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Former President Bill Clinton made an effort to stir opposition to Donald Trump’s promise to “make America great again” by claiming its intent is “racist. These are code words understood by all white people as a pledge to put blacks down.” “The main targets of Donald Trump’s vow to bring law and order to our inner cities are black youths,” Clinton asserted. “Look at what he’s saying about black gangs killing each other in Chicago. Clearly, these are the people who will be suppressed by Trump’s knee-jerk support for law enforcement.” “What is his promise to bring jobs back to...

But if it be a sin to covet honor, I am the most offending soul alive. No, faith, my coz, wish not a man from America: Rather proclaim it, Ryan, through my host, That he which hath no stomach to this fight, Let him depart; his passport shall be made And filthy dollars for convoy put into his purse: We would not die in that man's company That fears his fellowship to die with us. This day is called the Election: He that outlives this day, and comes safe home, Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named, And...

Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton's daughter went on ABC's The View talk show to express her dismay at polls showing that a huge majority of Americans consider her mother untrustworthy. "I realize that some of the things coming out from the emails she tried to conceal are raising questions, but I know my mother and I'm certain that if anything thing she did was wrong in some technical sense that she did it for a good reason," Chelsea explained. "What a lot of people don't understand is that her job as the nation's top diplomat often required her to deliberately...

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) called GOP mention of the content of the Democratic National Committee's emails hacked and published by Wikileaks "unfair. It's like a football team purloining a copy of the other team's playbook and using that to win a game. It's cheating. It's dishonest." Pelosi brushed aside email content revealing that the DNC cheated by rigging their primaries against Hillary Clinton's main rival for the nomination Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-Vt), saying "since when do two wrongs make a right? We are calling on the GOP to turn aside from a tit-for-tat. Attempting to get even by...

Striving to snag the curious vote, Clinton's lead press secretary, Brian Fallon, urged "those who are so eager to see Hillary give a press conference can elect her president. Presidents always have press conferences. As the head of government she'll have a lot to say to the press." Fallon justified the campaign's dearth of media interaction as "just building up the suspense and anticipation. I hear that there is some speculation that the multiple questions and flashing cameras will spark a seizure. Well, the only way to find out is to get her into office and see." if you missed...

The Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration (TIGTA) issued a report this week indicating that the IRS had discovered more than a million cases of identity theft but failed to notify any of the victims. IRS Commissioner John Koskinen defended the lack of effort to inform the taxpayers whose identities were stolen as "not the agency's job. Look, in the vast majority of these thefts the stolen IDs are merely being used by undocumented residents to obtain employment. There is no negative impact on the government. If a person's ID is stolen and someone else uses it to get a...

This week, US Secretary of State John Kerry took the media to task for exaggerating the threat of terrorism. "I can't open a newspaper or turn on the TV without having to see some story about suicide bombers or Allahu akbar murderers shooting up a shopping mall," Kerry complained. "Its so repetitive it's tiresome." "It's not as if we're talking about an existential threat to the United States," Kerry contended. "The number of people killed in these attacks is relatively small. Most, I would assume, are covered by insurance as are the businesses damaged by the explosions. Life goes on....

Having personally ratified the Iran Scam Treaty and the Climate Change Treaty with China, President Obama today met with Turkish, Saudi and Iranian heads of state to ratify a new treaty making Sharia Law binding in the United States. Please see also, The West Needs Sharia Law – Pakistani cleric. Obama, a renowned constitutional scholar, quickly rejected objections by Senate leaders that "He shouldn't oughta do that because it's our job" by reminding them that He is the President and is therefore empowered by the Constitution to do whatever pleases Him.Here is the text of President Obama's statement on ratification of the Sharia Law Treaty, provided...

Calling cyberattacks (hacking into computers) “just as bad and just as much of a threat to this nation as the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor,” Democratic presidential candidate former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton promised that she “would respond just as forcefully as President Roosevelt did 75 years ago.” Clinton told the largely VFW audience in Ohio that “I can attest from personal experience that having your email hacked can be devastating. The recent hacks of my emails published by Wikileaks have aided forces hostile to the continuation of the policies put in place by President Obama. By damaging my...

Hillary Clinton's running mate Sen. Tim Kaine (D-Va) took offense at GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's "exploitation of tragedy" in his argument against sanctuary cities. In sanctuary cities, government officials have ordered police to ignore federal law against illegal immigration. Some of the illegal immigrants protected by sanctuary cities have gone on the kill Americans. In remarks given at a rally in Arizona this week Trump invited parents of children killed by illegal immigrants to speak to the crowd. Kaine labeled Trump's inclusion of these grieving parents "political pandering at its worst. Using surviving family members to argue against the...

It was revealed this week that suspected brain damage was a key factor in FBI Director James Comey's decision to recommend against indicting former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for her serial lawbreaking and security breaches regarding her emails. "In the interview with our agents the former Secretary came across as a person of seriously diminished mental capacity," FBI spokesman William Dodge explained. "She couldn't recall ever having been briefed on security matters—despite being shown her signature on a document affirming she had. She professed not to know that the letter 'C' on emails meant 'confidential. She couldn't remember who...

