Posted on 06/18/2009 9:30:34 AM PDT by Retired Greyhound
Dear Fellow FReepers, moral clarity needed.
My stepson just graduated from college and has moved back home.
Twice now I have woken up to find them both sleeping in his bed.
I don't like it, but my wife doesn't have a huge problem with it, since they have been dating almost a year. However, she says she will back me up on it.
Am I being reasonable? I am planning on nipping it in the bud tonight, but just wanted to run it by my fellow FReepers.
Thank you.
In your house you set the rules.
I would not tolerate this behavior at all. Your son created an "unhealthy" situation for all of you. I would tell my son that my house is not a brothel so the choice is his: respect your rule or move out.
Also, I would ask his girlfriend what her parents are saying about she sleeping over your place with your son? Her answer will give you a lot of information about her family and herself.
People should not make assumptions that are not based upon fact.
I believe the girl’s mom is ok with it. So I am going to suggest they start sleeping together there.
I must respectfully but strongly disagree.
Either you have standards for behavior in your home or you don't.
Doing what works best for me for the moment is precisely the sort of morality of convenience that has our nation on the brink.
He lives off of us.
This is compounding the problem behavior. You are allowing his to remain a child by not requiring any responsibility. You, your wife and your son need to accept the fact that he is an adult. He needs to pay his own way and if he wants a relationship that is against your standards than he needs to provide his own roof under which he can do as he pleases.
Good luck and stay strong. Saying no to someone you love is a hard thing to do.
Look he’s an adult and because of that I personally do not have an issue with it, but first and foremost that is YOUR house and those who are in it should respect YOUR rules.
If you are uncomfortable with it then you need to put a stop to it. They can sleep together at her place.
RG is entitled to whatever he wants. But, if the stepson decides to rebel, it has the potential to become an issue between RG and his wife, her assurances not withstanding.
It if gets to that point, it doesn't matter who is right or who is wrong: everyone loses. And the fallout can spread far beyond the original people involved.
(Been there, done that, got the T-shirt)
Ask him to leave the door open so you can watch.
He will think your weird and not want to do it in the house anymore.
Problem resolved.
I am aware of the danger. I don’t know if he will take it that far...but I will.
I have to do what is right.
You have respect for your parents, evidently this boy and his girlfriend do not.
Good for you.
As I said, one doesn’t want to give the IMPRESSION of impropriety. Otherwise you will end up being questioned (or assumed or suspected) for everything you do.
No, you don't want to do that. Otherwise, you'll be condoning it. Just tell your son (not her) that the arrangement isn't working. Let him find his own arrangement, without your condoning anything.
I don’t condone it. They know that. But I won’t tell them they can’t do it there. They can do whatever they want.
But I see your point.
He’s actually not an adult.
He may be 22, but he is not self supporting.
Good luck with this. Be a father — not a “buddy”. I think you're on the right track.
How else does someone know they are a Christian when they are put in situations like this? Years ago when my daughter was in college her boyfriend use to come by and visit for the weekend he was told he was to sleep on the couch. No matter how old are children are we must first be a witness to the Lord’s Gospel for them.
That isn’t what I was saying. I’m saying that the guy has to deal with a stepkid more carefully than his own. Try to give the kid something to think about - negative alternatives and such, so that he acts in his own (and the gal’s) better interest.
And, given that someone reminded me the ‘kid’ is 22, I’d probably lay the law down harder and say if you want to play house, you need to get your own.
You are the man of the house........
Just wanted to let you all know that I spoke with him and politely told him that we are not comfortable with the girlfriend sleeping over.
He was accepting, though I’m sure not happy about it. Oh well.
She is welcome to hang out at the house, but at some point, has to go home.
Thank you all for your support.
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