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THERE OUGHTA BE A LAW O'Reilly's law of the kitchen: Cleanliness is next to impossible. Lieberman's law: Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens. Denniston's law: Virtue is its own punishment. Gold's law: If the shoe fits, its ugly. Conway's law: In any organization, there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person should be fired. Finster's law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Lynch's law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves. Muir's law: When we try to separate anything out by itself, we find it hitched to everything else in the...

The two most abundant things in the universe are Hydrogen and Stupidity. (not necessarily in that order) If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. He who hesitates is probably right. For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. No one is listening until you make a mistake. Finding a job is easy, if you already have one. Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. To steal ideas...

MEXICO CITY - Marge Simpson is near tears, and the normally menacing Mr. Burns is full of warmth and gratitude. The union actors who dub "The Simpsons" into Spanish are asking their Mexican audience for help as they fight for their livelihoods in a labor dispute that could silence the original Spanish voices from the 15-year-old animated comedy.

The mysterious end of Essex man Archaeologists now believe two groups of early humans fought for dominance in ancient Britain - and the axe-wielders won Robin McKie, science editor Sunday January 23, 2005 The Observer Divisions in British culture may be deeper than we thought. Scientists have discovered startling evidence that suggests different species of early humans may have fought to settle within our shores almost half a million years ago. They have found that two different groups - one wielding hand-axes, the other using Stone Age Stanley knives to slash and kill - could have been rivals for control...

EVERY other Sunday afternoon since April 2003, advocates of animal rights have gathered with bullhorns across from 279 Central Park West, near 88th Street. They are there to protest Huntingdon Life Sciences, a product-development company that does scientific tests on animals, and its chief executive, Andrew Baker, who lives in the building. Or does he? Months ago, residents heard that he had moved out. And so, they wonder, why don't the protesters stop? "Someone would first of all have to provide really good proof that he's not in the building," said Camille Hankins, who organizes the events for the group,...

Why hearty women outlive men By David Rose The female heart pumps just as well at 70 as it does at 17 young – and this may explain their longevity THE age-old riddle of why many women live longer than men has been solved. It’s their pumping power, British researchers have found. On average, women live five years longer than men and women over the age of 60 are now the fastest-growing section of the British population. The average male heart becomes weaker with age, and by the age of 70 its power to pump blood around the body could...

2500-year-old Winged Man of Pasargadae threatened by cold and lichen Tehran Times Culture Desk TEHRAN (MNA) -- The director of the Pasargadae Historical Cultural Complex said here on Sunday that the stone relief of the Winged Man at the ancient site has been seriously damaged by the cold and lichen and other environmental factors. “Experts began to study the detrimental effects two years ago after some cracks were observed on the relief,” added Babak Kial. The Winged Man, considered to be Cyrus the Great by some archaeologists and historians, is a relief of a standing man with four wings who...

South Dakota Man Loses 450 Pounds SIOUX FALLS, S.D. (AP) - His recovery was slowed because of an infection, but a man who once weighed half a ton may soon leave a hospital after losing more than 450 pounds. Patrick Deuel is scheduled to go home to Valentine, Neb., on Jan. 22. He is still receiving treatment at a Sioux Falls hospital for a staph infection he got in November. Deuel said he isn't worried about returning to a former lifestyle of overeating. He will have health aides at home and a doctor will check on him regularly.  ``I've...

Runner up #5: Donald Rumsfeld. A true man in the Washington world of crybabies and handwringers. Runner up #4: Tommy Franks. For jumping on the Bush bandwagon and defending the CIC from the the likes of perfumed former military like Weasley Clark Runner up #3: Zell Miller. For showing that love of country still means more than party loyalty. And for taking Sissy Matthews to the woodshed. Runner up #2: Ann Coulter. For being one of the few writers/pundits who refuse to compromise. And for her inspiration to millions of hungry conservatives. Winner: Geroge W. Bush. For having the spine...

A Serbian woman has been jailed for 18 months for marrying a dead man. Vinka Mijovic, 32, from Garas, was furious when wealthy Miodrag Tomovic, 68, died before he could marry her. So she bribed a local registrar to sign a marriage certificate saying the couple had both turned up for the wedding, and bribed two pals to be the best man and a witness to the fake event. She kept the death a secret for two weeks before suddenly announcing it and organising a lawyer to get his fortune turned over to her. But the scam was exposed after...

