Christian Divorce Lawyers

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[hsmomx3]

Does anyone know of a good Christian divorce lawyer in the Phoenix area?

I hate the thought of doing this but my husband is having an affair with someone at work and he appears to be going thru a midlife crisis as well.

This breaks my heart yet he continues saying he believes God brought he and this woman together.

We have children as well and it is hurting all of us.

[John O]

But men are people too..and pretty much emotionally challenged.

This is truth. Very rare is the guy out there without some sort of baggage. Especially in these days when men are not really taught how to be men anymore. (and with the breakdown in the family this will get worse)

Then why is love a commandment? Love is NOT EASY after so many years, so many trials. Nope. FEELING love is easy, MAKING love is easy.

Loving someone when they are NOT LOVABLE is NOT easy. It is WORK. I know. been there for years!

This is also true. Real love is the decision to lay down your life for your mate. It has nothing to do with feelings. During my wife's illnes and sometimes during the events leading up to it, I found myself wanting to run away. I didn't 'feel' love anymore. However I did still love her (because I had decided to) and so I stayed.

Loving someone is the absolute hardest thing a person can ever do. It is also the most rewarding.

No, the husband who strays is wrong. My comment meant that does not make the wife seeking divorce is right!

The wife bears responsibility..wheteher she likes it or not, whether it is fair or not.

Here you are totally wrong. It doesn't matter what the wife did or did not do. (hsmomx3, the following does not apply to you, I'm speaking only in generalities here) She may have been a total shrew, an evil, vicious, liberal woman who starched his underwear just out of spite and cooked him poached eggs for breakfast every day because she knew he hated poached eggs. She could have weighed 400lbs and smelled of dirty underwear and wet dogs. She could have sold his tools and used the money to paint his car chartruese.

If he cheated on her it is still entirely his fault. He broke the marriage vows. He can't go blaming that on her behavior. "But she was mean to me" < /whiny wimpy husband voice> Too bad. Either get counseling together to fix it or learn to live with it. (of course if she is physically abusive, abandons him or is adulterous herself then he can divorce her).

What made this man seek another?,

It doesn't matter what or why. The only thing that matters is that he decided to break his vows. He deserves to be shunned from polite society and deserves to lose everything he ever held dear until he regains his senses and his wife decides to accept him back (and she doesn't have to). He has proven himself to be less than a full man.

I fulfilled my vows. I despise any 'man' who refuses to.

[John O]

You are wrong. Love doesn't waver. You can be upset at someone or disappointed or even angry, but if you really love someone, that love doesn't change, ever.

Answer me this. Can you fall in love? If so then you can fall out of love. Feelings are fickle.

A good marriage demands constant work and nurturing. In the beginning when the feeling of love is strong in both partners this nurturing is all but automatic. But as the years go by when the feeling fades but the decision remains this nurturing becomes work. When his habit of leaving his socks on the bathroom doorknob even though you've asked him time and time and time again finally gets to you, when you can't stand his incessant whistling one second more, when he's ticked you off so totally that the last thought that would ever enter your mind is to do something nice for him, THAT is when you have to work on nurturing the marriage. And that is when the work pays off the greatest rewards.

Mankind is a failed creation. We are sinful in all our ways and that nature in our bodies willonly be overcome in the next world. Until then we have to put up with each other. We are, by nature, unlovable. And that is why love is work.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I agree. Perhaps my situation is more unique than I first thought, but after 21 years of marriage I'm still very much in love with my husband.

I find it sad that anyone can blame their actions on something another has done. That sounds like a child's excuse. "I hit her because she hit me first"

And Happy Birthday to the spouse of Grellis

[holdmuhbeer]

Sorry to hear that maam, my ex wife did that to me a couple years ago. Hurts like hell doesn't it? Remember though that which does not kill us makes us stronger. I'm better off without the crazy chicka and you'll be better off without him.

[grellis]

I've said it before, I'll say it again, certainly not for the last time--your wife was one truly blessed woman, being married to a man like you!

[grellis]

I read all the time where people say marriage is work, you have to work at it. That is psychobabble.

