~~~~ThE oFfIcIaL fRiDaY sIlLiNeSs ThReAd~~~~<

[Lucky9teen]

I got an email with some of the MOST outrageous footwear I have EVER seen. Even in my younger days there is no way I could ever...or would ever, wear the likes of these fashion statements. Some of them are funny. Some of them are silly. Some of them are horrendous.....and some of them look downright PAINFUL. No Thank You. I'd rather go barefoot! Check it out.....

I'd like to see her standing up and walking in those. I know it would be entertaining.


Great bridal shoe! Hope the groom is eight foot tall
Now I know I've got to get a pair of these. I'd feel like Mrs. Maxwell Smart.


There aren't enough words for this. Who the h@** wants to stand on a nail?


Did they borrow this idea from Transformers or Hannibal Lecter?


Now, I must confess. These might surprise us. They look springy.

You could pogo your way to where you're going.

Learning how to stop might take some experience once you get hopping.


You're really hoofin' it in these...


Do these require water and a mower?


I wonder if the lights work on these. You could see where you're walking in the dark.

That would be cool.


Now, I must confess. These are much prettier than the

big fluffy duck, bear, chicken, etc house shoes.


NO COMMENT


These are just silly.


Looks like something Michelle Obama would wear.


Flip flops of the Flopper for the flip flopper.


WHAT THE %&$^#*(@#()#() She didn't paint her toenails!


Is this so that if you have smelly feet, you can blame the shoes?


Now, this is one twisted cowpoke. At least I assume cowpoke (hairy legs).

Better shut up. don't want to get into trouble.


Be hard crossing your legs.


Oh yeah, I can see me slipping my feet into these ugly critters, can't you?  Geesh!!

[sunny48]

The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. My mother-in-law just tried to run me over! the shaken man told the cop.The car hit you from behind, the officer said. How could you tell it was your mother-in-law? I recognized her laugh!

[a fool in paradise]

If you just use some glue traps, you can do away with shoelaces altogether.

[sunny48]

MARK YOUR CALENDAR FOR NEXT SATURDAY!
As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked. He must commit suicide if he does. So next Saturday at 4 PM Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.

All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not Muslims, and to demonstrate they think its okay to see nude women other than their wife, and to show support for all American women. Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your anti-Muslim sentiment.

The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity. God bless America !

It is your patriotic duty to pass this on. If you don’t send this to at least 5 people you’re a terrorist sympathizing lily-livered coward and are in the position of posing as a national threat!!

[fredhead]

IRS Audit

The IRS sends an auditor (a nasty little man) to audit a synagogue.
The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and
says, “I noticed that you buy a lot of candles.”

“Yes,” answered the Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?” he asked.

“A good question,” noted the Rabbi. “We actually save them up. When
we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now
and then, they send us a free box of candles.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question
actually had a practical answer. So he thought he’d try another
question, in his obnoxious way...

“Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the
crumbs from the matzo?

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi calmly, “we actually collect up the
crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now
and then, they send a box of matzo balls.”

“Oh,” replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.

“Well, Rabbi,” he went on, “what do you do with all the foreskins from
the circumcisions?”

“Yes, here too, we do not waste,” answered the Rabbi. “What we do is
save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send
them to IRS.”

“To the IRS?” questioned the auditor in disbelief.

“Ah, yes,” replied the Rabbi, “directly to the IRS ... And about once
a year, they send us a little prick like you.”

[fredhead]

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa : half discovered, half wild,
fertile and naturally beautiful.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe : well developed and open to
trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain : very hot, relaxed, and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece : gently aging but still a
warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain : with a glorious and
all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel : has been through war,
doesn’t make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada : self-preserving, but open
to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet : wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past
and the wisdom of the ages, an adventurous spirit and a thirst for
spiritual knowledge.

GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN

Between 1 and 90, a man is like Iran , ruled by nuts.

THE END.

[Lucky9teen]

[a fool in paradise]

You Are Frogman Flippers

Why? Because it's Friday, dammit.

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

Posting HTML

[fredhead]

[Just A Reader]

LOL!!! I’ve got tears in my eyes! Love your warped humor. I wrote up a little quickie will before going on a day trip Wednesday, wrote the words “being of sound mind” and knew I had just invalidated the whole thing.

[Responsibility2nd]

This. Is. Priceless.

I’ve saved the Taser story.

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1881159/posts?page=60#60

I’m thinking the dude who wrote the taser story must be married to the chick who wrote this.

Again - Priceless!

[secret garden]

Xs, you have to see CJ’s post.

[Lucky9teen]

Although technically, he's not even fit to do that....

[sunny48]

Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad calls Rush Limbaugh and tells him, “Rush, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole country, and on each house I saw a banner.”

“What did it say on the banners?” Rush asks.

Mahmoud replies, “UNITED STATES OF IRAN.”

Rush says, “You know, Mahmoud, I am really happy you called, because believe it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous banner.”

“What did it say on the banners?” Mahmoud asks.

Rush replies, “I don’t know. I can’t read Hebrew.”

[Lucky9teen]

[sunny48]

Two cry babies

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6VNs1FBIaoQ

[CholeraJoe]

I should have pinged you two since your husbands are retail-challenged.

[Just A Reader]

Okay, between hair removal and tazer stories I have a headache from laughing so hard! I need to take an Excedrin and get back to trying to hang the TV on my bedroom wall.

[fredhead]

A lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and calmly said, “I would like to buy some Cyanide.”

The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need Cyanide?” The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have Mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband. That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw
both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”

[sunny48]

An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year. Upon her return,

Her Father cussed her. ‘Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand

What ye put yer old Mother thru?’

The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...’

‘Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!

You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’

‘OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious

fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings

certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the
sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside,

plus a membership to the country club.....(takes a breath).....and an

invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the

Riviera and....’

‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.

Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’

‘Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a

Protestant.. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.

[sunny48]

A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff’s Department is being interviewed.
The Sergeant doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted.”
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?”

“Great attitude,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”