Age wise he is an adult, but not life wise. He lives off of us.
Ouch.
Definitely your rules then. At least charge him rent, that way it becomes his “apartment”. Would that help you, at least a little, morally?
but i'll tell you this: they will still do what they will do. they'll just make sure to be in separate beds by the time the rest of the house wakes up.
Unless he is paying rent, it’s your house, your space, your rules.
You might point out to the girfriend that the last thing she wants is to be pregnant and living with a guy who’s not yet ready to leave the nest.
Age wise he is an adult, but not life wise. He lives off of us.
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There’s more here than meets the eye. Sounds as if he will be long-term dependent? If so, build a separate residence above the detached garage, make him pay some rent, and let him live as he wishes.
Our jobs as parents are to teach independence. I had this same dilemma when my son returned home after his first marriage broke up.
Since his reasons for staying with me included getting back out on his own, I saw that by allowing too many ‘conveniences’ at home as a block to his independence. He quickly became motivated to seek better employment AND alternative living quarters when the desire for a sleepover with girlfriend was denied at home.
He lives off of us.
This is compounding the problem behavior. You are allowing his to remain a child by not requiring any responsibility. You, your wife and your son need to accept the fact that he is an adult. He needs to pay his own way and if he wants a relationship that is against your standards than he needs to provide his own roof under which he can do as he pleases.
Good luck and stay strong. Saying no to someone you love is a hard thing to do.
And the baby would be paid for by...you?