Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

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[HKMk23]

No problem, there. Probably your repeated posting is what’s kept it bumped up near the top all day long. The thread’s pushing 200 Replies, now.

[Monkey Face]

A hundred from me, no doubt!! LOL!

[HKMk23]

At least the TSA doesn’t have needles, or worse.

Hey! What're you trying to do; make them jealous??

[Monkey Face]

I really don’t want to tick off the TSA drones...just give them something to think about, call their supervisors for and let everyone behind me know that “NOW” is the time to get the cameras rolling!

At 5’9”, I suspect there won’t be too many willing to try and intimidate me. If someone does, I can look up at them, smile and say, “Do you have a grandmother? Is she alive and well? Do you think you would like to see her subjected to this molestation/sexual assault?”

Yah. Like that.

[Tax-chick]

I’m sure ‘Face will handle the situation excellently.

My Sunday School class was really loud this evening. I’m going to have to split up the groups of girls and boys next time. It’s nice that they’re friends, but with 16 of them, the constant chatter makes it hard to teach.

[HKMk23]

NOTHING solves the “boisterous youth group” problem like prayer. I don’t JUST mean YOU praying for THEM, I mean YOU get them praying. I don’t mean rote prayers like reciting the prayers of the apostles out of the New Testament; I mean real, original, from the heart prayer about REAL issues they and their friends face every week. I mean prayers for friends, family members, missionaries they know of, the advance of the gospel, the return of Christ...teach them to just go with The Spirit, and let them run the gamut.

Your future classes may not be totally quiet, but the nature of the conversation” will be more heavenly.

[Monkey Face]

I’m a firm believer in “from the heart” prayers, and I know whereof you speak.

My grandson is a prime example. He’s almost 14, and he is so in tune with the Spirit it’s not even funny. I couldn’t be more proud!

On a lighter note, I just penned an email to the local TV station and told them my willingness to strip, yell, scream and take notes if I’m ever singled out for Napolitano’s Hit Mob.

Stay tuned.

With that, I’m off to bed. Achy joints, fever, headache and blurred vision. Not to metion blurred brain. Stumbling. Nausea. Time for bed.

Be good to all those in your care!!!

‘Face

[sionnsar]

Wear a kilt. They won’t be able to feel a thing through the wool, No guy would like the next step...

[sionnsar]

Wear a kilt. They won’t be able to feel a thing through the wool, No guy would like the next step...

[sionnsar]

Good night, and will send up a prayer for a better tomorrow.

[Tax-chick]

I forgot to mention it’s a first grade class. I do have them offer prayers for their families and so on as part of each class, but we also have lessons to cover, and once they start coloring or writing something, the chat begins.

When I picked Bill and Tom up from the high school youth group on Sunday evening, they were all praying about the events in their lives. It was quite touching. I was out in the hall and they didn’t see me. The same thing happens, both adults and youth, at the Friday evening gatherings when we have homeless people in during the winter.

[Tax-chick]

[Monkey Face]

Some days, Lolspeak is all I can understand.

[Tax-chick]

Just back from the airport, girls are retrieved. Now I hear them fighting over putting their clothes away, just like they’d never been gone. Sigh.

We have a mouse in the kitchen. Useless catz.

[Monkey Face]

Maybe you need Felix to take care of the little mouse.

I didn’t want to wake up today. Tomorrow is my recertification and the forms get longer and longer. And the print gets smaller and smaller. *sigh* So I’ve spent the last 45 minutes trying to read the forms and gather up documents. *sheesh*

Did the girls have a good time?

[Tax-chick]

Yes, the girls had a good time.

I don’t want to go to Walmart, but I have to. We’re almost out of diapers!

[Monkey Face]

I think today is a day to stay home. Since I’ve filled out my paperwork, and found the pattern for sock monkey dolls, I think I’ll watch a movie. After that, I can decide what else to do. If anything.

[sionnsar]

Staying home sounds good. No laptop so no email so I was ready to go at 8. But event doesn’t start until 12:30. And no word from IT on the laptop.

[sionnsar]

Staying home sounds good. No laptop so no email so I was ready to go at 8. But event doesn’t start until 12:30. And no word from IT on the laptop.

[sionnsar]

Staying home sounds good. No laptop so no email so I was ready to go at 8. But event doesn’t start until 12:30. And no word from IT on the laptop.