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Since 1940 the word "France" has been synonymous among many detractors with "surrender." But now, in a blitzkrieg strike, Spain has wrested away the crown of unmanliness. Who knew the gazpacho-eaters had it in them? The French at least held out for nine days against the Third Reich. The Germans began their killing blow on June 5, the morning after the fall of Dunkirk. They attacked along a 400-mile front, deploying 143 divisions against 65. A few French units fought bravely, but the nation had no heart for the fight. On June 14 their leaders had fled, and the hooked...

The French Government, taking a page from our own DHS has established internal threat levels. Unlike the US the French only have four such levels. They are, from low to high, "RUN,""HIDE,""SURRENDER"and finally "COLLABORATE." On Saturday, in light of the Madrid bombing, France has raised its terror alert level from "RUN" to "HIDE." Semper Fi

First French Troops Surrender In Haiti - March 1st 2004 After spending at least five minutes in action in Haiti, it has been reported that the first group of French troops have surrendered, when an elderly local woman approached them in an “almost menacing manner.” It is believed they are currently being held hostage, having to endure stories about how much life was better in the old days, and being force fed home cooked cakes. The French Government has so far been unable to contact the woman holding their troops, but insists it will use only their bravest diplomats to...

FRENCH MARS PROBE SURRENDERS Robotic Arm Extends White Flag The French space program took a significant step backward today as the European Space Agency announced that a much-heralded French Mars probe surrendered just moments after landing on the red planet. The probe, which had been expected to travel extensively across the surface of Mars to collect and analyze rock samples, stunned the French nation by surrendering only eight seconds into its mission. As millions of astonished Frenchmen watched on national TV, the probe extended a robotic arm -- designed to scoop up rocks from the surface of Mars – and...

Yes, it's me the naive Aussie again. The last message from my last post on imperial measurements said "the french developed the metric system, and that in and of itself is reason enough not to use it" This question probably sounds very naive, but what did the French do except disagree with Bush over Iraq? After all, Jefferson's ideas of a free, liberal, independent America were derived almost entirely from French liberalism (Voltaire, Montesquieu) Washington's men were supported big time by the French(and to a lesser extent, by the Spaniards). In fact, many historians believe Washington couldn't have beaten the...

France to ban "symbols of stereotyping", introduce customer service 17 Dec 2003 by Malcolm Drury In a radical plan to force a sweeping change to his nation's image, French President Jacques Chirac has announced that as of January 1st next year a number of symbols of what he called a "false stereotype of France and its people" will be outlawed. The announcement came on the heels of his declared support for a law that would ban the wearing by Muslim girls in French schools of headscarves, as well as the wearing of Jewish skull-caps, large Christian crosses, Druid robes, and...

This morning Paul Bremer, head of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Iraq, announced that Saddam Hussein, the subject of one of the most intense manhunts in history, had been taken captive by American soldiers. Mr. Bremer's announcement was characteristically terse, illustrating once more the arrogance of the Bush administration. "Ladies and gentlemen, we got him," is how Bremer made the most momentous announcement since the arrival of the 2003 nouveau Beaujolais. Mr. Hussein, whom the American media have often caricatured as a dictator, was arrested as he hid in a ventilated earthen bunker in a farm compound in Adwar, a...

PENTAGON REGRETS ‘FRANCE SUCKS’ MEMO Timing 'Unfortunate,' Wolfowitz Says The Pentagon said today that it regretted releasing a memo indicating that France sucks just hours before the U.S. was to ask the French to forgive billions in Iraqi debt. "The timing of the memo was unfortunate," said Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, who authored the memo. "We should have released the memo after the French agreed to forgive the debt." In concluding his mea culpa, Mr. Wolfowitz said, "Our timing, much like France itself, sucks." The Wolfowitz memo, which was entitled "France: Why It Sucks," was the talk of diplomatic...

Mars Comes Within 34.6 Million Miles of Earth, France Surrenders By Mark Fisher PARIS — The planet Mars is closer to Earth than it's been in 60,000 years, prompting speculation that a Martian invasion is imminent. While the US dismisses the notion, the UN is calling for a resolution barring Martian forces from landing on Earth. A second resolution restricting "all Martian spacecraft and personnel" to US and British soil was gaining momentum. France's President, Jacques Chirac, fearing extraterrestrial occupancy as unavoidable, ordered the French space agency Centre National d'Etudes Spatiales to launch six Ariane 5 rockets, carrying satellites armed...