The State Department issued a warning to US citizens advising them to avoid foreign travel for the "foreseeable future." The warning was sparked by what the Department characterized as "an unfortunate misunderstanding of a recent multi-million dollar payment to Iran." "We thought we were paying off an amount due Iran from the cancellation of the Shah's 1979 purchase of jet fighters," explained Payton Moore, Undersecretary for Islamic Relations. "The government of Iran thought we were paying ransom for four Americans they were holding prisoner until a plane delivering the $400 million in cash arrived in their country. Now the Iranian...

GOP presidential candidate Donald Trump's bid to woo black votes by persuading them that Democratic policies have ruined their lives was denounced by rival candidate former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in a major policy speech she gave in Reno, Nevada this week. "Democrats and blacks have been together for a long time," Clinton told a crowd that easily surpassed double digits. "It's kind of like we have a 'common law marriage.' It's outrageous for an outsider like Trump to try to alienate our mutual affections. Sure there have been some rough patches. Every marriage has rough patches. Bill and...

New York Times reporter Jeremy Peters slammed radio talk show host Sean Hannity’s “unethical behavior” regarding how he is covering the current presidential candidates. “Every profession has its norms and boundaries for assessing the way its members should handle their trade,” Peters proclaimed. “Journalists have an ethical obligation to live up to these norms and respect these boundaries. It has been agreed by the majority within our profession that it is our journalistic duty to do whatever we can to prevent Donald Trump from becoming president. Hannity has flouted this agreement by urging voters to do the exact opposite of...

Revelations that the Hillary Clinton-led US State Department granted favors to governments, corporations, and individuals that made donations to the Clinton Foundation have stirred concerns that a Clinton presidency might be tainted by corruption. Foundation president Donna Shalala urged that "we take a more balanced look at the totality of the situation." "On the surface, the proximity of the donations and actions taken by Secretary Clinton does appear suspicious," Shalala admitted. "However, Hillary has repeatedly said that all the actions she took would have been taken regardless of any donations that were made to the Foundation. Clearly donors weren't buying...

The latest 14,900 emails recovered by the FBI came from the 33,000 that Secretary of State Hillary Clinton deleted on the grounds that they were personal rather than work-related. Oddly, one of the topics discussed in many of them was Benghazi, which would seem to be "work-related" and as such legally required to be preserved and archived. Hillary for President campaign manager Robbie Mook urged that "we not jump to hasty conclusions. If you will recall, Secretary Clinton admitted she authored many emails dealing with planning her daughter's wedding. While we all know about the attack on Ambassador Stevens that...

Writing for Wonkette, Rebecca Schoenkopf expressed her opinion that Bill Clinton probably did rape Juanita Broaddrick back in 1978, but that this doesn't necessarily make him an "evil person." "Let's look at the facts of that particular case," Schoenkopf argued. "First, Bill showed he cared by advising Juanita to put some ice on her lip that he bit. Second, he called her later to apologize. This is a level of concern that most rapists don't show. Third, while there has been a string of alleged improprieties involving indecent exposure, molestation, and sexual indiscretions since then there haven't been anymore rapes."...

Faced with the difficulty of persuading a skeptical public that the "extraordinarily careless" characterization of her email practices by FBI Director James Comey is significantly different from the legally culpable "gross negligence" standard, the Clinton campaign is field testing a couple of new excuses. First out of the block was the disclosure that neither Secretary Clinton nor any of her many aides (including Cheryl Mills, Huma Abedin, Jake Sullivan, Dennis Cheng, Anne Marie Slaughter, Phillippe Reines, Caitlin Klevorick, and Kris Bladerston) embroiled in the scandal completed the mandatory ethics training required for federal employees. Clinton Campaign Manager Robbie Mook pointed...

Every satire has a ring of truth... If not for Jamaican Usain Bolt, the United States would've walked home with every gold medal that wasn't nailed down in Rio. USA doubled the score against the rest of the world in nearly every event save for ping-pong. Isn't that great, Mr. President? We've trounced them fair and square. USA doubled the score against the rest of the world in nearly every event save for ping-pong (and that's not satire). "Micro aggression is the term we use in Liberal circles. Now I have no choice except to beg the world to forgive...

Despite rampant social media rumors, Steven Furtick's Elevation Church did not get a water slide baptismal. The report stems from a post on the Christian satire site The Babylon Bee. Pastor Steven Furtick took the stage under a single spotlight, and after some coy banter, he reportedly announced that it was "Baptism Sunday," but that this was "not your Mama's Baptism Sunday." At this cue, a giant water slide, stretching from the balcony down to a small pool of water, was unveiled from behind a large curtain as the worship band began performing TLC's 1994 hit "Waterfalls."  The Babylon Bee claims to be "Your...