Official Silliness Thread Salutes The World of Odd Humor

Ive told this story before, but you might enjoy it...

I once was not the fine FReeper you see before you. Biker Chick of some reknown, rode with the Vagos and the Angels some. President of Road Kill Chili who worked the Angel's toys for tots at the Rose Bowl. Our motto was "It's dead? Throw it in the pot". Also worked in the drywall field in Southern California, and I had a friend whose name was Harold. In fact, he was on my crew. I was the foreman.

We called him "Weird Harold" because he was ... well, even by BIKER standards, pretty darn weird. I've actually seen him fly across the bar hanging from a bar lamp, stab himself in the hand on a bet, and knock down all the framing on the inside of a house he was drywalling because it was out of plumb (crooked). He did many many many more much much much weirder things, but those are the G rated ones.

Well, I'm with a pack of bikers going up to Tahoe via Sacramento on my sportster one summer. We pulled into a dumpy motel outside of Sacramento and rented a room. Next to the motel was a fleabag circus that had definitely seen better days. But then, so had the motel. We were all pretty "happy" that day and wandered over to the circus. We saw a freak show (ew.), rode an elephant, fell off an elephant, stuff like that. Causing trouble. Then we saw a sign that said, "Fight the Monkey, win $500!" Woo hoo!

Several of the charming men I was with were willing with a bit of liquid courage, to undertake this fundraiser. Unfortunately, someone already had THAT job, so all we could do was watch the fight.

We all paid our $5 and went into this tent and sat down. The curtains opened and there was Harold and an Orangutan. Big, ugly one, with a steel cage over his enormous incisors, and both wore boxing gloves. To my credit, I yelled at Harold... "Harold, you big moron, get out of there!" Imagine my surprise to see Harold in that cage with that monkey 600 miles from home. Harold responded, "I'm going to win FIVE HUNDRED BUCKS!" I emphasised that he was probably going to lose an important part of his anatomy, but he was unswayed.

The Barker (owner of the circus) says, "in this corner is Cyrk the monkey and in this corner is Harold. If Harold knocks Cyrk out, he wins this FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!!" and waves a gob of money in the air. He continued, "touch gloves and when I count to three, come out fighting!" Ding Ding! One, two......

Harold sucker punches the monkey. Monkey goes flying across the cage, and boy, is he mad. He flies across the cage and pounces on Harold's chest grabbing him by the collar and screams into his face "EEEYYYEEEEYYYEEEYYYEEE!" I thought he was going to rip Harold's head off, but I was laughing so hard... well...

The Barker pulls Cyrk off Harold and says, "if you do that again, I can't be responsible".

Meanwhile Harold has the crowd on their feet showing his muscles and knocking his gloves together. Singing "I am the champion"....stuff like that. The Barker begins again, "one, two....."

Harold sucker punches the monkey.

The monkey tumbles across the room and lands in a pile. He jumps up, flies across the room, yanks a rather startled Harold's pants down around his ankles, grabs his foot and runs up the side of the cage so Harold is hanging upside down with the family jewels, well, exposed and hanging... well... upside down. I went over to the cage and looked down at Harold and said, "so, you win that five hundred bucks yet?" The entire tent was rolling on the floor laughing.

We went to the trailer to get Harold later and the Barker had walls of pictures with men who had "fought the monkey" hanging upside down with themselves..... all of themselves....hanging...upside down....with no pants on.

Harold didn't get five hundred bucks.

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