Jasmine Crockett Floats Down Mighty Mississippi To Purchase Fresh Shipment Of Mexican Slaves

Babylon Bee ^ | 04/09/2025 | Babylon Bee

[DFG]

NATCHEZ, MS — Congresswoman Jasmine Crockett was seen smoking a corncob pipe and playing a ditty on her banjo as she drifted down the mighty Mississippi River on her way to purchase a fresh shipment of Mexican slaves.

According to sources, Crockett made her way to the nearby Forks in the Road where she hoped to buy some Hispanic slaves at auction.

"I'm looking for cotton pickers," Crockett said when asked what her business was in town. "If we gon' make the South mighty again, I need more of those Latinos to work the fields. They gon' love Dixie Land."

Mexicans, which Crockett says are known for their hard work ethic and strong backs, make the best cotton pickers because they'll do anything to stay in America. "No one here wants to be a slave no mo'," said Crockett when confronted by a conservative abolitionist. "Who gon' work the farms so that you can have cheap food? My slaves, that's who. Mexican slave labor is what makes the Confeder -- excuse me, makes America strong."

At publishing time, Representative Jasmine Crockett had started sailing the Potomac to sell her slaves to fellow Democrats looking for cheap labor.

[Red Badger]

Singing: I’m your Huckleberry..................

[metmom]

At publishing time, Representative Jasmine Crockett had started sailing the Potomac to sell her slaves to fellow Democrats looking for cheap labor.

Yup, to clean their houses and manicure their lawns and some idiots use them as baby sitters or *nannies* to watch their children.

[FlingWingFlyer]

A couple more years lounging around Congress and shootin’ off her filthy big mouth and litte Miss Jazzy well have stolen enough money to buy a plantation with a mansion on it to keep all her Mexicans on.

[Cowgirl of Justice]

I am not naming names but I remember a long time ago when a very large black celebrity bragging that ‘she had white folk’ working for her and her grandmother would be proud.

[E. Pluribus Unum]

Democrats haven’t been this angry since Republicans freed their slaves the first time.

[XEHRpa]

I’m stealing that quote.

[Noumenon]

Big wheel keep on turnin'
Proud Mary keep on burnin...

[DPMD]

The tired trope that says Mexicans are just doing the jobs Americans won’t do was based entirely on lefty racism.

[Vaduz]

Jasmine Crockett would be a good room mate with AOC.

Waiting for the next Babylon Bee report.

No telling how often Harris drops by for girls night out.

[sauropod]

*chuckle*

[MikelTackNailer]

Eeny meany chili beany, the spirits are about to speak!

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"Ah'm so glad to see our black sister taking up the Lost Cause! Damnation's not all drudge and torture as the Fallen One lets those of us who've served him well in life to monitor the current world. And what a world you have with most negroes voting firmly on the plantation despite generations of broken promises. Throwing so much taxpayer money at teachers' unions has paid off handsomely with legions of pickaninnies too clumsy for sports and too ignorant for productive work resorting to crime and welfare, perpetuating the cycle of Democrats getting elected.

Used to be we'd have the darkies working the fields, the lighter ones practicing low-skill tasks and the high yellows up at the Big House. You put a mixed-blood in THE Big House! Now those who used to pick the cotton are now in Congress saying that's an illegal immigrant's job. Ah'm so proud that the Party has proven it's capable of progressing with the times while simultaneously keeping the grand old traditions alive for future generations.

Now pardon me - it's my day to starch the rob...er, sheets for the brotherhood."

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Whew; that was brutal. Why do I have a hankering for a Mint Julip?