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Vanity - Should I allow my 22 year-old stepson have his girlfriend sleepover?

Posted on 06/18/2009 9:30:34 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound

Dear Fellow FReepers, moral clarity needed.

My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home.

Twice now I have woken up to find them both sleeping in his bed.

I don't like it, but my wife doesn't have a huge problem with it, since they have been dating almost a year. However, she says she will back me up on it.

Am I being reasonable? I am planning on nipping it in the bud tonight, but just wanted to run it by my fellow FReepers.

Thank you.


TOPICS: Chit/Chat; Miscellaneous; Religion; Society
KEYWORDS: moralabsolutes
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To: Retired Greyhound
I believe the girl’s mom is ok with it. So I am going to suggest they start sleeping together there.

That's a bad idea! It shows that you don't have a moral problem with this at all and looks like you just don't want them around.

I thought your point was that you didn't want them sleeping together until they are married. To allow him to "use" her as long as it's under someone else's roof is hypocritical and pointless. Is she under 21? You could be charged as contributing to the deliquency of a minot (her).

221 posted on 06/19/2009 9:32:19 AM PDT by afraidfortherepublic
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To: afraidfortherepublic

Don’t get hysterical. I do have a moral problem with them sleeping together. But my morals are not theirs. I can only control my house.

I was anticipating the “her mom lets us stay there” retort, to which I would let him know that he will have to do it there then, because he can’t do it here. That’s all. He knows where I stand morally.

Of course I would not “allow” him to use her. That is the point I made to him. But they have free will. I can’t control them.

By the way, the age of consent is 18, not 21. She is in her 20’s, so that’s no issue. And I seriously doubt I could be charged with anything, anyway. I’ve done nothing wrong, and I’m not allowing the hanky panky under my roof. What they do under someone else’s roof is out of my hands. Trying to stop THAT could get me charged with something.


222 posted on 06/19/2009 10:26:38 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
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To: afraidfortherepublic

It’s simple. If you rent a space, any space, you do with it what you want as long as it doesn’t run afoul of the rental agreement. Unless the rental agreement specifically states no sleepovers, he is allowed to do with his space as he wants. That’s why. Not that I agree with the situation.


223 posted on 06/19/2009 11:25:31 AM PDT by irishtenor (Beer. God's way of making sure the Irish don't take over the world.)
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To: Retired Greyhound

Still a legal adult. But like I said. Your house, your rules. They need to either love it or leave. At any rate I wish you the best with this problem. I have 4 kids aged from 16 (almost 17) to 5 and even some days when I think I’m doing everything right I get to watch the wheels come off.


224 posted on 06/20/2009 12:42:25 AM PDT by CougarGA7 (I knew that Whopper was angry, but I didn't think it would try to kill me!)
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To: Retired Greyhound

Sure, if he is paying rent. Otherwise, if it makes you uncomfortable, then say no, your house your rules.

Paying rent might sound like something silly, but in reality if he is paying for and earning his space, he has a reasonable expectation to be able to do what he wants within reason.

Thats my take on it anyway.


225 posted on 06/20/2009 12:45:27 AM PDT by Danae (Amerikan Unity My Ass)
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To: cajungirl

Shades of the prodigal son - IMHO, it will occur to him that he owes far more to his parents, than they do to him. Likewise, what they can give him far outstrips what he can give them. Just because they have graduated doesn’t mean they have nothing left to learn...


226 posted on 06/21/2009 6:39:03 AM PDT by bt_dooftlook (John Adams: Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate)
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To: netmilsmom

babies of 14 year old unwed mothers should be put up for adoption.

I’m with you on that one.


227 posted on 06/25/2009 12:24:47 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: Carley

Only if he’s not the head of his own house. Geez, it’s not too late to say “this has made me uncomfortable and I can’t put up with it anymore”


228 posted on 06/25/2009 12:26:15 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: Retired Greyhound

I truly don’t mean any offense, but your wife’s and your values are not in tune Sir.


229 posted on 06/25/2009 12:32:06 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: LongElegantLegs

No, the last thing she wants is to be pregnant and not living with the guy because he’s not ready to leave the nest!


230 posted on 06/25/2009 12:33:34 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: Shimmer1

>>I’m with you on that one.<<

Thank you!


231 posted on 06/25/2009 12:33:38 PM PDT by netmilsmom (Psalm 109:8 - Let his days be few; and let another take his office)
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To: SamAdams76; Retired Greyhound

Only if you’ve set a sleazy low bar of behavior. My kids would never disrespect me this way! Apparently RG has some decency in him.


232 posted on 06/25/2009 12:38:54 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: Bluegrass Conservative

That is true, but what is also true is “avoid the appearance of evil”


233 posted on 06/25/2009 12:43:26 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: Shimmer1

I admit, I am surprised by her on this one. Ordinarily our values are in line. I just think her judgement is being clouded by the fact that he is her son and she wants him around. When I lay the whole case out for her, she certainly sees my point.


234 posted on 06/25/2009 12:44:29 PM PDT by Retired Greyhound
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To: Hawk1976

If son doesn’t even support himself, then what’s wrong with enforcing the rules of RG’s own home??


235 posted on 06/25/2009 12:49:13 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: Retired Greyhound

I’m glad of that, but tell her to wake up, babying him won’t make him a man.


236 posted on 06/25/2009 12:54:24 PM PDT by Shimmer1 ( Navy blue)
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To: Retired Greyhound
Just make it uncomfortable for them to enjoy themselves at your home. Set off the fire alarm & wake them both up very early :) Act nutty and quote scripture during breakfast, lunch and dinner.

You can blast the TV all night long and act like you are deaf.. Hog the bathroom..

You get the idea.

237 posted on 06/25/2009 12:58:57 PM PDT by spectre (Spectre's wife ) (Who will lead us?)
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To: spectre

Good advice.


238 posted on 06/25/2009 1:02:13 PM PDT by Retired Greyhound
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To: allmendream
then letting him make himself “at home” for a couple months might be in your long term best interests.

but the son may realize that things are just too cozy to leave, and those couple of months can turn into a couple of years... it's the man's house... he's the one who should be comfortable in it...

239 posted on 06/25/2009 1:06:10 PM PDT by latina4dubya ( self-proclaimed tequila snob)
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To: latina4dubya
You abridged my comment. The first part of the sentence was roughly ‘If he appears to be motivated to move out ASAP....................then letting him make himself “at home” for a couple months might be in your long term best interests.’

And it is also his wife's house. Women usually like their children to feel welcome in their home.

The poster didn't suggest that the stepson living there was a major problem, just him having overnight female guests. And a recent college graduate is not just some bum living with his mom for too long. No doubt he intends of starting his own life.

Although as I ALSO pointed out, if it looks like he might want to overstay his welcome, and his wife is backing him on the “no female overnight guests”; that would definitely “light a fire under his a$$” as far as motivating him to move out on his own.

240 posted on 06/25/2009 1:12:36 PM PDT by allmendream ("Wealth is EARNED not distributed, so how could it be redistributed?")
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