Posted on 06/18/2009 9:30:34 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
Dear Fellow FReepers, moral clarity needed.
My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home.
Twice now I have woken up to find them both sleeping in his bed.
I don't like it, but my wife doesn't have a huge problem with it, since they have been dating almost a year. However, she says she will back me up on it.
Am I being reasonable? I am planning on nipping it in the bud tonight, but just wanted to run it by my fellow FReepers.
Thank you.
If you personally have loose morals and have taught your son this kind of thing is alright then it should be a fine thing to do. But if you believe it’s wrong and have taught your children to respect you and your house then no, it’s a bad idea.
The problem is not, of course with the “sleeping”. It’s with the appearance of impropriety. If you’re a Bible believer then the Word says we should avoid even the very appearance of evil (sin). If not, then you have to do what is in your best conscience.
Just my little 2 cents.
I feel really stupid... I didn’t catch it all.
The fact that you’ve caught them twice tells me the problem is much larger. Letting her sleep over now with your knowledge would be disrespectful to your son, your wife and your sons’ girlfriend and none of them will have a proper example to follow.
I think because our wives are adult we forget that we have to be examples to them also. Just say NO!
Your son is twenty two years old and has been living as he sees fit for the last four years, assuming your were not hovering over his shoulder during his college career. It is unfair to either of you to expect him/them to live by your rules when he has lived as adult the last four years.
The best thing you can probably do for yourself and your son is to give hime thirty days to move out. That way, neither of you are put into an uncomfortable postion.
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You are right to insist that in your house they abide by your rules. And the rule of having them sleep in separate rooms is a good one until they are married.
Let’s try and encourage marriage.
I’ll go with all the others and say “Your house ... your rules.”
Before my husband and I got married we would visit his parents a lot and we never stayed in the same room. I knew his parents didn’t like it, so I respected their wishes and now that we are married we stay in the same room.
Excellent plan.
not in my house!
If his girlfriend was sleeping in a separate room that would be one thing. But since she somehow ends up in bed with him in the morning, you can pretty much bet on some hanky panky going on.
If you allow that to go on unchecked, you are basically condoning their actions. It's your house, and you have a say on what goes on in it. What your stepson decides to do on his own is his problem. When he brings it home to your house it becomes yours.
I don't mean to sound harsh, but you have every right to say something about it. You may not be loved for your opinion, but you should at least be respected for your beliefs.
I would broach the topic with your son in law with charity, and a touch of “knock it off”.
I have the same situation CA Conservative and feel identical. .... as for me and my house!No!
I meant to say stepson not son in law.
I have three little girls, and one of them is only 10 months old.
So my brain is a little hazy lately.
My bad.
No.
Not necessarily. When one of my sons was younger, we had a similar issue. He got mad and moved in with her and her mother (the mother was a real piece of work - the girl completely ran that house!) Within 3 months, he was coming over every Sunday for dinner (without the girlfriend). Within 6 months, he was begging to come home. Now, almost 4 years later, he thanks me for taking the stand I did - it helped him to see who she really was and what a mistake he was making.
He’s a 22 year-old college graduate. My brother lived with my parents until he was 26, but he didn’t grow up until he moved out. My parents allowed his girlfriend (eventual wife, now ex-wife) to live with him for a year. It started out as a temporary thing, but it turned into a long-term disaster. My parents (in your shoes) suffered because they tried to be kind. There is a difference between being kind, and being wise. Be wise.
If I was in your shoes (and I’m glad I’m not!), I would give your son a move-out date. No more than 2-months out. I know it’s a tough job market, but there’s entry-level work available, and the cream rises to the top. He’ll be on his feet in no time. Apartments are available for minimum wage earners, which I doubt he will be at 22, with a degree.
Enabling him to stay in your house is a recipe for disaster. His full-time job should be searching for a full-time job. Bringing his lust interest into the house won’t help with that. He can commence humping activities under his own roof. Your house is your castle. Just my 2-cents.
When our adult son was getting out of the service, and was going to be returning home, we talked about it ahead of time. I told him I realized he was his own man but, if he was planning on living at home afterward, then ‘house rules’ apply. That means no girls overnight. Our house. Our rules. He was ok with that and respected it. He was home several months and now has his own place. What he does is his own business now.
I agree completely.
When my 52 year old sister brought her 60 year old boyfriend down to visit, she didn’t even ask. She took the guest room, and she put him on the couch. In my house, if you’re not married, then you don’t sleep together.
She knows me too well! LOL!!
NO!
Like mother, like son?
What does rent have to do with it? Unless the gf is homeless, she doesn’t belong there at all. If she’s homeless, she still belongs in her own room with the door locked and WITHOUT company, and she can pay rent when she’s able.
Sign me: Mom of 4; grandmom of 10
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