Dec 29, 2004 8:23 am US/Central WINDBER, Pa. (AP) Somerset County authorities say a stopped up toilet led to a man’s death, when he unwisely mixed two common chemicals trying to unclog it. Sixty-eight-year-old James Battiste of Windber died Monday. Tuesday, County Coroner Wallace Miller announced Battiste’s cause of death: chlorine gas poisoning. Authorities say Battiste mixed Liquid-Plumr and another over the counter product, The Works, into the toilet bowl. The intense fumes resulted causing the man to call nine-one-one, but he apparently lost consciousness before he could tell dispatchers what was wrong. Police responded quickly and say they were...

Tunnels under Cusco Early chroniclers reported that by far the greatest amount of treasure in Cusco was in the Sun Temple (Koricancha). However, it disappeared before the conquistadors could get hold of it and melt it down. Despite the use of various forms of persuasion, the Spanish never found this horde. A team of investigators from Spain, using modern technology of radar and software producing 3D images, have suggested that there are tunnels connecting the former Incan temples (over which colonial churches were built) to Sacsahuaman. They have discovered the existence of huge tunnels over 5 metres deep under the...

One day in 1994, Doug Burns was leaving an appointment at Mass General Hospital when he was set upon by a thug standing over 6 feet tall and weighing more than 300 pounds. The criminal first battered Burns and when Burns protested the assault the thug threw a weapon at Burns and then charged Burns. Burns then drew his licensed handgun and shouted at the attacker to stop and then yelled at everyone nearby to call 911. Many calls were then received by 911, telling of the attack and how the victim was holding the criminal at gunpoint. When the...

SYDNEY (Reuters) - A red-faced man wearing a mini-skirt was rescued by police on Sunday after he became wedged head-first in a clothing donation bin in an act of Christmas charity gone wrong. Police said a startled member of the public had alerted them after seeing what they first thought was a woman trapped in the charity clothing bin late on Christmas Day. Two patrol officers were unable to dislodge the man and a rescue squad was called. The unidentified 35-year-old man was eventually freed early on Sunday and told police he was donating clothes when he became stuck. "I...

GAINESVILLE, Fla. -- A Gainesville man is charged with animal cruelty after authorities said he bit his Jack Russell terrier as punishment. Mount Lee Lacy, 21, told officers he bit his dog, Lady, because she had defecated in the house and that he routinely bit her as punishment. Police said the dog was cowering in the back of her crate when they found her. The dog had a bloody left front paw from the bite. Authorities were called to Lacy's apartment on Saturday after receiving a concerned phone call from his girlfriend's mother. Lacy is charged with felony animal cruelty...

DOCTOR: NOT DIOXIN, PROBABLY BEAN DIP"Came right off with a washcloth..."DEVELOPING

The purpose of FreeRepublic.com's multiple message boards is to limit the topics for each board to particular topics. Posting the same message on all the boards defeats the purpose of multiple-boards for special topics. It is very annoying to see the same message on every bulletin board. PLEASE! DO THE READERS A FAVOR. STOP CROSS-POSTING YOUR MESSAGES!

In a petition to the Iraqi electoral commission, an array of Sunni and Kurdish political parties and individuals on November 26 called for a six-month delay in Iraq's national elections for two reasons: "To address the current security situation and to complete the necessary administrative, technical, and systematic arrangements."The interim Iraqi government, with American support, quickly rejected this appeal and a spokesman for the Shiites insisted that the planned date of January 30, 2005, is "non-negotiable." But there are good reasons to postpone the vote until Iraq is truly ready for it, even if that is months or years away.While...

Elusive building, like the man Tuesday, Nov 23, 2004 By John Brummett I agree with Hillary Clinton when she says her husband's new presidential library in Little Rock reflects him perfectly. But I see it and him differently from the way she sees them. She says the structure represents Bill in that it is open, expansive and full of light. She's correct as far as that goes. But the library mirrors him in a more substantive way: What you make of it depends on your angle. From the Interstate 30 bridge over the Arkansas River the structure looks for all...

Man ducked from flying shrimp; family sues Benihana saying it caused his death Family of man who ducked a piece of shrimp tossed by a chef is suing the chain claiming the occurrence eventually lead to the man’s death BY JENNIFER SINCO KELLEHER STAFF WRITER Posted November 24 2004 A sizzling piece of shrimp tossed at a man during dinner at a Long Island Japanese restaurant in 2001 led to his death, his family has claimed in a lawsuit against the Benihana chain. Jerry Colaitis injured his neck while ducking from the shrimp, which a chef flipped his way during...