" So, Mr. Tipton, how could it take you 5 minutes to cook your grits when it takes the entire grit eating world 20 minutes? " -- My Cousin Vinnie.
Posted on 11/20/2008 7:46:23 AM PST by Gopher Broke
Things never said by Southerners
40. Oh, I just couldn't. Hell, she's only sixteen.
39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.
38. Duct tape won't fix that.
37. Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.
36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.
35. We don't keep firearms in this house.
34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?
33. You can't feed that to the dog.
32. I thought Graceland was tacky.
31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.
30. Wrasslin's fake.
29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?
28. We're vegetarians.
27. Do you think my gut is too big?
26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.
25. Honey, we don't need another dog.
24. Who's Richard Petty?
23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.
22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.
21. Spittin is such a nasty habit.
20. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.
19. Trim the fat off that steak.
18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.
17. The tires on that truck are too big.
16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.
15. I've got it all on the C drive.
14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.
13. Would you like your salmon poached or broiled?
12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.
11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.
10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.
09. Checkmate.
08. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.
07. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?
06. Hey, here's an episode of 'Hee Haw' that we haven't aeen.
05. I don't have a favorite college team.
04. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.
03. I believe you cooked those green beans too long.
02. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.
01. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight
The sugar and tea thing is very true. I lived in Texas for two years, and couldn’t BELIEVE the amount of sugar was poured into a pitcher of iced tea.
One of the worse fights I got into with my ex was over her allowing our 12 year old daughter wear a bikini.
all true laugh for the day
“So I did” and “What I did” are those peoples’ way of talking like Billy Bob Thornton’s “Carl”. mmm mmm
Um, OK dude. And yes, I know what a proctologist is.
I agree. The world would be a much better place if there had been no United States to play the decisive role in the defeat of German militarism, fascism and communism.
If we were really lucky, one of those ideologies would have conquered the world, including North America.
There. Fixed it.
41. Grits with a martini? Surely you jest.
Without that idiot Wilson, the Europeans would have cured themselves of militarism a generation sooner. Western Europe was perfectly capable of standing up to the Soviet Union. Let Japan and China fight over the western Pacific without us.
I agree, on balance, the U.S. has certainly been a force for good in the world. Without worldwide military commitments, we could be more like Canada, smug, wealthy and secure.
No, I WON'T admit that we have the highest rates of crime and divorce in our part of the country!
(Backs slowly away...) ;-)
Why is Canada secure?
Because they know perfectly well Uncle will protect them.
If we attempted the same disarmament and pacifism, who would protect us?
Wrong, it was southern traitors who fired on AMERICAN SOLDIERS at Fort Sumter.
Ping.
“You ain’t gonna FRY that, are you?”
Oh, Happy Day!!! Another sore-headed Damyankee, screwing up a fun thread and trying to start the War of Northern Aggression all over again.
OK, Hotshot, tell us all about that Yankee president and how he trashed the Constitution to a point from which it has yet to recover, followed up that Fort Sumter incident -- which had resulted in zero deaths on either side -- with a bloodletting that left 600,000 dead, and God alone knows how many wounded and crippled; and which still has you government- school "students" whining about it. And don't forget that masterful piece of phony propaganda he issued called The Emancipation Proclamation.
And while you're at it, why don't you tell us why those "AMERICAN SOLDIERS" at Fort Sumter were fired upon?
“Wrong, it was southern traitors who fired on AMERICAN SOLDIERS at Fort Sumter.”
Well, since Fort Sumpter was in Chaleston Harbor, which was in South Carolina; and South Carolina had seceded; and Fort Sumpter had refused repeated requests to abandon the fort, even though all its complememnt was offered safe passage (even during the bombardment there were no Yankee casualies); the garrison at Charlotte was fully within its rights to shell the fort. And, where was the Southern invasion of the North? No executive order from the Confederacy called for an invasion of the North, yet Lincoln called for an armed invasion of the Confederacy almost from the first secession. If anyone was a traitor it was Lincoln, who abrogated the Constitution shortly after he attained the presidency.
“Tell you what, Gatlinburg’s ain’t half as interesting than this here tropical rainforest exhibit in Epcot”
“We ain’t never said “yes ma’am’ and ‘no sir’ and we don’t take too kindly to strangers showing manners and such.”
“I HATE RC AND MOONPIES!”
“I do believe your northern Republican is more conservative than our southern Democrat. And he got more churchin in him too.”
“I’ll have the Cream o’ Wheat instead of grits”.................
HA! My absolute all time favorite comedy. It was on TV yesterday but alas, I couldn’t watch it without the multitude of expletives. It’s just not the same.
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