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ISIS Surrenders in face of Climate Change Conference
Vanity | 12/10/2015 | ArGee

Posted on 12/10/2015 1:17:32 PM PST by ArGee

Raqqa, Syria

Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the leader of the Islamic State in Iraq and the Levant, also known as ISIS, announced today that he would be disbanding all forces and returning all land to Syria and Iraq. The move was prompted by the ongoing Climate Conference in Paris.

"This is one thing we could not have anticipated," Mr. al-Baghdadi said in prepared remarks. "When we see the world coming together like this on such a dangerous subject as Global Climate Change, we realize that our Caliphate will never survive. It's only a matter of time before Climate Change is no more and the world's attention turns to us. At that point, we will have no chance. For the sake of the men, women, and children who have supported us, I can not continue a doomed campaign."

An emotional al-Baghdadi did not take any questions.

Sources close to al-Baghdadi who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us that it was becoming more and more difficult to recruit new fighters. "Even our existing people are extremely demoralized," one said. "The words of Donald Trump himself can not overcome our dispair."

According to their press release, surrender is total and immediate. Fighters are being paid and sent home by division. Any remaining money will be put into a fund to resettle Christians and Yazidis who have been displaced by the war.

"We thought the world was fragmented," one strategist was overheard saying to himself. "Who knew it could come together like this? This is a stinging rebuke."

So far there has been no comment from Damascus, Baghdad, Moscow, or Washington. One source inside the Kremlin said, "We are waiting to see if there will be any follow-up action. We want to make sure this is real before we decide on our next steps."


TOPICS: Humor; Religion; Science
KEYWORDS: afunny; ahoot; aparody; asatire; climatechange; epa; funny; globalwarming; globalwarminghoax; greennewdeal; hoot; hypochondriacsanon; isis; jvteam; lampoon; molassesmiasma; monkeyfacerules; parisconference; parody; penguinhumor; popefrancis; romancatholicism; satire; terrorism; undeadthread; undeadthreadhere; woeisme
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To: Covenantor

(5) A citizen of Venezuela...


10,901 posted on 07/12/2016 9:17:15 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Good one!
and I missed including that after reading the VTP crisis report.


10,902 posted on 07/12/2016 9:24:48 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; moose07; Tax-chick

Have any you had occasion to use “Sugru Moldable Glue”?

https://sugru.com/

Have some project detail work where this might be the simpler solution.


10,903 posted on 07/12/2016 10:08:47 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: null and void
Well..

You could make your own.. ;-)

And since garum is Roman you might find some, albeit of dubious quality, in recovered amphorae from galley wrecks..

Barring access to recovered amphorae, you could try the modern-day offspring still made in Italy from anchovies - Colatura di Alici.

Else you will need to visit your favorite Vietnameese restaurant and/or market for the present day oriental version nước mắm. There is at least one buying guide for that.. ;-)

10,904 posted on 07/12/2016 10:15:48 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

They wouldn’t care about that in Venezuela..


10,905 posted on 07/12/2016 10:19:03 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: Covenantor

Not that brand.
Have you tried the Twopart Moldable resin from the Car repair section.
Looks like putty, until it sets like steel.
Comes as a stick, Just mix it together in your hand.


10,906 posted on 07/12/2016 10:35:03 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: NoCmpromiz

They need to learn to Yacht.
I can’t believe I just said that....


10,907 posted on 07/12/2016 10:36:29 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: nascarnation

I’ll have to keep NAPA in mind, as I do have a AAA card. I wouldn’t be without it!

And I’ll check out the counter guys...this little Podunk town has an amazing supply of beefcake! ;o]


10,908 posted on 07/12/2016 10:53:02 AM PDT by Monkey Face (If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!)
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To: moose07

oh. My. NEEED!!! :o])


10,909 posted on 07/12/2016 10:54:48 AM PDT by Monkey Face (If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!)
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To: moose07

Ahhh...thanks for the tip.


10,910 posted on 07/12/2016 11:03:13 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: Covenantor; Darksheare; NicknamedBob; Tax-chick; Monkey Face

I can’t remember who is in charge of logistics but you might note that we’re slowly but surely creeping up on post # 11,000.

I don’t think there’s any difference in the FR DB if we go to 11,000 in 1 post or 1,000 in eleven posts but it does get confusing for people who actually happen to notice the article and jump in.

So, should we be looking for a new dock for the castle?


10,911 posted on 07/12/2016 11:05:41 AM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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To: ArGee; Darksheare; Tax-chick; NoCmpromiz; Covenantor; moose07; NicknamedBob

I think we’re long past due for a move, and lately several have been noted. But we need the Moving Van, and only Darksheare has the keys to that. Maybe someone he is associated with quite closely, can do it for him. *hint-hint*


10,912 posted on 07/12/2016 11:14:37 AM PDT by Monkey Face (If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!)
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To: Monkey Face; ArGee
Just getting the Orange Smoke ready...


10,913 posted on 07/12/2016 11:20:44 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: ArGee

But for those who just jump in it provides many fine minutes, er, hours, er days of reading enjoyment.. ;-)


10,914 posted on 07/12/2016 11:22:22 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: moose07

Keep it at ready. I’ll see if I can find the van driver..


10,915 posted on 07/12/2016 11:23:28 AM PDT by NoCmpromiz (John 14:6 is a non-pluralistic comment.)
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To: NoCmpromiz

That would be so kind of you, NoC. (He is sorely missed by at least one of me.)


10,916 posted on 07/12/2016 11:24:36 AM PDT by Monkey Face (If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!)
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To: ArGee; Darksheare; Slings and Arrows; moose07; Tax-chick; Monkey Face; Gefn; All

As a newcomer to the UT, I leave the decision to the original bucanneers whether to seek a new prize vessel to commandeer or to continue with this old scow.@


10,917 posted on 07/12/2016 11:25:45 AM PDT by Covenantor (Men are ruled...by liars who refuse them news, and by fools who cannot govern. " Chesterton)
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To: NoCmpromiz

Righty Ho.


10,918 posted on 07/12/2016 11:33:21 AM PDT by moose07 (DMCS (Dit Me Cong San ) - Nah. ...Ermentrude chewed on some more grass and watched....)
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To: Monkey Face

I thought you said you were going to work on your aim...


10,919 posted on 07/12/2016 11:34:15 AM PDT by ArGee (JFK put a man on the moon. Obama put a man in the girl's bathroom.)
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To: ArGee

I did say that. But I didn’t say when. ;o]


10,920 posted on 07/12/2016 11:35:44 AM PDT by Monkey Face (If attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!)
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