Posted on 06/18/2009 9:30:34 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
Dear Fellow FReepers, moral clarity needed.
My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home.
Twice now I have woken up to find them both sleeping in his bed.
I don't like it, but my wife doesn't have a huge problem with it, since they have been dating almost a year. However, she says she will back me up on it.
Am I being reasonable? I am planning on nipping it in the bud tonight, but just wanted to run it by my fellow FReepers.
Thank you.
I agree with you. I know that I’m right on this one, but I was surprised by my wife’s cavilier attitude towards it.
I was starting to have some doubts myself.
He's an adult. Treat him like one. He's not a baby.
You have a problem with his behavior, then say so to him. It is your home, not his. Your wife will back you up, then all the better to speak up.
If he wants to have his girlfriend sleeping with him, he needs to get his own home. Period.
And besides, there is that unwanted pregnancy to think about...you don't want that on your conscience if it happened under your own roof!
Get clear in your own head about it, I’d say. And then lay down the law.
I think fornication (sexual intercourse outside the bonds of matrimony) is a sin, and sin not only effects the sinner but those around him.
I think you have the right as head of the household to say that it ought not to happen in your house.
My personal one is: My house, my values. If your old enough to take on the responsibility of sleeping together and risking a baby, you are old enough to pay for your own place.
He is just using her, and someone needs to show her some respect. It will be me
Wow. Thats messed up. I can see where this could get really bad. You need to shape up your son. Army? Navy?
Maybe if it comes up you can tell him, casually, that if he was not your son that you would not really want to know him. Something like that.
Wait a second. I know people get mellow with age but your wife is OKAY with him using this girl that way?? I guess she thinks its none of her business?
Somebody call Maury!! /kidding
This sounds like a delicate situation. Very delicate.
I would say you have some very serious thinking to do here. Do you want to let him live there and maybe someday get a job on his own time. Does he care about working? Or do you think its time for him to meet the real world? Cuz that could mean kicking him out. There might be a middle way if he agrees he needs a job and an apartment somewhere, you could help him financially, if he is working then.
But you have to decide if you want to handle a bit of yelling and maybe not hear from him for a while. I would guess your wife would be very unhappy if 'you caused' a spat over this?
Man oh man. Its so easy for others to say kick him out, its much harder when others are involved.
How does what I said “insult the guys family”?
His son KNEW that his Dad did not want him having “guests” over for the Tijuana Tango, but the jerk did it anyway! The only “squish factor” in the equation is the Mom who wants to have her little boy around as long as possible, and KEEP him a little boy!
Time for college boy to go out on his own and make a LIFE.
I wouldn’t allow it. I don’t know your personal beliefs, but there is “right” and there is “wrong” and those boundaries are spelled out in great detail in the Good Book. There are absolutes and things aren’t “relative” to what you would like to believe...they are just so. If I choose to “believe” that abortion is ok under certain circumstances...my “belief” doesn’t make it “truth.” My belief or lack of moral convictions doesn’t nullify the truth. Murder is murder, whether it’s the murder of a human being in development in the womb, or a 32-year old man/woman.
The same is true with the laws handed down from God through Jesus Christ and his Apostles and subsequently His Disciples. Intimate relations between unmarried persons, however “committed” to each other, is an abomination. That is one of the “sins of the flesh” for which we can become eternally damned if we do not repent.
I know, sounds extreme, and it is in this day and age - but that doesn’t negate its truth.
So, I wouldn’t allow it, however upset, verbally abusive, or estranged they may become because of it. You, as a parent, must lead by example and by conviction. Otherwise, you have failed your duty as a father with whom God has placed his charges for safekeeping.
Just my two cents.
Just make it very clear you too have rights, and if you wish to walk around the house wearing only thongs, so be it.
Sounds like you've already made up your mind, then -- why bother asking us?
FWIW, I agree with the concept that you're likely to be pushing: no girls sleeping in his bed while he's in it too....
As a practical matter, you probably know you're going to have to deal with the unpleasant responses from both your son and your wife (no matter what she's telling you now).
It's not about whether or not it is his son - he is not telling them they cannot have sex. It is his HOUSE, and he has the right to set the house rules - the stepson can either comply or leave.
Your house, your rules. If he wants to play sleepover, he can get his own place.
Good point.
Feminism is the best thing that ever happened to horny men.
My home was 'out of bounds' for that game.
Call me old fashioned, but....
Nam Vet
Thats right, but some people don't feel right about making their children angry at them. Especially when Mom is okay with it.
Good luck with that. Went through the same myself. Bottom line in dealing with my boy: Man enough to engage in that activity? Man enough to buy your own condoms, get a “big boy” bed, and your own place to use them. Also just two more words that opened his eyes real wide: “Child support.” Not coming out of my wallet, kid.
After they marry...yes.
You are right, and I was not insulted.
And no, I wouldn't allow it either and I'm only 37. If your son wants a sleepover partner tell him to get his own place.
I’m so glad that my kids have jobs, don’t do drugs and have never been arrested that I’m not concerned about them sleeping with a steady. That puts them way up over me at their ages.
i only meant that calling his step-son a parasite and referring to the girl he chooses to spend time with as a whore (in not so many words) insults them. i can only assume from this post that the poster actually does like the kid and that is why he is showing trepidation in putting his foot down in this instance.
the rest i agree with. time to get a job and move out. or at least start paying rent and then you can do the bouncy-bounce in your own quarters.
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