Posted on 06/18/2009 9:30:34 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
Dear Fellow FReepers, moral clarity needed.
My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home.
Twice now I have woken up to find them both sleeping in his bed.
I don't like it, but my wife doesn't have a huge problem with it, since they have been dating almost a year. However, she says she will back me up on it.
Am I being reasonable? I am planning on nipping it in the bud tonight, but just wanted to run it by my fellow FReepers.
Thank you.
That's a bad idea! It shows that you don't have a moral problem with this at all and looks like you just don't want them around.
I thought your point was that you didn't want them sleeping together until they are married. To allow him to "use" her as long as it's under someone else's roof is hypocritical and pointless. Is she under 21? You could be charged as contributing to the deliquency of a minot (her).
Don’t get hysterical. I do have a moral problem with them sleeping together. But my morals are not theirs. I can only control my house.
I was anticipating the “her mom lets us stay there” retort, to which I would let him know that he will have to do it there then, because he can’t do it here. That’s all. He knows where I stand morally.
Of course I would not “allow” him to use her. That is the point I made to him. But they have free will. I can’t control them.
By the way, the age of consent is 18, not 21. She is in her 20’s, so that’s no issue. And I seriously doubt I could be charged with anything, anyway. I’ve done nothing wrong, and I’m not allowing the hanky panky under my roof. What they do under someone else’s roof is out of my hands. Trying to stop THAT could get me charged with something.
It’s simple. If you rent a space, any space, you do with it what you want as long as it doesn’t run afoul of the rental agreement. Unless the rental agreement specifically states no sleepovers, he is allowed to do with his space as he wants. That’s why. Not that I agree with the situation.
Still a legal adult. But like I said. Your house, your rules. They need to either love it or leave. At any rate I wish you the best with this problem. I have 4 kids aged from 16 (almost 17) to 5 and even some days when I think I’m doing everything right I get to watch the wheels come off.
Sure, if he is paying rent. Otherwise, if it makes you uncomfortable, then say no, your house your rules.
Paying rent might sound like something silly, but in reality if he is paying for and earning his space, he has a reasonable expectation to be able to do what he wants within reason.
Thats my take on it anyway.
Shades of the prodigal son - IMHO, it will occur to him that he owes far more to his parents, than they do to him. Likewise, what they can give him far outstrips what he can give them. Just because they have graduated doesn’t mean they have nothing left to learn...
babies of 14 year old unwed mothers should be put up for adoption.
I’m with you on that one.
Only if he’s not the head of his own house. Geez, it’s not too late to say “this has made me uncomfortable and I can’t put up with it anymore”
I truly don’t mean any offense, but your wife’s and your values are not in tune Sir.
No, the last thing she wants is to be pregnant and not living with the guy because he’s not ready to leave the nest!
>>I’m with you on that one.<<
Thank you!
Only if you’ve set a sleazy low bar of behavior. My kids would never disrespect me this way! Apparently RG has some decency in him.
That is true, but what is also true is “avoid the appearance of evil”
I admit, I am surprised by her on this one. Ordinarily our values are in line. I just think her judgement is being clouded by the fact that he is her son and she wants him around. When I lay the whole case out for her, she certainly sees my point.
If son doesn’t even support himself, then what’s wrong with enforcing the rules of RG’s own home??
I’m glad of that, but tell her to wake up, babying him won’t make him a man.
You can blast the TV all night long and act like you are deaf.. Hog the bathroom..
You get the idea.
Good advice.
but the son may realize that things are just too cozy to leave, and those couple of months can turn into a couple of years... it's the man's house... he's the one who should be comfortable in it...
And it is also his wife's house. Women usually like their children to feel welcome in their home.
The poster didn't suggest that the stepson living there was a major problem, just him having overnight female guests. And a recent college graduate is not just some bum living with his mom for too long. No doubt he intends of starting his own life.
Although as I ALSO pointed out, if it looks like he might want to overstay his welcome, and his wife is backing him on the “no female overnight guests”; that would definitely “light a fire under his a$$” as far as motivating him to move out on his own.
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