Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 2,301-2,3202,321-2,3402,341-2,360 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: Monkey Face

Step 1 will be to make sure your wireless adapter in the Dell is working. Is there a light on the outside that will tell you if the hardware is running? (Maybe it is either orange=off or blue=on or something like that.)


2,321 posted on 01/19/2016 7:36:07 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2320 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

Yes, and I have the date/time page up.


2,322 posted on 01/19/2016 7:38:47 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2321 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

So you’re at a normal new-user set-up? Do that as if you just took it out of the box brand new. If it gets stuck, let me know.


2,323 posted on 01/19/2016 7:46:35 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2322 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

If you’d rather go through FReepmail, let me know as well.


2,324 posted on 01/19/2016 7:47:37 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2322 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

OK. I have the page with the icons on it.


2,325 posted on 01/19/2016 7:48:20 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2323 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

Message popped up: Configuration system failed to initialize.


2,326 posted on 01/19/2016 7:49:40 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2324 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Is this resetting to Win 8 or upgrading to Win 10?


2,327 posted on 01/19/2016 7:51:48 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2326 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

They didn’t do anything to the system. If they had, they would have seen that it wouldn’t access the Internet. It is running Win 10.

If they had done their jobs, it would have been re-set back to Win 8, which is how I know they didn’t even try to fix it.


2,328 posted on 01/19/2016 7:55:00 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2327 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

It also won’t respond when I try to access the shut off mode (Windows icon)

So I’m just going to email Dell again.


2,329 posted on 01/19/2016 8:01:11 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2327 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

Welp. It gave me a message of Factory Recovery Media, but I don’t have a flash drive with enough capacity for that.

So there is nothing I can do until I get one.

I will try again later.


2,330 posted on 01/19/2016 8:08:33 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2327 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

29 here, sunny, a bit of a north wind.

I lost 3.4 lbs. After lunch, I’m going to Walmart, like I do every day.


2,331 posted on 01/19/2016 8:27:22 AM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2305 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Thank God kitty doesn’t have a data plan.


2,332 posted on 01/19/2016 8:37:32 AM PST by A CA Guy ( God Bless America, God Bless and keep safe our fighting men and women.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2296 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Good for you! I think...I guess it depends on how skinny you want to be. ;o]


2,333 posted on 01/19/2016 8:41:20 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2331 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

I want to be egregiously skinny, but WW will shower me with concerned tsk-tsk-tsking if I get under 120.


2,334 posted on 01/19/2016 8:52:27 AM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2333 | View Replies]

To: A CA Guy

$150 in texts just this month!


2,335 posted on 01/19/2016 8:52:48 AM PST by Tax-chick (Onions are a woman's weapon.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2332 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I’ve never had to pay for my texts or long distance. I have cricket Wireless and I love it. $42 a month. :o])


2,336 posted on 01/19/2016 9:26:38 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2335 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Sorry - 11:00-12:15 local I have a bunch of stand-up status meetings. This is being typed between two of them.

The error message you’re seeing suggests it’s from an installed app, not from the system itself. If you just dismiss it, can you use Win 10?

Auugh! Then I never posted it. Ah, well, that’s today.


2,337 posted on 01/19/2016 9:28:36 AM PST by ArGee (Don't look down here. This is just a tagline.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2328 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I want to be very slender, but because of my age, skinny is not becoming. It makes all the skin sag and bag in all the wrong places.

My biggest problem, of course, is hypoglycemia, and it needs to be constantly monitored because at my age, it can very quickly shift to diabetes. DO. NOT. WANT.


2,338 posted on 01/19/2016 9:34:41 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2334 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

See 2330.

I need a flash drive with a 9.5 (at least) capacity before the computer will let me move on.


2,339 posted on 01/19/2016 9:36:39 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2337 | View Replies]

To: ArGee

I figured you were busy. This IS a work day!


2,340 posted on 01/19/2016 9:37:36 AM PST by Monkey Face (I believe the best social program is a job. ~~ Ronald Reagan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2337 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 2,301-2,3202,321-2,3402,341-2,360 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson