New Gun Buyers Are Being Asked To Declare Sexual Orientation and Plans For The Weekend

Original Content | 9/22/2014 | Laz A. Mataz

[Lazamataz]

People who purchase new guns are being forced to disclose sexual orientation and specific, detailed plans for the upcoming weeked, in the latest amendment to the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosive (BATFE) agency's Form 4473 that was issued as of September 1, 2014.

Gun retailers said that the buyer may select one of the 12 sexual orientation options, and that failure to select an option was considered a violation, and very tacky as well. The options, copied verbatim from the form, are as follows:

• Dirty, stinking, breeding Heterosexual
• Superior, wonderful Homosexual
• Transvestite
• Transexual
• Pansexual
• Asexual
• Gender Questioning
• Intersex
• Gender Fluid
• Quantum Gender
• Transgender unspecified
• Inanimate-Object Attracted

Once orientation is selected, the buyer is required to fill in a box that states their specific evening plans for the weekend that immediately follows the purchase.

Buyers and gun-retailers say they’re concerned about how the information will be used. “This issue concerns me deeply because, first, it’s offensive, and, secondly, I'm not even sure what to put on the form,” said Olive Allovitt, who is a lawyer who specializes in firearms law. "I saw lots of options, but I don't see any selection for we who prefer to love rutabagas and other vegetables. I don't think the "Inanimate-Object Attracted" option quite describes us."

The BATFE said the form change was required because agents are finding themselves unable to match up to a given buyer for a 'good time'. “The OMB requires agencies to ask both sexuality and plans for the weekend, in a specific manner (as done on [Form 4473]), and this information is only used to secure qualified officers dates, overnights, and other favors,” ATF spokesperson Horn E. Gooser said in an emailed response to the news site.

U. Gottabee Kiddin, the American Civil Liberties Union director, says the OMB guideline is overreachinig and intrusive. “There is nothing [in BATFE or OMB’s website links addressing the sexual orientation and availability data-collection] that supports the requirement that BATFE agents be relaxed and free of stress," Kiddin said. "This is clearly an attempt to give agents a chance to hit that," she added.

[Jane Long]

Hee hee....thanks for the lolz ping.

[Slings and Arrows]

Hmmm...

o/~ My Darling, you have chilled me to the marrows
And two slow leeks are coming from my eyes.
Oh baby, I canola’nger stand it.
Our onion has been broken by your lies... o/~

Might work, might work.

[muir_redwoods]

Q. Sexual Orientation
A. Pansexual

Q. Weekend Plans?
A. I plan on making several mushroom and cheddar omlettes,

[CatherineofAragon]

LOL!

Yeah, you’re good.

[Fast Moving Angel]

The only explosions are mattress-related.

Then don't fill your waterbed so full ;-)

PS: Love this ... great work!

[Lazamataz]

You should be a celery-ed employee at some Hallmark poetry factory. You should leek into it; you never know what might turnip.

[Slings and Arrows]

Without my art, I choke.

[Lazamataz]

I cannot beet that logic. I have a sense of peas descend over me, from my head, tomatoes.

[CatherineofAragon]

I’m dying here, LOL!

[Slings and Arrows]

If you carrot all, as a human bean, be sweet, peas.

[ApplegateRanch]

I, too, am a vegisexual, but limit myself to only oral acts.

Lately, I have been branching out, exploring with fruit; does that make me a pervert?

[Lazamataz]

Lettuce turnip the love. Lettuce set some dates. We can make this a grape day for all, raisin the roof!

[Lazamataz]

Remember, there is not mushroom for error!

[CatherineofAragon]

I am in the presence of greatness.

A moment of silence is in order on my end.

[Slings and Arrows]

I’m just having fun, guy! I would ‘ear you all day long. Give me morel!

No shiitake.

[CatherineofAragon]

OMG, lol.

I hope nobody steps up to challenge you two...you’ll squash them.

(Yes, I know it’s pathetic, but that’s my lone contribution, so whatever).

[Slings and Arrows]

I hope nobody steps up to challenge you two...you’ll squash them.

[Psalm 73]

"Lately, I have been branching out, exploring with fruit; does that make me a pervert?"

Yes. Vegetables are now an acceptable "life-choice" and Vegisexuals a protected class.
Sex with fruits is just plain weird....

[CatherineofAragon]

*blush*

[Lazamataz]

I hope nobody steps up to challenge you two...you’ll squash them.

Well done!