Posted on 03/05/2005 10:25:10 AM PST by TASMANIANRED
The following is a pre-approved posting whose purpose is to offer insight and advice to Northerners moving South.
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
5. Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you, either.
8. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big ol", as in "big ol truck", or "big ol boy". "Fixin'", as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store", is 2nd. And "Y'all" is 3rd.
9. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone directly in the middle of the road, remember: ALL Southern folks learned to drive on a John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
10. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.
11. Most Southerners do not use turn signals; they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a Southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was already turned on when the car was purchased.
12. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
13. The wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until December.
14. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.
15. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one, it is positioned directly in front of the house. This is logical, bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the house and should, therefore, be prominently displayed.
in Camp County, where i hail from, a TRAFFIC JAM is 2 good ole boys stopped at the "caution light" drinking beer & telling LIES!
free dixie,sw
I love grits with a ton of butter! MMMmmmmmmmm
I sent some grits up to a friend in NH, He thought it was the nastiest thing he'd ever ate. Bwahahahahahahahahaha
free dixie,sw
if so, "ya'll aint from aroun hear".
TRUE STORY from home:
Lindsey L. Hawkins Waggoner once asked my mother:
"Glynn, honey, i married Ralph right after the war, had 4 girls by him, been president of the PTA for YEARS & YEARS, worked for the bank for over 25 years, BUT WHEN is ever'body going to stop callin' me a NEWCOMER?"
i HAD to LOL at that. the answer is NEVER!
free dixie,sw
I am from around here but I still don't like grits.
grits are one of the 5 southron food groups.
the others are grease,pepper,coffee & tobasco.
free dixie,sw
Not to mention bar bq
I can do 4 of the 5 southron food groups.
I think you left out gravy .
btw, what the H is "chicken fried chicken" which PSEUDO-southern cafes suddenly see to have put on their menus????
chicken fried STEAK i know about & love, slathered in cream gravy.
free dixie,sw
Being named after a beloved Dog is a high honor especially for the 4th or 5th son.
Son one is a Jr, called Jr and not little John like they do up north.
Son 2 has to be named after Mammers Daddy unless he was a no count.
Son number 3 get's named after Uncle Buck or Uncle Ray.
Son number 4, gets honored by Dads favorite dog.
i always figured Doyle (his dad) must have been DRUNK the day he was born/named.
free dixie,sw
Maybe he just hated the name Doyle and figured Junior was an improvement.
free dixie,sw
*LOL*!!!
It's not gravy till you purt near burn the flar in the pan dripins.
You can conceal anything in bar bq.
My Daddy made Racoon bar bq once and didn't tell us till the pan was swabbed clean.
Made me a mite angry but it was still good.
In reference to my last post,
The worst bar bq I ever had was good.
"Bless his heart. He's either got money or a wart"
A WART??
Explain please.
LOL! It's that southern hospitality thing :)
Or the perfect opportunity for a "Hold muh beer'n watch this" moment.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.