Mayor of London should try it..

9,594 posted on 06/17/2016 11:40:08 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment. I)
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To: Monkey Face

It can be done, but it’s tricky.

Check freepmail.


9,595 posted on 06/17/2016 12:57:34 PM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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To: ArGee

Done been checked.

If it’s OK with you, since it’s nearing your quitting time, I’ll wait until Monday to start this, because I don’t want to do it without you to critique my work. If that’s OK with you.

Plus, I’m nearing that time of day when my brain turns to oatmeal and everything frustrates me.

And of course, I worry about what will happen if I mess up?


9,596 posted on 06/17/2016 1:15:28 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee; moose07; NicknamedBob; NoCmpromiz

Evening, folks. Made it through the week. I saw my brother for five minutes. He looks about the same as he did a year and a half ago at Dad’s interment.

Bill is driving him to meet some friends for dinner in the airport area, and to get some more practice in his new car.

I have to be at church at 6:30 tomorrow to meet my Puerto Rican ladies. At least I don’t have to wear a Scout uniform!


9,597 posted on 06/17/2016 2:34:25 PM PDT by Tax-chick ("Air is great!" ~ Kathleen)
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To: Tax-chick

YAY! You survived! I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend much time with your brother. I hope he comes back, soon.

I had the bandage off my finger today, but I think I’ll put it back on for night. My finger is swollen and is a little painful.

I crocheted for a bit, but the yarn was a little tight and slightly snarled, and I just didn’t want to deal with it, so now seems like a good time to go to bed.

Is your calendar clear for next week? I mean besides the usual WW, gym trips, library visits, Walmart visits, ferry service, etc.? Just curious, of course.

The package to my son, consisting of the printed copy of Igor’s personal history in a loose leaf binder is finally on it’s way to AR. Delivery is slated for Thursday of next week, but my past experiences with the USPS, once it gets across the state line in AR, it has to go by mule train.

When I lived Del Rio, I sent a package to my son in AR and my sister in MN on Monday. On Wednesday, my sister got her package and my son didn’t get his until the following Monday. So I will make sure I track this. The good thing was that it only cost $3.57 to send it!

The copies to my grandson will go out next week. :o])


9,598 posted on 06/17/2016 3:05:43 PM PDT by Monkey Face (I'm not much on seizing the day. I just kinda poke it with a stick. :o]))
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To: Monkey Face

“mule train.”

Don’t forget just how mahoosive the US actually is...
8h flight , DFW to Newfoundland then 8h to LHR.
Without the stagecoaches of old things are going to appear slower.


9,599 posted on 06/17/2016 3:35:28 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: moose07

Mine


9,600 posted on 06/17/2016 3:35:51 PM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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