An Irish daughter had not been home for over a year. Upon her return,
Her Father cussed her. ‘Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand
What ye put yer old Mother thru?’
The girl, crying, replied, ‘Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...’
‘Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner!
You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family.’
‘OK, Dad — as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious
fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings
certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the
sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside,
plus a membership to the country club.....(takes a breath).....and an
invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the
Riviera and....’
‘Now what was it ye said ye had become?’ says Dad.
Girl, crying again, ‘Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Daddy! Sniff, sniff.’
‘Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a
Protestant.. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug.
A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff’s Department is being interviewed.
The Sergeant doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted.”
Then, sliding a service pistol across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”
“Why the rabbit?”
“Great attitude,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”