Posted on 09/04/2016 10:21:27 AM PDT by John Semmens
Calling cyberattacks (hacking into computers) “just as bad and just as much of a threat to this nation as the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor,” Democratic presidential candidate former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton promised that she “would respond just as forcefully as President Roosevelt did 75 years ago.”
Clinton told the largely VFW audience in Ohio that “I can attest from personal experience that having your email hacked can be devastating. The recent hacks of my emails published by Wikileaks have aided forces hostile to the continuation of the policies put in place by President Obama. By damaging my chances at the polls these anti-American spies have proven they are a greater threat than the misguided suicide bombers that my opponent would have voters believe is our country’s primary enemy.”
The candidate asserted that “while military options won’t be our first course of action we must reserve our right to use force if force is necessary. I hope that diplomatic pressure will be sufficient to compel Ecuador to turn Assange over to us. I’m confident that with enhanced interrogation we will be able to extract the identities of the Russian agents who breached my emails. Then we can issue an ultimatum designed to bring Russia to heel.”
Vice-President Joe Biden attempted to bolster Hillary’s position by pointing out that “I’ve got a military aide with me carrying a briefcase. That briefcase has the nuclear codes in it and, if I needed to, I could open it up and launch a nuclear strike on anyone who threatens America.”
The audience response to Clinton’s and Biden’s remarks was polite, but tepid. Ninety year old WWII veteran Joe Middling admitted he was “unpersuaded that the travails suffered by Secretary Clinton represent as clear and present a danger as the kamikazes we had to face at Okinawa. Maybe I lack the computer savvy to appreciate her message, but an ultimatum to Russia seems kind of risky to me. Couldn’t she just buy them off with another uranium deal? And should Biden be bragging that he can nuke someone? That sounds kinda nuts to me.”
In related news, Clinton insisted that Trump’s recent meeting with Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto was “a failure. Not only did he not come back with a check to pay for his silly wall. He also overlooked the bigger strategic picture. We need to keep the border open to help the United States to acquire the manpower to strengthen the progressive transformation initiated by President Obama. Importing more fecund Latinos will lessen the reproductive burden on Americans. More Americans will be free to pursue their transgender dreams without guilt. More Americans will be able to have their homes cleaned and lawns mowed at a reasonable price. And more will turn out to vote for progressive candidates and policies.”
if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...
https://azconservative.org/2016/09/04/fbi-admits-suspected-brain-damage-was-factor-in-no-indictment-decision/
Es gibt keine Sicherheit ohne Faehigkeit.
I read the title and thought, “This is a joke, right?
Then I saw that it was...
Heh.
Well as we have all found out, she is a computer whiz. Well at least with a micro fiber cloth anyway.
To openly have a woman stand there, and tell me, that she is willing to risk my death in a war over hacked emails, shows her insanity.
She is on record stating that a cyberattack would warrant a military attack. Oh really??? She peobably thinks of that, as a simple womanly slap in the face. She has no clue that the insanity of war in this thermocnuclear time can still escalate within hours to incineration on both sides.
I’m sure she would exhale a big breath, and simply say, ‘There!’, while looking over the incinerated American cities, that she never liked, anyway.
What is she going to fight off these cyber attacks with? Some Endust and a cloth?
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