I head a comedian tell that once, and it's still hilarious.
Posted on 08/07/2015 2:48:37 PM PDT by rickmichaels
The Internet lit up last month when Toronto resident Anne Thériault took to Twitter to live tweet a terrible first date that she was observing at a coffee shop.
The guy was described as a pretentious writer type, who spent the entire time talking about himself, making comments about the “body” of the coffee they were drinking and casually mentioning that he knew of a better coffee spot where they don’t “over-roast their beans.”
After he failed to ask his date any questions about herself, she did what most of us would do: faked a text from her mom and made a swift exit.
Although Thériault’s comments were hilarious and on-point (who hasn’t been on a date like the one she described?) What she witnessed isn’t uncommon in the least. In the age of online dating, where the decision to go out with someone is often as simple as swiping right on your phone, truly terrible dates happen all the time. In fact, there’s probably one happening as we speak.
So, what exactly makes for a bad first date? After consulting with my social network, I’ve come up with the five signals that make the perfect recipe for a terrible first date.
1. When dinner and drinks turn into bizarre confession hour
A key indicator is if your date manages to alienate you right from the get-go. The easiest way to make this happen? By admitting to a series of bizarre personal facts. For example, Madeline from Philadelphia said that she knew she was on a bad date when her companion for the evening revealed over dinner that he “quit his job to work for the city doing rat collection.”
In the case of Alana in Vancouver, she knew her date was a goner when the guy showed up wearing a “red, ratty and baggy wool sweater, grey jogging pants with a pair of frayed jean cutoffs layered atop. I am serious!” Her date then explained proudly, “I found my outfit in a dumpster right before I came here!”
2. Their restaurant etiquette is off
When it comes to dating and food, there are certain basic etiquette rules that should be followed. Failure to do so can result in a disastrous dating experience. For example, if you invite someone to a restaurant, it’s good form to order something from said restaurant. There should also be a clause that says, “thou shall not unexpectedly serenade your date.” One of my worst dates involves going out with a guy who, instead of ordering food - “I’m kind of broke right now, so I’m just going to have water,” he said - decided to loudly serenade me with one of his obscenity-filled freestyle raps in the middle of a crowded restaurant. It took all of my willpower not to slink under the table.
3. Your date spends the entire time talking about themselves
As Theriault’s tweets point out, a good way to ensure that the first date is the last date, is to talk about yourself and only yourself. First dates are all about getting to know each other to see if there’s any romantic potential. This is nearly impossible to accomplish when your date spends the entire time bragging about their accomplishments (“I was the most popular guy at my fraternity, so naturally I had a lot of one night stands”) and recanting their last golfing trip to Arizona in agonizing detail. A few years ago I went on a date with a guy who spent 40 minutes talking about his passion for CrossFit without allowing me a word in edgewise. How do I know this? I timed him. Don’t be this guy.
4. Their family unexpectedly gets involved in your date
Nothing immediately sours a date like realizing the person you’re meeting looks absolutely nothing like their photos. When Arianne in Toronto asked her date why he didn’t look like the photos he’d posted, he apologized and admitted that he’d actually used photos of his sons. Ah yes, the old online dating photo bait and switch - a sure-fire way to make sure the first date doesn’t lead to the second. However, if that story doesn’t make you want to bang your head against a wall, Megan in Texas says that on a first date a guy once requested that she “pose as his girlfriend” in order to make his ex-wife - who was stopping by to drop off his kids for a custody visit - jealous.
5. Your date rubs a piece of meat on your arm
No, this isn’t some kind of euphemism. This happened to April in Texas when, as she describes, her date “used a pork-chop as a loofah.” The evening already wasn’t going very well when her date asked her if she was having a good time, she was honest. He vowed to her that he could make the date better.
“He then took a piece of pork chop out of his to-go box, wiped it down my bare arm and said, "That's right. I just rubbed meat on your arm,” she says.
When asked for her worst date moment, April is clear, “When you must remove the pork sauce from your arm and you realize you’re not on a TV show about bad dates - this is real life.” A story that proves when it comes to dating nightmares, the truth is almost always stranger than fiction.
Nothing wrong with whisky girls...
