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Wednesday, December 19, 2001 Wife dies in chipper By CP PLANTAGENET -- The OPP is investigating the bizarre death of a woman who ended up head-first in a large wood chipper. Claire Duchesne,43, lived with her husband in a large bungalow on Hwy. 17 about 70 km east of Ottawa. Const. Pierre Dubois said a suicide note was found and foul play is not suspected. He said the death is not believed to be accidental, though he said investigators are still "keeping the door open." Police towed the killer machine away.

LONDON (Reuters) - Sex-starved moose defecates on car in Norway; Iranian groom chokes to death on bride's fingernail; Filipino cuts off penis in fit of religious fervour; Exploding potato halts London ballet performance -- when it comes to weird and wonderful, 2001 was a vintage year for wacky headlines. It was difficult to know who raised the most laughs -- humans or animals. A Norwegian moose mistook a Ford Ka for a would-be partner. He licked and dribbled on the car and when his ardour was not reciprocated, he defecated on it. An Iranian bridegroom certainly bit off more that ...

Clinton hits problem as he plays a round AS FORMER presidents go, Bill Clinton has been fortunate to find the rub of the green once or twice in his chequered past. But, as many before him have found out, you need more than luck to take you round the Ailsa Championship Course at Turnberry and survive unscathed. The man who was once the most powerful figure in the world found himself humbled by the challenge of the Scottish links. But it was nothing compared with the noisy protests which were to confront him later, when hundreds of Palestinian demonstrators chanted ...

FreeRepublic Abducted by Aliens At first I thought it was just me. Like a lot of Freepers, I work in an office and hit the refresh button when I can, to stay abreast of the news. Often I will glance at the time of the post and compare it to my system time to see if I need to hit that 'refresh' button. Something Odd This afternoon I noticed something odd. I glaced at the time on my system, 3:20 PM EST and then at the time of the latest posts, 12:07 PM PST. So I hit the 'Refresh' button... ...

<p>Shirtless men cuddle on billboards, ads promote "toys for solo and partner sex," and a drag queen stars in a television commercial. Who pays for it? The American taxpayer, as part of federal AIDS prevention programs.</p> <p>Funded through the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), these programs are drawing criticism from members of Congress who call them "inappropriate," especially at a time when they say the CDC should be focused on combating bioterrorism.</p>

Brokjaw just announced that tonights Emmy ceremonies have been canceled. Many celebrities were too frightened to come.

What a moment, what a truce. So there is hope for world peace. If the fractious television industry can come together without shedding blood, anyone can. Did it ever unite Friday night on one channel after another, generously and for the best of reasons, defying its own 1st Commandment (Thou shalt be big, splashy, greedy, competitive and cost-effective) while bucking traditions going back half a century. Glitz and glam? Forget it. Egos? On hold. Self-love? See ya later. Smarmy speeches? Outta here. Tears? Only sincere ones. No yada yadas or poseurs admitted. Follow the link back to LaLa land for ...

Trudeau has fessed up to using an internet hoax as the basis of his Sunday strip attacking President Bush. For more about the Sunday cartoon, click HERE He now has a poll set up on his web site to see how we feel about it. Pretend you're a Democrat and Vote Early, Vote Often

It's back!!! The Lovenstein Institute of Scranton, PA is back in the news again. This fake institute, started by two Gore activists, published a fake article in the wake of the November election. Their phoney press release detailed, how after much study, they determined, that while the beloved President Clinton was the smartest president ever. The hated Bush was dumb as a rock, having the lowest IQ of all chief executives. Despite Bush having not been caught using an intern for a humidor in the Oval Office. Most internet savy surfers figured out for themselves, in a few minutes, that ...

Canada: Thriving Democracy or Benign Dictatorship? OTTAWA (Reuters) - It's Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien as few have dared portray him -- a cap-waving South American dictator in a crisp white uniform complete with gold braid and a chestful of glittering medals. This striking illustration forms the cover of a new book, "The Friendly Dictatorship," due out in October, in which leading political commentator Jeffrey Simpson says Canada runs the risk of effectively becoming a one-party state under the ruling Liberals. Even before publication, the book is causing a stir in Canadian political circles with its depiction of Canada's opposition ...

Jonathon Frakes Albert Gore Jr. 2nd in Command on Star Ship 2nd in Command on Ship of State Commander Vice President Worked for bald headed guy Worked for big headed guy Did the nasty on TV with a psychic Did the nasty on TV with a psychotic Lived in a science fiction world Invented Science Fiction Trekked on strange worlds Trekked with son, 6 SS agents, 2 photographers, a blackberry, a palm pilot and a press agent up a mountain Played a Saxophone Played a bong Went to Starfleet Academy Went to St. Alban’s Academy for young men Fired ...

