Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee
Raqqa, Syria
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.
"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."
An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.
Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."
According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.
"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."
So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."
See!
Obama WAS right..
I got that...tongue in cheek... ;o]
Yes. And I understand Donald Trump is seriously considering withdrawing from the Presidential race since he won’t be needed any longer to make America great again.
Nice! You should host your own satire blog.
LOL, great title.
Isn’t El Rushbo a FReeper?
ArGee, calling ArGee.
ArGee, calling ArGee.
ArGee, please pick up the House Phone. You have an urgent call with an offer of employment from the Washington Post.
ArGee, calling ArGee.
ArGee, calling ArGee. ...
This is the biggest endorsement for Al Gore, our next Secretary General of the UN.
I don’t think so—Mark Levin is(holdonow) but I don’t think he is active.
I suspect that Rush lurks here to do his show prep.
Funny
Well, he shows up when I put his name in the “to”, but it could be someone else I suppose.
Maybe I’ll send a link to him, then.
I actually made it on as a caller once back in the ‘90s.
At COP 21 thy will only have to lower world temp by 1.5 degrees ,they think the earth is the size of Obama’s Brain
Thanks for the compliment. Unfortunately these kinds of ideas don’t come to me often. Let alone the time to flesh them out.
Isn’t there a famous juvenile chef by that name?
If it weren’t for Charles Krauthammer I wouldn’t use the Washington Post for anything other than a bird cage liner.
But thanks for the thought.
Did they include the scale?
I once had Limbaugh read one of my tongue-in-cheek responses to an editorial he did. But this was when he was in Kansas City doing a drive time show on local radio. We lost the Kings and Rush to Sacramento. I missed Rush more than the Kings and was happy when he went national.
Very cool!
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.