Here is a picture of them now! ;)
Posted on 12/20/2004 6:41:03 AM PST by kerouacbal
I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. I am having trouble growing up and I am driving my wife nuts. It has gotten to the point that my wife talks about divorce almost every day. I want to work this out more then I every wanted anything but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all). I am posting this here to try to get some advise on how to help my self grow up and start to take care of my wife and son better like a husband should. My parents are dead and I don't have a close family member or friend to get advise from. Could someone please help me.
The rule in our house is "if it bothers you, you fix it." You are not the maintenance man.
Make a list of the things you need to do. Put the list on your bedroom door. Then just make sure you do everything on the list before you go to bed at night. That way you don't have to remember anything, you just do what's on the list. Lists work!
"Bitch!!"
Memories light the corner of my mind.
Misty water color memories
Of the way we were.
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were.
You mean as in cigarette?
Yes.
Posted by Crazyhorse691:
"...It may be fashionable in Hollyweird to go public with all sorts of private garbage, but, it is really weird to publicly request help in solving personal stuff. Get a goldfish.
It's a vanity post, but kerouacbal appears very sincere. He has clearly been around long enough to prove he is not a troll. Cut him a break during this difficult time he is experencing. I had to laugh at your response above after looking at your "about" page in which you say:
"...I enjoy calm, rational discussions which means I pretty much have to seek it out on the internet..."
Doesn't it seem a bit unfair that you speak to turning to the Internet for discussion, but that you don't afford kerouacbal the same flexibility? He has clearly explained he has nobody else to whom to turn except for anonymous FReepers.
~ Blue Jays ~
Read the book at this address: www.rulymob.com
Growing up requires discipline. Now seriously: How much discipline does it take to do laundry or load a dishwasher...yet he has claimed that he can't get it together enough to do simple household tasks. And you have suggested that my advice is masochistic.
The point is, the man needs to discipline himself if he wants to mature. The quickest way to do it is to do the things he doesn't know how to do, or doesn't want to do, or is constantly forgetting to do.
You would have him disregard this advice. To what end? Resentment? Contention? Hostility? Divorce?
If he matures he has a shot at keeping his marriage together. If he doesn't, he thinks it'll all go down the drain. All of this "tell her where to get off" business will do no good, because he isn't speaking from a position of strength. He needs some bargaining chips, and his job won't cut it here. He's supposed to work. If he leads an exemplary life, however, or if he merely begins to approach the habits of an exemplar, his wife will be forced to consider his maturing process, and she'll have relatively little about which to complain, and she'll realize that she is the one who isn't measuring up.
And all he has done is set an example. Yet you'd have him hold to standards he doesn't possess, stick to guns he doesn't own, remain an emotional adolescent.
Is this projection on your part?
Read the book at this address: www.rulymob.com
"Is there a point to your derision?"
Yes, that your advice is not the best available.
It sounds to me that it's the 1% syndrome. A successful marriage is not 50/50, it is 51/49, and these 2 young Love Birds are still fighting over that 1%. Yes I've been married a few times, so what.
You should know.
Good rule.
Ahh, the subtle approach to marital problem solving. I like it.
Aw, he'll quit someday....that's what I always tell him.
There's nothing wrong with you at all. Your wife is humping the mailman and is looking for a way out of the marriage.
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