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Only Beto could make the Democrat "Car Full Of Clowns" look a LITTLE LESS LOONY You could never make this stuff up . Unless, that is, unless you’re the Peter Pan of the Adult Skateboarding World, Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke. What did he do after losing out to Ted Cruz in one of the most monied, failed election bids of all time? Daddy and Grand-daddy couldn’t help him. Neither could financier George Soros, or even the $80 million he collected to take Cruz on.

Former Texas Democratic Rep. and presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke allegedly pranked his wife, Amy, once by putting baby poop in a bowl and telling her that it was avocado.

VIDEO Poor Beto! He was so completely depressed after losing his Senate election in Texas to Ted Cruz that he wandered off into the wilderness. While there he ate dirt that supposedly gave him the recuperative powers to decide to run for president despite recently denying vociferously that he would due to the stress it would put on his family. Yeah, when you eat dirt, all things are possible especially if you are a New Age kook like Beto.

2020 presidential candidate Beto O'Rourke ate dirt after losing his Senate race against incumbent Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, last year. The revelation comes in a lengthy Washington Post report which divulged new details on the road trip the former congressman took after his defeat in the midterm elections and the ensuing "funk." During a January stop in New Mexico which did not make it into his blog, O'Rourke, 46, ate the local dirt, which the report said is believed to have "regenerative powers." He also brought some of this New Mexican dirt home to his family to eat.

Did Beto O'Rourke do something to piss off the liberal media? Last week Reuters released a report detailing how the Presidential hopeful wrote an article about how he enjoys murdering people back when he was a member of the Cult of the Dead Cow hacker organization. More specifically, he said all women are "sluts" who have "AIDS" and he felt obligated to warn the local "Nazi skins" community about this information. How a new report from the Washington Post suggests Beto O'Rourke is some kind of fecalfeliac, obsessed with playing with the feces of others. Fox News reports: Democratic presidential...

According to the store's website, the shoe serves up "toast-ed leather, smashed avocado textured suede, red pepper flake collar lining." And, because branding is key, "the 'Saucamole' shout out on the heel." The shoes are geared towards men, with a size conversion chart available to women who want to get in on the action.

Avocados are a delicious, rich fruit and a great way to treat your heart—and your taste buds. (Lisa Fotios/Pexels) ========================================================= Heart disease is the leading cause of death for women in the United States. An estimated 44 million U.S. women are affected by cardiovascular disease, causing 1 in 3 women’s deaths each year. One of the most common forms of heart disease is coronary artery disease which occurs when a buildup of plaque narrows artery walls and restricts proper blood flow to the heart and can lead to a heart attack. Coronary artery disease can be treated or prevented through...

They look like an avocado and taste like an avocado. The only difference from the avocados you know? These ones are about the size of your head. The Avozilla, as it has been dubbed, has arrived in Australia. Weighing an average of 1.2kg, the fruits are about four times the size of regular avocados and are expected to sell for $12 each. “There’s certainly a shock factor when you pick one up and they’re as big as your head,” farmer Ian Groves told Guardian Australia. Originating from South Africa, the Avozilla reached Britain in 2013. But the Groves family, which...

Who knew avocados were so dangerous? On Tuesday’s episode of “The View,” co-host Joy Behar revealed she had to miss work Monday because she’d sliced open her hand cutting an avocado. “Saturday night, on my way to the event at the retreat, I stabbed myself in the hand with a knife,” she explained. “I was trying to desperately eat something, so I was trying to open an avocado. So I stuck the knife into the pit to get it out … and I stabbed myself!” At the hospital, where the 75-year-old stayed overnight and was administered an antibacterial drip to...

t's been two years since a rat struggled to drag a hefty slice of pizza along a few subway stairs in New York, and oh, how far we've come. American hero Pizza Rat now has a rather on-trend Brooklyn antithesis: Avocado Rat. Discovered hauling an avocado along the tracks at Greenpoint Avenue subway station in Brooklyn on Tuesday, this determined little rat truly embodies the undying millennial addiction to the coveted fruit. Documentary filmmaker Jessica Edwards managed to capture the little hero, posting an Instagram video of the little battler. Look, he even managed to get his avo off the...

