Lightning Rod Gets The Zot

The Poet's Eye ^ | Lightning Rod

[Lrod]

A character like Christine O'Donnell presents a unique problem for a humorist. Few elaborations are called for since the caricature is self-embodied. All that is needed is a dead-pan Jack Benny look. You know, the one where he just stares blankly at the audience without saying a word and eventually someone titters and before you know it the whole place is in hysterics? Her very existence as a major party candidate for US Senate is the kind of comedy which arrives ready-written and would only be spoiled by embellishment. I mean, what can you add to rabidantimasturbationtarianism, rats with fully-functioning human brains and her famous Witches of Eastwick campaign ad that looks like it was produced by Tim Burton? I had fully intended to leave Ms. O'Donnell to the other comedians and the pundits who were wearing her out on cable TV. But then came the most recent revelation that she has claimed that her father was Bozo the Clown. Here I had to break my silence, not in the name of humor, but in the cause of veracity. This is a subject I happen to know something about.

Long ago, for one magic season, I was related by marriage to Bozo the Clown. I'm not making this up. My father was a semi-notorious lothario in the television and advertising business. Sometime after he turned 50, he married the 17 year-old daughter of one of his professional colleagues, Larry Harmon, the guy who owned the franchise to Bozo, the Most Famous Clown in the World. He was Bozo Primero, not one of the many FauxZos who were franchised in every major media market. I was much closer to the power center of the Bozo world than Ms. O'Donnell ever dreamed of being. It gave me an intimate glimpse into the backstage life of clowns. I knew little of the inside workings of the clown business in those days. Like a naive child, I had assumed that, you know, Bozo was Bozo. It never occurred to me that there was a school, like a Bozo boot-camp, where imposters went to learn how to walk like a Bozo and talk like a Bozo and draw the red rictus of a smile on their faces with greasepaint. It was like learning a dirty family secret and it was a big disappointment. When you go to see Bozo, you want it to really be Bozo, not some guy dressed up in a Bozo costume.

I hadn't thought about my brief inclusion in greasepaint royalty for years until Ms. O'D surfaced with her claims of actually being a blood relative of Bozo the Clown. The marriage between my father and Princess Bozo, which was chronologically challenged to begin with, barely outlasted the honeymoon. They had about as much in common as Christine would have in common with the 99 other US Senators. Suddenly the whole subject bubbled from my subconscious and made me wonder about franchises and politicians and the authenticity of clowns.

Since John Quincy Adams carried forth his father's political legacy, American politicians have campaigned on the richness of their family's past public service. Roosevelt and Kennedy and Bush all represent minor dynasties and it is entirely in keeping with this tradition for Ms. O'D to claim descent from Bozo. Clowning is as present in the current of American politics as populism, liberalism or conservatism. But in light of Ms. O'D's penchant for resume enhancement, she fibbed about her college career and has downplayed her wiccan studies, her claims to clownly ancestry are also suspect. While she seems like a natural and can certainly get a laugh and works well in the side-shows, one has to wonder if she is really ready for the Big Top, the center ring.

The US Senate is the Big League of Buffoonery. Even pros like Colbert have trouble hanging there. It's a tough room. Notice that Al Franken, even with all his years of practical comic experience, has been keeping mum in deference to the mime-masters of the Senate. These clowns can juggle, ride unicycles, do pratfalls and get shot from cannons, all with the perfect dead-pan of their painted-on media faces. They are consummate clowns adept with all the tricks, the seltzer bottle, the pie-in-the-face, the filibuster. I don't want to get all Stephen King on you but these aren't nice clowns. Ms. O'D should think twice before she alienates her witch constituency, she may need some strong juju to avoid the dunking stool. They'll make her the senator-punk-clown. Every troupe of clowns has one, the smallest clown, bottom of the pecking order, the one who all the other clowns slap and when there is no smaller clown for her to slap, she turns to the audience with her out-turned palms and pitiful Emmett Kelly frown and says, "I am you."

