Posted on 06/18/2009 9:30:34 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
Dear Fellow FReepers, moral clarity needed.
My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home.
Twice now I have woken up to find them both sleeping in his bed.
I don't like it, but my wife doesn't have a huge problem with it, since they have been dating almost a year. However, she says she will back me up on it.
Am I being reasonable? I am planning on nipping it in the bud tonight, but just wanted to run it by my fellow FReepers.
Thank you.
If you are a Christian then it is tearing a huge hole in your witness.
While I personally do have a problem with it in my home, it’s your house, and your rules.
Age wise he is an adult, but not life wise. He lives off of us.
Your house, your rules. I was going to make a smart-azz answer that you should demand that she sleep with you first, but better not. She might just call yer bluff. ;-)
Yes.
Give them he tool shed, then it can be the love shack
Never let or allow anyone to make you uncomfortable in your own home, trust your gut.
That should have been “when my dad’s mother”... (should have proof read better).
Your house, your rules, regardless of age.
But, I will offer one caution: if you make him choose between your rules or moving out, he may take the latter.
And, you may never see him again. Be sure that's acceptable before you go there.
I think it shows a lack of respect on his part.
Added benefit: it gives him an incentive to get a job that pays enough to get his own place. If you make it too convenient for him, he'll be there forever.
she is very smart, but he isn’t going to marry her, which is a big reason why I’m against it.
He is just using her, and someone needs to show her some respect. It will be me.
“My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home” WHY!
no and no
My 26 year old son and his girlfriend are expecting a child next month. They do not live with us, but my wife has made it abundantly clear that when they come visit, they will NOT sleep in the same bed unless they are married. We still have a 6-year old at home, and she wants him to know while we love them, we don’t condone them sleeping together while not married. I completely agree with her...
Legally an adult. College graduate, likely a fairly responsible young adult (commend your wife for raising a son who is accomplished). Long term plans to live with you?
Mom's usually like making their place a welcoming place for their children. Telling him he can't do what he would do at “home” makes her home not his home not at her insistence but at yours, even if she will “back you up on it”.
Not a battle line I would draw.
But if he had long term plans to live with you and you didn't like his plans, I could see where insisting that he cannot have overnight female guests would make him change his plans; which might be a good thing from your perspective.
If his plans include getting a job and moving out ASAP already, then letting him make himself “at home” for a couple months might be in your long term best interests.
Just my 0.02$
Your house
Your rules
Be a parent
Your job as a parent is not to be “liked” but to instill values in the children you raise to enable them to face the world around them. A discussion with the boy is appropriate - he is old enough to be talked ‘with’ not ‘at’ - be calm, firm, and go into the talk prepared to justify your moral position on the matter.
Also, be prepared for the consequences - which may mean hard feelings and/or the boy moving out. And be darned sure that your wife really means it when she says she will ‘back’ your play.
Tell them no. That way you get to feel morally upright, and they get to have the joy of tearing off a piece on the sly. Everyone wins.
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