Official Friday Silliness Thread Salutes Business, Advertising, and The Boss

Intriguing.com ^ | August 4, 2006 | Sully777

[sully777]

Adrian Wapcaplet (W): Aah, come in, come in, Mr....Simpson. Aaah, welcome to Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver, Vendetta and Prang!
Mr. Simpson (S): Thank you.
Mr. Wapcaplet: Do sit down--my name's Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet...
Simpson: how'd'y'do.
Wapcaplet: Now, Mr. Simpson... Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?
S: No.
W: Aah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.
S: String.
W: String, washing powder, what's the difference. We can sell *anything*.
S: Good. Well I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand *miles* of it to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it...
W: Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.
S: Ah, but there's a snag, you see. Due to bad planning, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three inch lengths. So it's not very useful.
W: Well, that's our selling point! "SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL STRINGETTES!"
S: What?
W: "THE NOW STRING! READY CUT, EASY TO HANDLE, SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES - JUST THE RIGHT LENGTH!"
S: For what?
W: "A MILLION HOUSEHOLD USES!"
S: Such as?
W: Uhmm...Tying up very small parcels, attatching notes to pigeons' legs, uh, destroying household pests...
S: Destroying household pests?! How?
W: Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller than, you flog them to death with it!
S: Well *surely*!....
W: "DESTROY NINETY-NINE PERCENT OF KNOWN HOUSEHOLD PESTS WITH PRE-SLICED, RUSTPROOF, EASY-TO-HANDLE, LOW CALORIE SIMPSON'S INDIVIDUAL EMPEROR STRINGETTES, FREE FROM ARTIFICIAL COLORING, AS USED IN HOSPITALS!" (Click Source-link for conclusion )

[nuke rocketeer]

[faq]

[nuke rocketeer]

[PBRSTREETGANG]

[martin_fierro]

Actually trying to stay on-topic today:

A DAY OFF????

SO YOU WANT THE DAY OFF. Let's take a look at what you're asking for.

There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work.

Since you spend 16 hours each day away from work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available.

You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks, which accounts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available for work.

With a one-hour lunch period each day, you have used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work.

You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. That leaves you only 20 days available for work.

We are off for 5 holidays for year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.

We generously give you 14 days' vacation per year which leaves only ONE day left, and DAMNED if you can take it off!!

[CJ Wolf]

[Sax]

Check out the guy's slick slidelong glace - keepin' an eye on things!

[PBRSTREETGANG]

[Titan Magroyne]

Happy Friday!

Announcing a New Diet, sent to me via email:

I have a Miniature Doberman and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog (?).

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd been poisoned. I told her no; I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me. I thought the tall guy was going to need help as he staggered to the door laughing so hard he couldn't breathe.

[PBRSTREETGANG]

[fredhead]

Early in my Navy career, I had a Chief Petty Officer tell me:
"You're in the Navy 24/7. You have none of your own time. Any time for personal business is the time the Navy is generous enough to grant to you. Don't ask for liberty."

This same Chief, when told by another sailor that the sailor had to take his wife to the doctor, replied:
"Did they issue that wife in your seabag?"

[fredhead]

[raccoonradio]

('RAT) Politicians Are Like A Diaper: They should be changed often...and often for the same reason.

[BJClinton]

You are driving in a car at a constant speed.
On your right side is a valley and on your left side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.
In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it.
Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.
Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

* Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. *

[CJ Wolf]

Ok maybe not any pic with hasselholf

[sully777]

Good morning. I'm running on three hours sleep. How's everyone's Friday? Is it silly? Is it grim? Whatever it is...always look on the bright side of life (whistle)

[fredhead]

Could be worse.

(Posted last Wednesday)

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.

Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia.

His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.

But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.

He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half.


http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1676319/posts

[sully777]

Click here for Youtube's Hahn Beer commerical: How men screw up romance


Commercial brought to by Hahn Beer

[sully777]

I read that one. I laughed at the rate of shrinkage.

[sully777]

TV BOSS DEATH MATCH
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