The import of avocados from Mexico to the U.S. has decreased by more than half this month, according to the San Diego County Farm Bureau If you love avocados, you might want to head to your nearest grocery store and grab some before they run out—and this time, the wait might be longer than a few days. NBC 7 confirmed with the San Diego County Farm Bureau on Friday that there is a massive shortage of avocados in the county and nationwide caused by labor strikes in Mexico. Growers and pickers in Mexico are having what officials called a “slow...

For the second time in five years, Sergey Aleynikov was convicted on charges of stealing confidential computer trading code from his former employer, Goldman Sachs. The first time it took a federal jury just hours to convict; this time it came after more than a week of deliberation and an accusation of “food poisoning” and avocado tampering in a state court jury room. A jury on Friday convicted Mr. Aleynikov on one of the counts he faced but found him not guilty on another. They deadlocked on a third count against Mr. Aleynikov, who smiled nervously after the decision was...

Ingredients: 3 large avocados 2 1/2 lbs. lump crab meat 1/2 cup celery, chopped fine 1/4 cup lemon juice 4 tbsp. olive oil 1/4 cup vinegar 1/4 tsp. cayenne pepper 3 tbsp. green onions, chopped fine salt and pepper to taste

There are a lot of different variations to this Mexican dip, but some things are just better simpler. The trick: use very ripe avocados.

In the “what a crock of guac!” department, we offer this: The obscure, Irvine-based California Avocado Commission spent wildly and with few controls, dropping nearly $2 million on questionable credit card purchases and employee perks; lavish hotel stays replete with booze, body treatments, massages and facials; season tickets to Mighty Ducks and Angels games; remodeling an executive’s home office; and much more over a three-year period, according to a state auditor’s report. The report, released Friday by the California Department of Food and Agriculture, recommends major tightening of internal controls, as well as seeking recompense from employees and former employees...

Something is rotten at the state agency behind a splashy $7.3-million annual marketing blitz on television, billboards and in food magazines to promote California-grown avocados, a new state audit indicates. Employees and board members at the obscure, Irvine-based California Avocado Commission enjoyed lavish perks and benefited from as much as $2 million in questionable spending in the last three years, the audit concluded. Among the benefits cited by the auditors were home remodeling projects, free professional hockey and baseball tickets, gym memberships and vitamins, regularly delivered restaurant meals, clothes from high-end retailers described as uniforms, generous automobile allowances and $850-a-night...

One of the benefits of being around a long time is that you get to know a lot about certain things. I'm 80 years old and I've been an oilman for almost 60 years. I've drilled more dry holes and also found more oil than just about anyone in the industry. With all my experience, I've never been as worried about our energy security as I am now. Like many of us, I ignored what was happening. Now our country faces what I believe is the most serious situation since World War II. The problem, of course, is our growing...

SAN DIEGO -- Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger asked the federal food and agriculture department Tuesday to declare San Diego County a disaster area because of the crippling freezes that plagued the state in January. A San Diego County report released Thursday stated that county growers lost almost $115 million in products -- a figure expected to climb -- when local temperatures sank to as low as 16 degrees inland in January. Avocado growers suffered the worst financial losses, at $38 million, the report said. Eric Lamoureux of California's Office of Emergency Services said Tuesday that 47 of California's 58 counties had...

Ventura, Calif. -- A trucking company owner and two employees could be in deep guacamole. Ventura County authorities charged them with grand theft and criminal conspiracy after a three-week investigation into the theft of more than $700,000 worth of avocados this past growing season. The trucking company was hired to take loads of avocados from growers to market but the three men skimmed off portions of loads at a truck yard, the sheriff's and district attorney's offices alleged in a joint statement Tuesday. The investigation began with a tip to Index Fresh, one of two companies that hired the trucking...

CAROTENOIDS MAY PROTECT AGAINST PROSTATE CANCER   Asians are well known to have a low incidence of prostate cancer. Australian and Chinese researchers conducted what is called a "case-control study" in southeast China, the first of its kind in an Asian population. They discovered that dietary lycopene and other carotenoids may protect against prostate cancer.   The researchers compared 130 patients with adenocarcinoma of the prostate to 274 controls - men who were in the hospital for conditions other than prostate cancer. They found that the more carotenoid-rich foods the men ate, the less their risk of developing prostate cancer....