My WORST date ever: I was picked up at home to go to lunch with a guy. He asked if we could stop for “just a minute” so he could check out some woods (he had written permission from the owner to hunt deer on it). I stayed in the car and when he came back, he said, “You know, I could bury you out there and no one would ever find you”. Then he laughed. You know that electrical shock you feel run through your body when you get really, REALLY scared?! Well.. yeah.. needless to say, I never went out with him again.
As per your post:
1. I will make America great again”
2. Donald Hussein Trump Newbama!
3. Wooooooo!!!
4. I am the greatest!!!
5. Don’t ask me anything, I will throw a fit and trash you on Twitter
Gee, who could that be? Jeb? Cruz? et al? As I said, you're about as subtle as Megyn. You tailor your snarks to fit only one person, then come on all doe-eyed that you never mentioned anyone by name. Your disingenuous would fit right in at MSNBC - or FOX.
Women know in the first few seconds if it will never go anywhere beyond ‘friends’. They are certain of what they dont want. They are however extremely uncertain of what they do want. That’s where you have a chance. :-)
Stateside.
All in the eye of the beholder
lol
See when the wife and I go to movie and/ or dinner it’s not date night, it’s going to a movie and/ or dinner. “Date” has a very specific meaning, which to me included wearing uncomfortable clothing, and spending dinner lying to each other. Date night means the possibility of adding to the list of this story, with your spouse. Yuch. I’d much rather have fun.
When he says “OMG my ankle bracelet just alarmed. My parole officer is going to be really mad”
I head a comedian tell that once, and it's still hilarious.
As in line two??
I don't believe we own uncomfortable clothes and why would we lie to each other?
Date night is just a time when we go out and have fun together.
Then again, a girl who says "yes sir" and is suitably compliant may mean that I can leave the bag full of rope and duct tape at home.
1. Online dating site, fellow seems normal enough, pass go and progress to coffee date. I provide my photo, request his, so we can find each other in crowded venue. He sends photo of Eddie Munster. I pretend not to notice the subterfuge, but “confess” that my photo was old and I now have an inoperable brain tumor “that looks almost like an extra little head growing next to my ear” and ask if he still wants to meet. He does not respond.
2. Blind date with a recently divorced millionaire in Rolls Royce. On the way to restaurant, tells me the dollar cost of his car, his mansion, his Armani suit, his pinky ring, and his “douchebag” ex-wife’s lawyer. At restaurant, he converses in Italian with obviously gay waiter, takes waiter out to the parking lot to show him his car. Returns to table to discover his date (me) has slipped out the side door and grabbed a cab. Later tells friend who arranged blind date that he “actually prefers” “difficult” women and wonders if **I** would like to see **him** again. I ask our mutual friend to please convey my regrets.
3. Another blind date. He arrived early. He’s wearing an ill-fitting toupee and has already ordered and begun eating his dinner—a HUGE sausage which looked for all the world like a giant turd. I had a salad and watched toupee guy sawing on the turd-like sausage; at one point, he went to men’s room and adjusted his toupee. I could see little spots of fresh glue.
No, we don’t do a date night. When we want to go out and do stuff we go out and do stuff. Just got back from a movie... and grocery shopping.
Because that’s what dates are. Lying to somebody hoping to impress them.
Date night is trying to get the spousal thing to be more like the dating thing. But since dating sucks it’s a bad goal.
#11: You finish half a draft beer while she’s on her second whiskey on rocks.
Compromise, both of you should drink tequila.
looks like Flo from the car insurance commercials
ewwwwwwwww!!!
I never did it that way and I don't think that my husband did either. What would be the point?
Now I can not say that I did not go out with a few liars before finding him but most of them were honest men. I guess I still don't get contemporary culture.
It’s not really contemporary. It’s just how it is. Dates are a known time of fibbing. They’re like job interviews. And much like how job interviews are actually a terrible way to get to know a prospective employee dates are a terrible way to get to know a prospective mate.
>>Compromise, both of you should drink tequila.
I was looking for love, not for a one-night stand with a one-legged cafeteria lady from West Virginia.
I went on a first/last date with a guy who refused to take off his sunglasses the entire time, even in the dimly lit restaurant.
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