Two of the greatest Senatorial Clowns, Lloyd Bentson and Dan Quayle, in their famous vice-presidential debate in 1988 demonstrated the type of cut-throat comedy these jokers are capable of. When Quayle set the joke up by comparing his inexperience to the inexperience of Jack Kennedy, Bentson spiked it with this punch-line, "Senator," he said, "I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you are no Jack Kennedy."

The Poet's Eye would like to say to Christine O'Donnell in this same spirit, "Ms. O'Donnell, you say your father is Bozo. Well, I knew Bozo. Bozo was briefly my step-grand-father-in-law. Christine, your father was no Bozo."

Yes I’m stuck in the middle with you, and I’m wondering what it is I should do. It’s so hard to keep this smile from my face. Losing control yeah I'm all over the place.

Clowns to the left of me! Jokers to the right! Here I am stuck in the middle with you. ---Joe Egan and Gerry Rafferty

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[Tax-chick]

Yes, it is morning. And you got two pair, although how you found cards with zeros is another question ...

I need to call my dentist and find out what time my appointment is. I think I have a blockage on this issue!

[Monkey Face]

The zeros are on the Joker cards...

Since the laundry room will be closed for two weeks for remodeling, I washed two loads of clothes this morning. Now all I have to do is hang them up.

I need to call the doctor’s office and see why my prescriptions weren’t available on Friday.

I understand the blockage for the dentist appointment...

[Tax-chick]

Noon, so we have time to go to the library first. We have overdue books.

[Tax-chick]

Phooey - Matthews Library changed their hours again; they don’t open until 1 on Mondays. At least we dropped off everything I could find.

Dentist coming up next, unnngh.

[ColdOne]

Hello, a Good Morning to you!

[ThomasThomas]

Why would go to a dentist for a blockage issue?

[Monkey Face]

I hate when they do that. It’s been so long since I’ve been to the big library it’s not even funny.

Somehow, depending on what the dentist does, I think you may not want to post for a while after your visit.

[Monkey Face]

How was your Sunday? Lots of snow? Lots of football? All of the above?

[ColdOne]

Sunday was fine. Snowed but did not stick..2 games I watched!

[Monkey Face]

It sounds like you had a good day!

[ColdOne]

Yes ....Yours how did it go?

[Monkey Face]

Quiet. I didn’t feel up to doing much. Some days it goes like that.

[HKMk23]

Good Morning, all ye Undead!

Given today’s news, I just HAD to do this:
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-bloggers/2627466/posts

It’s in the “mocking the ridiculous with ridicule” vein. Hope you enjoy it.

[fanfan]

I love it!

Again this year I refuse to take my annual business trip to the US.

This has got to stop.

[HKMk23]

Again this year I refuse to take my annual business trip to the US.

The only reason the airlines aren't screaming louder is because THEY have no idea how much revenue they're losing over this junk.

ANYONE who is refusing to fly because of the TSA really needs to let the Air Transport Association know so they can break it down for their members: ata@airlines.org

[Tax-chick]

I like it. When you’ve been through 11 pregnancies, 12 years of breastfeeding, and a colonoscopy, getting undressed is a big “Who cares?” At least the TSA doesn’t have needles, or worse.

[Monkey Face]

I’m sorry, HK...I inadvertantly high-jacked your thread. My bad...

[Monkey Face]

I haven’t been through all that, but at my age, there isn’t much that can cause me embarrassment. I’ll shame them all...I have a good opportunity coming up!

Wish me luck! One small leap for elder freedom! What WMD’s can a gramma carry? *ripping off sweatshirt* “Take a picture, you perverts! Anybody behind me got a camera? Send this sucker to Viral Video!!” Meanwhile, I’ll take names, numbers and other pertinent data.

My luck, they’ll pass me by...

[Tax-chick]

That’s right, you are flying soon! If you really wanted to be an instant celebrity, you could say something to tick off the TSA drones ;-).

[Monkey Face]

I plan on making sure my journey through Security is something that SOME folks won’t forget, any time soon!

When I visited my son two years ago, I was subjected to a “thorough search” coming home, which took a good 30 minutes of my time, and left me feeling violated. I promised me I would never allow that again.

I’m too old and too short of patience with “the powers that be” to allow them to humiliate me again. I WILL turn the tables. Loudly!