It's been fun, but isn't it time to stop bashing the French? The gleeful stomping on all things from France has progressed from the moronic to the pathetic. First, there was the dimwit stuff, like renaming french fries "freedom fries" in congressional cafeterias. Now we have student-exchange programs unable to find American homes willing to take in French students over the summer. That's depressing. Like a chronic ailment, Francophobia flares now and then, especially when France tries to frustrate the United States on the world stage. The source of today's friction is, of course, the war in Iraq. A walk...

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The Pentagon announced plans today to deploy crack teams of French existentialists throughout the Middle East in an effort to destroy the morale of radical Islamists by persuading them that, after all, there is no God. Led by a shifty-eyed Gaulois-puffing Parisian named Jean-Paul Angst, the feared Sartre Brigade, known popularly as “Deconstructionist Warriors,” will parachute into the region, insinuate themselves into the local milieu and spread existential anomie and a “jihad of jadedness” in the heart of the Islamist breeding ground, the Pentagon said. Hardened by years of hard-fought intellectual warfare in dark little bistros on...

They say over in France the wine region over there is going through an incredible heat wave, destroying all the crops. The crops are ruined and this has devastated the French economy. Proving once again: Prayer works.

CHIRAC CALLS FOR AN END TO FRENCH JOKES Bush Blasts Proposal as 'Premature' French President Jacques Chirac today called for an "immediate cessation" of jokes about France now that the active combat phase in Iraq had concluded. In an impassioned speech to the United Nations Security Council, Mr. Chirac said that if the time had come to lift sanctions against Iraq, ""then it is also time to stop calling the French 'cheese-eating surrender monkeys.'"" In addition, Mr. Chirac asked the U.S. to reverse its decision to rename French fries ""Freedom Fries,"" arguing that the derisive renaming of that popular delicacy...

FRENCH-BASHING TO BECOME AN OLYMPIC SPORT GENEVA -- At its annual meeting, the International Olympic Committee has decided to add French-Bashing to its roster of medal sports in both the Summer and Winter Games. "We thought it was about time," said Jesus de Manuel y Corazon, Chairman of the IOC and the 1968 European French-Bashing Champion. "Everbody hates those little lying, cowardly, collaborating, garlic-eating, never-bathing, nose-picking French bastards. It's time that French-Bashing was recognized for the truly international sport that it is -- one, I might add, that is much more popular than soccer." In Summer French-Bashing, the Basher runs...

<p>Is the French government taking advice from Sidney Blumenthal? We ask that question after last week's news that our erstwhile ally has formally protested to the U.S. government against what it claims is a concerted "disinformation" campaign against France.</p> <p>Readers may recall that Mr. Blumenthal was the sharpie who reinforced Hillary Clinton's belief in what she famously called the "vast right-wing conspiracy." Jacques Chirac's government is now in thrall to a similar victimology that it is being punished by a U.S. government campaign to spread lies to convince Americans that the French don't like us.</p>

Bush Plans to Cut French CheeseBy Bill Mar BSNN.net Headline News  This pie chart shows the relative sizes of the major categories of federal income as proposed in the newest Bush Administration budget. WASHINGTON - The federal budget picture is bad and getting worse, the head of the General Accounting Society said Tuesday, and he urged the Bush Administration to take a longer-term look at its tax-cut and spending proposals.The GAS is the nonpartisan investigative arm of Congress capable of reaching deep inside the bowels of government. Its 320,000 employees handle 2 to 5 requests a week from lawmakers, including reports...

France says it is victim of smear campaign Bush administration disputes charge From Andrea Koppel and John King CNN Washington Bureau Thursday, May 15, 2003 Posted: 12:45 PM EDT (1645 GMT) French Ambassador Jean-David Levitte said the United States is spreading misinformation about the French government. WASHINGTON (CNN) -- France says it is the victim of a smear campaign by the Bush administration, charging some U.S. officials are leaking false stories about alleged French complicity with the Iraqi regime. The Bush administration dismissed the charge. The French government lays out its claim in a letter written by the French ambassador...