Posted on 12/20/2004 6:41:03 AM PST by kerouacbal
I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. I am having trouble growing up and I am driving my wife nuts. It has gotten to the point that my wife talks about divorce almost every day. I want to work this out more then I every wanted anything but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all). I am posting this here to try to get some advise on how to help my self grow up and start to take care of my wife and son better like a husband should. My parents are dead and I don't have a close family member or friend to get advise from. Could someone please help me.
"2 young Love Birds are still fighting over that 1%."
Looks like 2% to me.
But I agree with you. All that stuff should have been worked out before they got married, however, in those love spats.
: )
Always.
The things he's forgetting are not the issue, it's the forgetting that suggests the drinking. Problem drinkers rarely recognize their problem and would generally be reluctant to lead with that as a problem. As I said in my original response, I am making an assumption but alcohol rarely helps a marriage.
Its a great help..
Laura Earl doesn't roar! That would give me too much warning. She just attacks.
And don't forget it. ;)
Perhaps not (although I'm not sure how you could possibly know, considering the whole of your content on this thread), but it at least goes to his desire to mature. You are advising him to do things that go against the very thing he wants to accomplish, and to not do things that would encourage the maturation process. Yet his desire to accomplish this is by any standard good and fine and noble.
Your advice to him can be summed up in three words: "Be a jerk." He won't make it that way. If my advice isn't the best available, please offer something besides contradiction.
You need to write a book.
Since when is meeting your wife's demands the definition of growing up?
If this guy is lacking maturity, it's in that he hasn't yet learned women are not "right" by definition, and he'll never learn that by listening to women or men who are "whipped" by them.
Can she do anything for herself?
No m'am. I won't forget.
Christian marriage counselling sounds real good... trouble is, a man can't lead a woman that refuses to follow. American women only follow if you're leading to where they wanted to go in the first place.
As in, "I need my space."?
You are correct. My bad. So the situation is that there is an existing and not a potential child, and the mother is afraid every day that the father is not reliable.
Couldn't agree more...ADD is an invented syndrome to market stimulant and psychtropic drugs.
I have to agree with this, if you think it applies to your situation. My husband and I had a child within a year of marriage, and it's tough (though I wouldn't change what happened for the world). I thought I would go stir crazy, until a few months ago when hubby started watching the kids for two hours every saturday morning so I could get out and be free. After a month or two, I didn't even take advantage of it much, anymore. It was enough to know I could have it if I wanted it.
Also, a little spending account that she's not allowed to use on you, or the kids, or groceries could go a long way (only if your financially healthy, of course).
I'll go further: Why assume that men who don't take the cynical view, who do take this man at his word, are "whipped" by women? They are merely addressing the content of his posts, which are, in short, "I am not mature and I am constantly screwing the pooch; I had no direction growing up; my wife has been patient, but I can't do anything right. I need help."
Some here would have this man believe that he is in the wrong by asking for help. I take the view that if he truly wants help and wants change to occur he will have to change himself, because he can change no-one else. In order to overcome the problems he claims to have (not the faults that many are projecting), he will need to acquire self-discipline. I have given him some tips on how to acquire it. If you don't like them, fine with me...perhaps he can learn self-discipline better from you than from me.
Of course, if you don't agree that he needs self-discipline, you either haven't read, or disagree with, the only valid conclusions that can be drawn from the face value of his posts. And that wouldn't surprise me in the least, considering the responses I've had here today.
"the mother is afraid every day that the father is not reliable."
Based on the fact that he sometimes forgets to take out the garbage and does not always turn down the heat at night.
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