Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 101-120121-140141-160 ... 10,941-10,943 next last
To: PROCON

Nice, Procon!! Very nice!


121 posted on 12/12/2015 5:50:34 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 107 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

I saw the Nutcracker long ago, in Corpus Christi, I think. DP and I saw “Giselle” done by the Kirov Ballet in San Antonio, their first American tour ever, iirc.

Today’s performance is the Union County Youth Ballet.


122 posted on 12/12/2015 5:54:41 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 120 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

It should be fun, no matter who it’s by. When we were living in Olympia WA, my mother came to visit, and I took her to a little local production of the Nutcracker.

Only the most important parts were played, rather than the entire ballet, but my mother enjoyed it.


123 posted on 12/12/2015 6:15:50 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 122 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

GAH!!!

We had rain last night, and after the wind of the last few days, my windshield was spotted muck. I turned on the wipers and the washer, and the result was mud, and the wipers didn’t clean it; they skipped over it and the path wasn’t clean. I think I just bought new ones at the first of the year, but I have to get another pair, soon, as this is the season for rain, here.

If it rains while I’m driving, I will have to pull over and wait for the rain to let up. Ugly!


124 posted on 12/12/2015 8:15:45 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 123 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Gah.

We’re supposed to get rain tomorrow. The Boy Scouts and Cubs are out delivering their popcorn. Hopefully they’ll find people at home doing yardwork on this beautiful day. Kathleen went along, too.


125 posted on 12/12/2015 9:32:42 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 124 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn

126 posted on 12/12/2015 9:40:04 AM PST by Covenantor ("Men are ruled-...by liars who passing refuse the. news, and by fools who cannot govern." Chesterton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 125 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor

Weird angle!


127 posted on 12/12/2015 9:41:59 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 126 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Now they’re all back, whining that they’re hot and they need a drank and they’re sweating so hard, yadda yadda. Wimps.


128 posted on 12/12/2015 9:42:34 AM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 124 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick; Covenantor; ArGee; NoCmpromiz; Dead Corpse

My computer has been down since my last post at 0815. The message said the memory was low (what??? why???) and until a few minutes ago, I couldn’t boot up.

NOT a good Saturday. I don’t know what’s going on, but another message told me it had updated. Dang, I hate that. Why can’t it wait till I’m in bed to update?

I went to check the mail and the wind was colder than it was when I went to get laundry change. The coat I have is not doing a very good job keeping me warm.

I got the dishes done and a couple of little superficial cleaning jobs, but didn’t change the sheets, which I probably need to do. I’m still not feeling all that well, but I’m not coughing any more, so that’s good.


129 posted on 12/12/2015 10:28:41 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 125 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

Wow. A little heat and they all wilt. Go figger!

I need to go to some websites and check the cost of some wiper blades. I was really disgruntled about the mud on the windshield. *sheeesh*


130 posted on 12/12/2015 10:30:43 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 128 | View Replies]

To: NoCmpromiz
Which is still way better than the circular reasoning of our politicians...

Which is why We, The People, need to show those politicians the "circular" — a.k.a. revolving — door to Public Office as implemented at the Ballot Box.

131 posted on 12/12/2015 11:12:40 AM PST by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 113 | View Replies]

To: HKMk23

How are things in your world, HK? Are the kids taller than you are now?


132 posted on 12/12/2015 11:40:04 AM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 131 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick
There is an alternative.. ;-)


133 posted on 12/12/2015 11:58:13 AM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 128 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Taller than I; yes, Son1 and Son2. Even Daughter1 is getting close.

Just had Birthday 13 for Son3 and am in the middle of a $300,000 document storm. WOO-HOO! Legal Eagle actually coming to the house this afternoon to bil— er, uh, — help us move the ball forward.

...and hundreds of pages to scan ere I sleep...

My trusty laptop got sideways with Win10 the other day, and I fixed that, but had to re-up a printer driver installation, which — par for the course — took 3X as long as it ought to have & should have been scannig away, instead. GRRRR.

Still haven’t got Christmas deco put up — maybe this week. Debating about the tree; we’ve a 7-month old male kitteh, now. He’s playful, and getting HEAVY. Not sure he’d leave a Christmas tree unscathed. Don’t want to abandon the idea completely, so maybe just put up the tree with lights; no dangly things to tempt his catness.

I’ve just NOT had time to poke my nose in here much to even do a decent job lurking, much lest posting regularly. I try to snag a story ever two or three days and post it to my Facebook page in hopes that folks will find a good home here in these forums at FR, but I don’t get much beyond that before I’m off driving someone somewhere or dousing the flames of sibling conflict.

Hope your Christmas is shaping up well & you’re able to have some good times with good folks this holiday Season.


134 posted on 12/12/2015 12:58:55 PM PST by HKMk23 (You ask how to fight an idea? Well, I'll tell you how: with another idea!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 132 | View Replies]

To: HKMk23; Monkey Face

Nice to see you! Our son #3 will be 14 in 10 days. Maybe he’ll get taller in the next year; the fact that his feet recently grew two sizes is indicative ...

We saw the Nutcracker ballet this afternoon. It was cute. My friend’s daughter was the Sugarplum Fairy and a couple of other roles.


135 posted on 12/12/2015 1:54:02 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 134 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I’m glad you enjoyed the Nutcracker! I’m sure your friend’s daughter won’t forget her experience of having several roles in that play!

It’s cold and I’m ready to go to bed. But I’m hungry. I want something good to eat and what I have isn’t what I want. I want something like fried chicken. Or maybe roast chicken. Mostly protein...and maybe some al dente pasta.

My eyes are scratchy and my body feels like it needs to be resurrected, whatever that means. Maybe I’ll be able to find a menu for a good cause. This is weird!


136 posted on 12/12/2015 2:30:54 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 135 | View Replies]

To: Covenantor

Whoa! Weird!


137 posted on 12/12/2015 2:31:27 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 126 | View Replies]

To: Monkey Face

Walmart sells fried chicken. At least, it does here. Very crunch.

Need to take James and Pat to church in a few minutes.


138 posted on 12/12/2015 2:31:46 PM PST by Tax-chick (Maximizing my cultural appropriation.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 136 | View Replies]

To: Tax-chick

I would love to get some fried chicken at Walmart, but there isn’t enough stuff in the coin purse. So I’ll just think about it. I had to get laundry money today.

And I want the chicken and some white wine. That would be VERY good! :o])


139 posted on 12/12/2015 2:37:24 PM PST by Monkey Face (To be without silver is better than to be witihout honor. ~~ Nordic proverb)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 138 | View Replies]

To: Gefn

140 posted on 12/12/2015 10:18:40 PM PST by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 139 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 101-120121-140141-160 ... 10,941-10,943 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
General/Chat
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson