~~~~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd ~~~~

[Lucky9teen]

http://www.youdrivewhat.com/

White House Infested With Bedbugs After Biden Brings In Recliner Off The Curb

WASHINGTON—The White House suffered a severe bedbug infestation last week after Vice President Joe Biden reportedly "scored" a discarded recliner chair that "someone was just throwing out" on the corner of Windom Road and 32nd Street. "It's plenty comfy, and I'll tell ya, they don't make 'em with levers like this anymore," said Biden, scratching at a series of red welts on his arms as he pointed out the pocket on the side that could hold both a remote control and a Coors tallboy. "It reclines all the way back. All the way. And you wanna know what else? It holds two people, if you know what I mean." Meanwhile, Senegal officials reported that their nation has been plagued by an outbreak of bedbugs since its president returned from a short stay in the Lincoln Bedroom.



Obama To Wait For Next Bruce Springsteen Album For Word On Economy

WASHINGTON—Faced with the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression, the White House announced Tuesday that a cautious President Obama is awaiting the release of the next Bruce Springsteen album before moving forward with additional economic stimulus initiatives. "If Mr. Springsteen puts out an E-Street Band project with one rave-up and several tracks containing an overarching theme of redemption, the president will certainly take that as a strong indicator of economic recovery," said press secretary Robert Gibbs, adding that an album cover featuring an American flag would be "extremely promising." "However, if he records a stark, haunting, Nebraska-esque exploration of blue-collar life, then it is time to lower interest rates and take immediate steps toward drastically reevaluating our current strategy." The president has reportedly eschewed the supplementary Mellencamp Little Pink Housing Index used during the Reagan administration, as economists now widely believe it conveys a derivative, shallow view of the American fiscal landscape.

[doubled]

b4ltr

[Pan_Yan]

Wongwrongwrongwrongwrong.

[Nateman]

[Froufrou]

We lost our humor when Obamassiah was elected...

[Lady Jag]

[Lady Jag]

The real story behind that three hour tour...

[Cyber Liberty]

‘Tain’t Friday if there ain’t no silliness.

[CSM]

I was just happy to have a contribution...

[Darksheare]

Da hyoomansss no giv cheezburgrs!

[Darksheare]

“That was my pen..”

The delivery guy *Bang!* into the wall.

[Darksheare]

BÔD ÜGHT the drink of Simian revolution!

[Lady Jag]

We definitely need more of those.

[Arrowhead1952]

Medicare Strikes again

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,

“Hello.”

“Mrs. Sanders, please.”

“Speaking.”

“Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband’s doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.”

“What do you mean?” Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

“Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer’s and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can’t tell which is which.”

“That’s dreadful! Can you do the test again?” asked Mrs. Sanders.

“Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.”

“Well, what am I supposed to do now?”

“The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don’t sleep with him.”

[Lady Jag]

[Lady Jag]

[Heartlander]

The Power of the Badge

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs......

"Your badge! Show him your BADGE!

[a fool in paradise]

[a fool in paradise]

[Darksheare]

The missus cat could be a basement kitty.
But he often suffers from “Smite!” from the sun.

[gimme1ibertee]

ROTFLMAO!!