Amen! Marriage is commitment, among other things, and if two people truly love each other it never feels like work. It feels like the best friendship ever with some wink-wink thrown in for good measure.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Agreed.

[John O]

I've said it before, I'll say it again, certainly not for the last time--your wife was one truly blessed woman, being married to a man like you!

Thank you. You can say it as often and anywhere you like. (I'll take all the free advertising I can get as I prepare to look for another woman to be wonderful to)

[hsmomx3]

We had never felt that our marriage was hard work. I always enjoyed doing things for my husband such as make him a nice breakfast (cereal, fresh fruit, sausage, oj---you name it) and then make him a nice meal at night.

[grellis]

Your family continues to be in my prayers. Is your husband insured through his work? Even if he's not, he should see a doctor. A medical doctor, that is, to make sure there is no underlying physical ailment disrupting his mental acuity. If he's okay...off to a shrink!

[andie74]

John O's wife was my best friend. If John had any fault in his marriage, it was that he pampered his bride too much.

[blue-duncan]

You have had some very good advice here and I don't mean to confuse you any more or add to your problems with more advice. The Lord knows your circumstances and is Lord over them even during this storm when all seems lost. Let me give you some practical advice for now.

Sit down and go over all of your finances listing all of your assets and liabilities so you know what is available and where you stand. You need to know what the financial condition is rather then the unknown.

Figure out your weekly, monthly and yearly budget for the family. Be sure to include all expenses, such as mortgage/rent, real property taxes, food, clothing, utilities, insurance medical, haircuts, entertainment etc. Make sure it is exhaustive, don't start thinking at this time of things you can cut out.

List all income from all sources. When taking into account your husband's income, most courts look at earning capacity if he is under employed so list both and be sure you have proof of his actual earning capacity.

If there is not enough income to cover the expenses, especially if you are using earning capacity then you have a very hard decision. The courts are not going to make him do the impossible. If there is going to be a divorce there will be two households living on the income and most courts today are only interested in the financial aspects and not the fault issues. The court will allow him sufficient to live on so that has to be taken into consideration in the budget.

I recognize you don't want the divorce and are morally against it, but marriage takes two and from what you write, he is not willing. Therefore you have to plan to be an independent, single parent and that probably will mean seeking employment outside the home in order to support the family and not rely totally on him. If he is undependable and selfish now, when the divorce or separation happens he will become even more undependable and you can't rely on the courts to enforce in a timely manner any awards for support and alimony.

If you don't have marketable job skills you need to start looking into community college courses or entry level training programs. You don't want to wake up in two years when the divorce becomes final and then have to start looking. Plan now and move on it. Don't totally rely on him to do the right thing. He is incapable of doing it. Most courts will award what is called rehabilitative alimony which is a fancy phrase for paid schooling.

Another friend has already posted excellent advice and that is start taking control of the situation. The longer you wait the easier it is for him to carry on and that is a poor example for the kids, both your enabling and his sin, actually both are sin. You as a wife and sister in the Lord have confronted him and he refuses to change so put him out legally and let him experience the consequences of his actions. Get a lawyer, get him in front of a judge and get exclusive possession of the house, settle the custody issue, get temporary alimony and support and get on with what the Lord has for you for the rest of your life. Many times your independence will cause a wandering husband to take notice.

God is taking you through a valley where at times you will not be able to see the way or feel secure. In fact there will be times that you will long for the security of this bad relationship rather than the seeming uncertainty of the way He is taking you. But rest assured He has already gone through it before you and with you and He knows the way.

[grellis]

All spouses should have such flaws as John's!

[RedBloodedAmerican]

Could the fact you keep asking for peoples advice on a web forum when you should be seeking the guidance of your husband have anything to do with it?

[hsmomx3]

Excuse me but my spouse is not in his proper frame of mind to be asking him questions.

He is irrational, one day says one thing, another day something different, mood swings, staying out late, lots of cell phone calls, kids involved.

You just cannot deal rationally with someone who does not have a full deck and hasn't been rational in six months.

And yes, he is 50 years of age.