You owe me a new keyboard for that one!
Posted on 03/05/2005 10:25:10 AM PST by TASMANIANRED
The following is a pre-approved posting whose purpose is to offer insight and advice to Northerners moving South.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
5. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you, either.
8. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big ol truck", or "big ol boy". "Fixin'", as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store", is 2nd. And "Y'all" is 3rd.
9. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.
11. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.
12. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
13. The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until December.
14. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.
15. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
I have a friend with a big Ford truck.
As soon as a few flakes of snow fall he is out driving the back roads ready to pull any one out that needs it.
The wart refers to an "organic" enhancement to the fellow's....um....well, what guys have that women don't (and I don't mean TV remote!).
And bless your heart for asking (blush)
You owe me a new keyboard for that one!
Bless your heart, You didn't spew , did ya'll.
If You don't know what a "stump whipped chitlin" is, best You stay where You are! I have raised all the children I made, damned if it is My job to bring You up to speed.
My Mamma raised me up right. I don't sass and mostly I ain't to big for my britches.
Or my favorite
"You cut your arm off...bless your heart.'
Y'all forgot "hey"
When I was a kid, living in NYC, my dad would always reprimand me for using "hey"...said hey is for horses, not people...
So, I move down here, NC, and all I hear is hey this and hey that...
Soon I catch myself answering someone on the phone or at the door with "hey"...
And you should warn people about "sweet tea"..
I did't have a clue when I ordered it...almost fell over with the first sip...90% sugar-10% tea....I have since learned to order un-sweet tea and adjust it myself!!!
But I LOVE the south!!!!
Hey is a multipurpose word.
Can be used to get someones attention, To say hello, and
Can be used as a bristling retort.
"You're not from around here are you?"
Tim replied, "No ma'am, I'm from Chicago"
"Chicago?" she shreiked, "Why, don't you think people from Chicago are just the rudest, most ill-mannered people in the world?"
Tim smiled and looked at her as he said,"Not any more ma'am, not any more"
That was also the same trip some #@!!@%% talked me into eating deep fried gizzards. That and okra are where I draw the line. Although I am very fond of deep fried sweet pickles!!
If you like deep fried sweet pickles you would like deep fried okra.
The problem with okra is letting it get too big, it get's woody and slimey.
When they are small and tender and fried quickly they are very good.
I am not a gizzard fan either.
Thanks for the driving advice, going to FLA over the Easter weekend. Just hoping for no snow.
1 inch to you means, stay at home.
6 inches to me means, drive a little slower.
YaYa, ping.
I've seen snow in Ky on Easter but it would be rarer than hen's teeth in Florida.
We stopped for gas one Sunday in rented car with Rhode Island plates in Ashville (? - off I-95) North Carolina - "directly" across the street from a Walgreens. I went in to get a "coke" (small "c", in the South coke means "soda") and came out to find my wife had locked the keys in the car. I told her I would call AAA and Hertz and see what they could do. I apologized to the proprietor for tying up his gas island, he took it in stride.
After I made the calls I told my wife it would be at least two hours before anyone could get there. She starts getting tense - I'm trying not to remind her who left the keys in the damn in car in the first place. I hand her $20 and ask her why doesn't she and daughter get some batteries for daughter's CD player over at Wahlgreens, knowing that she's always ready for shopping.
As luck would have it, the very next car to arrive was a coupla good old boys with a small fishing boat in tow, who pull in directly behind me. I apologize and explain that my wife has locked the keys in the car and...
Their faces light up like a kid at Christmas, the driver jumps out and pulls a set of lock pick tools out from under his seat, a minute later the door is open as the girls arrive from across the street, looking surprised. "The locksmith arrived already?" "Yup, they're really on the ball."
Sound's like the boys were prepared for anything.
We are leaving on Good Friday, taking 3 days to go down. Straight shot down I-75 with some side stops for the nephews.
Just hoping for good weather on the drive, we should get it, fingers crossed!!!
Ya'll have a safe trip.
Try to time Atlanta sometime other than rush hour.
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