Subject: RE: {Case#174-737} Lowes: (Lowes.Com Feedback) To: "tc_rider@yahoo.com" Dear Valued Lowe's Customer, Thank you for your recent email regarding Lowe's Home Improvement Warehouse The following addresses concerns expressed by yourself and the NRA about certain firearm safety-related content on Lowe's web site and the web site of our non-profit home safety organization, Lowe's Home Safety Council. Lowe's is a home improvement retailer, and it is certainly not our intent to take a public policy position on the overall issue of Second Amendment rights in the U.S. The information in question was provided to Lowe's by a third party, the Consumer ...

We're only laughing at that 'peach' 'The pompous attitude of the people of North Carolina towards South Carolina has always amazed me," wrote Darryl Cooper of Columbia, S.C. "Raleigh was the most unfriendly place I've ever lived. Charlotte was only a little better." Hooray! We're No. 1. Take that, Charlotte. "The people of North Carolina walk around with their noses in the air with a haughty 'We're better than you are' attitude," Cooper concluded. What's your point, Darryl? You make it sound like our haughtiness is a bad thing. My sensitive feelings are hurt. Perhaps it is time to stock ...

Gator victim grateful By JAMES ELI SHIFFER, Staff Writer JACKSONVILLE -- Wayne Russell Petteway doesn't feel unlucky, despite nearly losing his left arm and his life to the jaws of a hungry alligator. Instead, Petteway -- the first known victim of an alligator attack in North Carolina -- finds much to be grateful for, whether it's still having 10 fingers or learning the power of his own positive attitude. Since being attacked June 9 while wading in the New River, Petteway has become a minor celebrity in this coastal military town, sought after by vacation Bible schools, Christian radio stations ...

THURSDAY JULY 05 2001 £3m Viagra theft may go to fuel 'sextasy' raves BY LAURA PEEK FIVE drums of the anti-impotence drug Viagra with an estimated value of up to £3 million have been stolen from Heathrow airport. About 230lb of the drug, which was in powder form, disappeared as it was being transported through the terminal complex en route from Brussels to Puerto Rico. Police say there is huge demand for black-market Viagra, which is turned into capsules, blended with Ecstasy and sold as a recreational rave drug which is known as “sexstasy”. Detective Sergeant Roger Moxey of ...

Hysteria: The Indian experience MUMBAI: 1960s, 1985-87 mass hysteria over unexplained killings gripped Mumbai twice. The first time, the killer was identified as Raman Raghav, who was finally arrested for the murder of 42 people. By 1985, the killings started again, but the mystery murderer remained elusive. Was it a man, stoneman, or something else entirely? Whoever it was, he committed a series of 12 murders in the Sion and King Circle suburbs between 1985 and 1987. The killer, whose modus operandi was to crush the head of his victim with a huge stone, remains untraced. He is, perhaps, the ...

Thursday June 21 3:34 PM ET Ferraro Brings Fight Against Cancer to Congress By Thomas Ferraro WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Former Democratic U.S. vice presidential candidate Geraldine Ferraro returned to Capital Hill on Thursday to a rapturous welcome, and despite suffering from an incurable blood cancer, declared ``I am a very lucky woman.'' Appearing at a packed congressional hearing where some members of the overflow crowd sat at her feet Ferraro, who made history in 1984 as the first woman vice presidential nominee on a major party ticket, appealed for more federal funds for cancer research. ``They need you and your ...

Millions to be spent on Japanese loos Japanese officials are spending millions on extras like heated toilet seats for their school loos. Children in the Neyagawa, Osaka, will have some of the most advanced facilities in the country. A total of 100 million yen, which is around £57 million, is being spent on the project. Bright lighting and warm water bidets are also included the plans according to the Mainichi Daily News. Mayor of Neyagawa, Yoshihiro Baba, said: "We want to make school toilets the type of place where children want to go." But ministry of education officials are taken ...

Has SNL hired some Freepers for writers??? I was laughing my @ss off at the Hardball spoof. They savaged Begala and the Specter bit was lifted right off of the boards here.

Mike Huckabee, Republican Governor of Arkansas, is a Big Fat 'Smelly' Fool! by JUDI JORDAN, Editor Saturday, January 13, 2001 Hey folks, I just found out that Mike Huckabee, Republican Governor of Arkansas, who is also a member of a cheesy little rock band called Capitol Offense, is booked to play the Free Republic Ball in DC&nbsp; the night of Bush's inauguration. You can read about this sick event at: http://www.freerepublic.com Look, I already knew that Huckabee is a fool. I just didn't know how much of a fool he really is until I read about his latest exercise ...