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Multi-Billionaire Terrorist Killed [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 4 August 2024 | John Semmens

Posted on 08/03/2024 12:12:22 PM PDT by John Semmens

This week, Ismail Haniyeh, one of the top three multi-billionaire Hamas leaders, was killed in Tehran by a bomb. He was visiting to meet with Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei and participate in the inauguration ceremony of new Iranian president Masoud Pezeshkian.

While Iranian authorities initially attributed the death to an Israeli air strike, further analysis revealed that the explosive device had been secretly planted in an Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corps safe house for visiting friends of the regime two months prior to its remote detonation--a strategy that Pezeshkian characterized as "cowardly."

In a statement issued from their luxury hotel in Qatar, Haniyeh's surviving fellow terrorist kleptocrats Moussa Abu Marzuk and Khaled Mashal, vowed "to divide Haniyeh's $4 billion estate between us so we can continue the fight to free Palestine of Jews." This $4 billion is part of the $11 billion the three of them jointly claimed "is our fair share of the aid foreigners have sent to Gaza. Leading these people is a difficult and dangerous job. Those of us tasked with this job deserve adequate compensation."

Give the squalor, poverty, and suffering of the people he claims to be serving, Mashal still rebuffed criticism of his lavish lifestyle, saying "since before the days of Mohamed it has always been important for leaders to demonstrate their right to rule. Having the best of everything shows the people their leaders are powerful and makes them obey. This is the way it has always been and will continue to be."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/366336-2024-08-03-semi-news-semi-satire-august-4-2024-edition.htm


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Military/Veterans; Politics; Religion
KEYWORDS: 11billion; hamas; islam; kleptocracy; postandrun; satire; selfpromotion

1 posted on 08/03/2024 12:12:22 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

It is so sad. I hope I can water his grave.


2 posted on 08/03/2024 12:14:00 PM PDT by MtnClimber (For photos of scenery and wildlife, click on my screen name for my FR home page. More photos added.)
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To: John Semmens

Multi-billionaire terrorists thanks to the American taxpayer.

Biden and Clinton crime families are envious.


3 posted on 08/03/2024 12:35:27 PM PDT by Jacquerie (ArticleVBlog.com)
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To: John Semmens

Well at least he won’t need Go Fund Me for his funeral


4 posted on 08/03/2024 12:44:28 PM PDT by NWFree (Somebody has to say it 🤪)
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To: John Semmens

I’m sure he was a popular leader among the starving peasants


5 posted on 08/03/2024 12:45:53 PM PDT by NWFree (Somebody has to say it 🤪)
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To: John Semmens

Wonder how he made his first billion.


6 posted on 08/03/2024 1:24:48 PM PDT by alternatives?
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To: John Semmens

Soros?


7 posted on 08/03/2024 1:25:35 PM PDT by Mashood
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To: John Semmens
a strategy that Pezeshkian characterized as "cowardly."

I don't know, I would have used the word "effective".

8 posted on 08/03/2024 2:07:31 PM PDT by NurdlyPeon (It is the nature of liberals to pervert whatever they touch.)
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To: John Semmens

I responded in another thread that if this is true, I’d be surprised.

But I’m thinking this is high level mossad “think”!!!

The mullahs certainly don’t want a repeat of this killing to happen, so not only did mossad kill the terrorist leader, but the mullahs will kill every IRGC person that was in this safe house. And not just for those who were there in the “last few months” but prob several months just to ensure they get the right ONE. Awesome!!!

I mean, this is Mensa level thinking to eliminate prob a large # of terrorist operatives.

I’m no huge fan of the Israeli gov’t, big fan of the Israeli people n Bibi, but this is a “Bravo Zulu” to the Israeli gov’t and mossad.

And these IRGC foot soldiers are prob all well connected to the Iranian leadership to get such a plum job and location.


9 posted on 08/03/2024 2:19:52 PM PDT by fastrock ( )
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To: John Semmens

Someone should tell the remaining leaders that the assassinations will continue until all remaining hostages are returned.


10 posted on 08/03/2024 3:07:03 PM PDT by egfowler3 (COVID-19, today's Hypochondriacal psychosis (aka: Delusional parasitosis))
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To: egfowler3

I think it is likely that Israel has already told them this would happen.


11 posted on 08/04/2024 1:16:58 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

I don’t think they’re listening...


12 posted on 08/05/2024 8:58:14 AM PDT by egfowler3 (COVID-19, today's Hypochondriacal psychosis (aka: Delusional parasitosis))
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