I need help with marriage troubles (vanity)

[kerouacbal]

I am 26 years old and have been married for 2 years. I am having trouble growing up and I am driving my wife nuts. It has gotten to the point that my wife talks about divorce almost every day. I want to work this out more then I every wanted anything but I can't seem to do it or do it quick enough. I can't seem to remember consistently to do every day things like take out the garbage make sure all the doors are locked and the heat is off at night (there is a lot more but won't get into it all). I am posting this here to try to get some advise on how to help my self grow up and start to take care of my wife and son better like a husband should. My parents are dead and I don't have a close family member or friend to get advise from. Could someone please help me.

[FR_addict]

Good luck with your marriage. I think your post is fine.

[alisasny]

Does your wife work?

[68 grunt]

Ditch her now while its early. Don't even think about marraige again until you're at least 30,l preferably 35. Party hearty, dude!

[camle]

didn't one of the experienced riders who was on "biker build off" just kill himself doing that same thing?

talk about needing to grow up! the good news is that show-offs like that don't live very long, the bad news is that every time one of them buys the farm, the pols take it out on the rest of us.

[kerouacbal]

We were together for 3 years before we got married and married for 1 year before my son was born. To give you an example of who much of an ass I am, today my wife and son are sick I forgot to bring out the garbage last night now my sick wife has to go outside in 20 degree weather to put the garbage out so the garage doesn't smell of my son's diapers all week.

[wizr]

None of us is perfect. Concentrate on those things that make you feel better about yourself, your wife and your son.

Listen to your heart. Some of us call it prayer. Know that what happened yesterday does not matter. What you do today will help your tomorrows.

If you stumble, get up and try again. Don't quit. If you really love your wife and child, learn to deepen your love and help them.

[myprecious]

She won't go to counseling

You need to be the leader. Go to counseling yourself - with or without her. Your SON deserves it. Perhaps there will be such on impact on your behavior that she will join you later. But take action today for him.

[Publius6961]

I also have a 44-year-old son who is going on 12. He was lucky enough to find a kindred spirit, but is not yet married, supports himself, motorcycles is his life.
As long as his partner can deal with it, it "works".
Unfortunately, when children are in the picture, things enter a whole different universe.

[frog_jerk_2004]

Do you just don't care? Is that what your problem is? Do you love your family?

[kerouacbal]

no she stays home to take care of my son

[spunkets]

"I would bet that if your wife talks about divorce every day she has someone else in mind."

I'd say on hand.

[johniegrad]

I'd say a won't-help-the-marriage-getting-on-the-internet-posting-vanities 10.

The purpose is not to get advice. If you watch, almost every bit of advice he gets will either not be acknowledged or rejected. This is about getting beat up.

She can't depend on me for anything.

He gets beat up every day by her and that's not enough. He comes here with a vanity post after being here for about 18 months knowing darn well that he's going to get beat up here for it also. This is victim mentality.

I have to admit that I love these kind of threads however. I think of them as FreeRepublic Rorschach Tests. Everybody brings their own stuff with them and freely posts it. Kind of entertaining.

[af_vet_1981]

I don't cheat and have a better job and make more money then most people my age. This is about the lack of a partnership in the marriage. She can't depend on me for anything.

"Lack of partnership" ?

It sounds like she is running a mind game on you.

[Born to Conserve]

Fess up with the dirt . . .

You have a bunch of friend you party with several times a week, you are not earning money, etc, etc.

It's not the little stuff bothering her.

[kerouacbal]

If I dind't love them I would of left by now and would not be looking for help

[writer33]

"That's number one. Your wife is setting the stage by talking about divorce all the time-- it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Second, all that stuff about not taking out the trash or remembering things is totally passive aggressive-- it's you trying to demonstrate that you aren't capable of this marriage."

I'm in agreement with Cinnamon Girl. And that's all I have to say about that. Far be it from me to claim expertise as some kind of counselor.

[BibChr]

Here's my very compressed response.

I grew up a very spoiled child, taking advantage of my parents' love. At age seventeen, God showed me the depth of my rebellion against Him, and my need for every bit of Jesus Christ, as my Lord, Savior, and life. That began a process that has taken 30+ years so far, and has involved endless gruelling kickings of my personal butt. It has been the sole factor in my beginning to develop the character God means me to have.

So my heartfelt counsel to you is: get your heart right with God (check out How Can I Know God?); and get yourself into a good, Bible-teaching church, where you can have maturing, godly men modeling manhood for you.

Dan
Biblical Christianity web site
Biblical Christianity message board
Biblical Christianity BLOG

[Kennesaw]

You have FreepMail

[evets]

My ex-wife... and similar.

[frog_jerk_2004]

Then why the hell can't you take out the garbage or other menial tasks? I mean, what are you doing that is distracting you?